10/29/12

Momma, Did I Grow In Your Tummy?

The questions have started.  It just so happens that Rogan has a teacher in his preschool who has been pregnant the first part of the year.  She had her baby a couple of weeks ago and since she has been gone the question has come up, "Momma, did I grow in your tummy?".

I answered honestly.  I asked him if he remembered that he and his brother and sister are adopted. He said he did and I then explained being adopted means you grew in another mommy's tummy.  I told him the other mommy went to the hospital when it was time for him to be born.  I then explained we got a phone call and we were told to hurry up and get to the hospital because Rogan was coming and he needed us to come pick him up.  So we did.

Rogan was completely satisfied with my answer and simply responded, "Oh okay.  Yeah, yeah, I remember.  You came to get me."

A few times since this discussion he has said to me, "Mom remember when I grew in that mommy's tummy?  Yeah then you came and got me."  Yep Rogan, I remember.

Brice is not as curious.  He rarely asks questions but he listens intently when Rogan quizzes me. Yesterday however Brice came at me hardcore.

I was getting onto Brice for something, I cannot even remember what at this point. My voice was not raised, I was just talking to him.  Suddenly, he began to cry and get emotional and he said, "you don't want me!" and he ran off to his room.

Wha?  What the heck?  Where did that come from?  I was completely dumbfounded.

I am not certain he was speaking about adoption.  I believe he felt he was in trouble and because he was naughty I was mad at him.  No matter what, I decided to seize the opportunity.

I immediately called Brice back to the living room and we sat down together as I told him in no uncertain terms he was wanted.  He was wanted very much.

I told him Daddy and I waited and prayed for him for years before he became ours.  I said when he was born we drove a very long way as fast as we could to the hospital to come get him and we were so excited when we saw him.  His adoption was the answer to a lot of prayers and tears.  I reassured him that he is and always will be wanted and we are his parents forever.  We love him, his brother, and his sister more than anything in the world.  All he said was really? Absolutely, I responded.  He gave me a hug and went to play Skylanders.

A huge fear for adoptive parents is we are going to screw up one of these moments.  We try our very best to be prepared and hope we do everything correctly.  I can tell you when these moments come up it is instant anxiety on this end.  My first thought was "Holy crap..don't screw this up!"

My advice is be calm, keep it simple and honest. Details can come along as the years progress.  I did not bring up or discuss birth parents at this point.  Our kids are young and they are just beginning to put the puzzle pieces together.  They have not specifically asked about their birth parents but they will eventually.  When they do we will address it.

I discussed both events with my husband and asked for feedback.  He and I are on the same page.  The moments came, I handled it the best I could, let's carry on.  Just another day.


2 comments:

Mike and Katie said...

We were having lots of talk in our house about who grew and whose tummy. One day after several rounds through the family with our two and three years olds, Ana said, "Tali grew in your tummy and I grew in [her birth mom]'s tummy." I felt bad and said, "Yes, but you grew in my heart."
Oh! the looks of confusion! Three is a bit young to understand that abstract concept. :)

DeelaDoll said...

Hi there! I just discovered your blog and am thrilled to read about your journey. Your children are beautiful!