8/30/10

Before and After

New wood floors and paint
added crown moulding
New paint in the bedrooms and bath too.

I do not think the pictures do all the work we had done justice.  The paint and carpet in the bedrooms is so much better and  the wood floors are great.  We are still working on getting everything back up on the walls, in the closets, and out of the garage.  We also decided to go ahead and have crown added in the kitchen and main hallways too.  Once you get started...it's hard to stop.

No Plan

If we have learned anything the last couple of weeks it would be life does not go according to plan.  This is very evident from the events that occurred during our attempt to adopt.  We also relearned this life lesson when we planned a lake getaway over the weekend.

We had a lot of fun, although it was not what we planned.  We rented a little cabin on the lake and a pontoon boat to teach the boys how to fish.  The cabin was a little more "rustic" than we intended.  We have no problems camping and sleeping outdoors but not with a two year old or in the heat of August. Therefore, we rented the cabin to enjoy the comforts of home while still enjoying the outdoors.

Unfortunately, we could not sleep due to all the "wildlife" sleeping with us in our cabin.  There were lots of creepy crawlies in the cabin.  Our two year old sleeps wonderfully at a home, not in a portable crib.  The boat, although fun was being held together with duct tape.  The lake was a huge pond of algae and the fish were elusive. These factors along with a few others ended our weekend getaway early.

We adjusted the plan, came home a day early took the boys to the aquarium and went to the RV and boat show.  The boys still had a blast, saw some fish and cool boats (without duct tape), played in the campers, ate popcorn and walked away with a swords made from balloons.

We had a family weekend together enjoying each other's company.  So going forward with adoption, the plan is we have no plan.  It is out of our control so we will just enjoy the ride.  If our family is to be a family of five it will be, if not we will continue to enjoy our family of four.

8/26/10

Not Discouraged

If you follow my blog because you are an adoptive parent to be and you want to learn about the path to adoption, don't be discouraged by our recent setback...we're not.

Right or wrong we believe everything happens for a reason.  We do not know why the adoption failed, but it did.  We have a few theories.  Perhaps the parents needed more time to make their decision and we were the potential adoptive parents chosen to handle a failed placement.  A failed adoption is never easy, but it's hard to be too upset when you are already blessed with two wonderful boys.

Maybe, this failure served as a stop and appreciate moment. Really we take our blessings for granted and we were forced to stop and smell the roses.  As sad as I was not to be welcoming a little girl to our family, I have a greater appreciation of the special moments with our boys.

We will never have all the answers we may long for but we will move on.  We still plan to adopt and are not discouraged.  I have been asked if I am sorry I blogged about meeting the baby, holding her, etc.  Not one bit.  This is adoption.  You may be provided the opportunity to hold and love on a little one and you need to remember, nothing is permanent until filed with the court.

We will discuss our options with our agency case worker and make a decision on when our portfolio will be shown again.  Our baby is out there somewhere waiting to come home to us.  We are ready whenever the time comes to welcome our child home.

Lake

We have rented a cabin at Greenleaf Lake nearby.  We plan to spend the weekend floating around the lake in a rented pontoon boat and teaching the boys how to fish.  Looking forward to the weekend.

Lake

We are planning a weekend at the lake to teach the boys how to fish!

8/24/10

Wasn't Meant to Be

Our adoption failed...

Heartache

I have a lot of tears and my heart aches but I know she was not meant to be with us.  I'll pray for the birth parents, they did nothing wrong by wanting to raise their child.  We experienced a failed adoption before Rogan was born and we now know we hurt then to be rewarded later.  I appreciate all your emails, texts, thoughts, prayers and kind words.  Adoption is a difficult process, it is not for the weak.  I document our journey for you so you understand what you may experience on your own adoption journey and to let you know you are not alone.   I'll be back to blogging soon but for now I will be with my boys and my husband enjoying the family members I have already been blessed with.

News

The birth parents decided not to go to court today, they decided they want to try and parent their little girl.

8/23/10

Adoption Update

Here's where we are at...

Tomorrow

Relinquishment hearing is set for tomorrow afternoon at 3p CST.  We do not attend that hearing, just the birth parents, judge, attorney and case worker.  After the hearing the case worker will take them out for an early dinner and discuss their feelings about the process, additional counseling sessions, etc.  After that, the case worker and foster mother will bring Paden to our home to do a small commitment ceremony with our family and to sign all the final paperwork.  Then we wait for the 6 month waiting period to pass and we'll have a hearing for finalization.

Basically after relinquishment tomorrow there is no turning back.  The birth parents would require a burden of proof to show they had been put under duress to sign away their rights.  Our agency has had 2 adoptions challenged in 30 years and in both instances the babies stayed with the adoptive families.  This is why we have a lot of faith in our agency and the way they conduct themselves.  One of the many reasons we have used this agency for 3 adoptions.  
We will all breathe a little easier after 3 p.m. tomorrow.  

8/21/10

Domain Name

Thanks to my friend Jessica, I learned that I could purchase my domain name through Google.  My official blog address is now  www.adoptivemomma.com


Cool beans.

Special Visit

We had a special visitor today.  Click here to see.

Special Visit

We had a special visitor at our house today, Paden came to check out her new digs.  Linda, the foster mother brought her over to visit and let me hold and snuggle her for a couple of hours.  She is such a sweet baby and so content.  She did get a little fussy when it was time to eat but stopped as soon as a little food was in her belly.


Brian and the boys were unable to see her.  Brian and I have decided it is best to save the boys' introductions until after the relinquishment hearing.  We would never want the boys to think their adoptions were not permanent because they potentially saw her placement fail.  You never know how a child may conceive a situation.


Because of our concerns, Brian took the boys out to eat and to Toys R Us.  They had a great time hanging out with their dad while I bonded with their new little sister.


The relinquishment hearing is scheduled for three o'clock Tuesday afternoon.  Until then, our little Paden will be in the loving care of Linda and her family.  We hope to have Paden in her forever home by Tuesday evening.    We are enjoying our last weekend with our two boys before we become a family of five.

Waiting Children

Emails are received through a public list serv.  I do not have any experience with the adoption agencies or facilitators.  I would recommend a thorough investigation into the validity of the posts.
__________________________________________________________
URGENT---LOOKING FOR Family willing to adopt a 3-year-old boy --- Code: Rochelle

Name & Due Date: Rochelle – 3-year-old Boy

Sex (If Known): Boy

Race: Afro American

Location: Southern Region - GA, NC, SC, TN

Health: The child was diagnosed with Autism about a year ago; he has had some speech therapy. He is a quiet child and stays to himself. He loves to watch TV.

Other Info: Open adoption with pictures and letters wanted.

Total Estimated Fees: $ 8,000

Case Worker: l

ONLY IF YOU ARE SERIOUS PAPER READY AND INTERESTED, contact Sarah <sarahjdalia @ gmail.com> (No spaces)

We are looking for families to match with our birth mothers.

****NOTE**** We have many Hispanic, Afro American and Biracial situations. We are working with several birth mothers and are looking for families to match them with. – If you are interested and paper ready Email Sarah <sarahjdalia @ gmail.com> or Adam <adambodily @ gmail.com> (No spaces)

You may also go to our webpage WWW.Adoptionadvertising.org and fill out an adoptive parent intake form. (NO SPACES) Adam will call you after he gets the intake from the web page. It is important that you also email Adam or Sarah because the link from our web site that sends us your intake is not always reliable.

Most of our potential birth mothers are matched before we ever get a chance to place them on our website. If you would like to put in your application and be a family that our birth mothers are given to consider, please do so it is free.

Kathy Finch kathrynmfinch@hotmail.com
"Adoption Advertising" Adoption Administrative Assistant
WWW.Adoptionadvertising.org

8/20/10

Questions

I am copying and pasting so please forgive formatting issues....

I received some good questions since Paden's birth and I had a few minutes to answer and thought some of you may also be wondering the same thing so I decided to do a post.  

First Question:  By the way, I'm curious.  How does it all work?  I mean, when you go to the hospital to see her.  Our hospitals are crazy around here.  You have to have mad clearance to get near the babes.  Do you have to explain the situation or have some sort of documentation? 


Answer:  It's insane.  We were told we would be able to see her yesterday evening, we didn't see or hold her until after midnight.  We did not get the call to go to the hospital until 9:30 p.m. and then we sat and waited until they brought her in.  
It's a funny little dance.  The social worker met us in the waiting room.  She has clearance to be back behind the locked doors with babies and mommies because she is there around the clock during the birth mother's hospital stay.  As the birth parents are finally discharged they call us and tell us to come on over to the hospital.  They try to avoid awkward run ins and emotional situations as much as possible.
We then met the social worker on the maternity floor and she came out and let us in.  She had arranged a private room (nursing room) for us to be in and hold and love on the baby.  We were able to stay until about 1:30 a.m. 
They baby was then released to the foster mother and she took her home last night.  In our hospital there was no window to see the babies, etc.  They are behind another set of locked doors which we were not privy too.  The social worker and nurses had to take her to and from the nursery.  
Crazy amounts of paperwork and red tape.  If you know how much of a chore it is to get yourself released from the hospital, imagine getting a baby released to someone other than their biological or adoptive parents.  
I understand those precautions are there for a reason and babies are safer because of them.  It did however wreck our nerves!
Second Question:  I know this is your third adoption, but do you think it's gotten any easier emotionally/financially/physically? I don't think I would have fingernails left, and I don't even bite my nails! 


Answer:  They are all different.  They all have their difficulties.  Our first was born in El Paso so we had to drive to the end of the world to pick him up and then drive to my parents house and stay for 10 days while court documents were finalized and we could cross the state line.  Driving 14 hours with a newborn is an adventure in and of itself.
Our second was born at 34 weeks so he was in the NICU for 13 days in Dallas and again we stayed with my parents during that time.  It's always hard to be away from your own home and deal with difficult situations.
This is the first time we have had difficulty with birth parents.  Before paperwork has always been signed to allow us in with the babies immediately after delivery.  This time we waited almost 3 days.  These birth parents were also very different and the situation was more about their needs instead of the baby's as we previously experienced.  They never saw the baby until it was time for them to leave last night, never held her or anything but didn't allow us to do so either.  They decided to leave her in the nursery alone.  I don't understand their reasons.  They could have also left the hospital at 6 p.m. but stayed until midnight when they had to leave and waited to see the baby until the last minute and they knew we were there waiting to hold her.  It was all strange.
Emotionally, we have more self control and understanding because we have been through a failed placement and we understand nothing is ever certain until a judge signs the documents.  Had this been our first adoption we would have been going crazy waiting.
Financially, we are just more financially mature this time around and able to pay for all expenses whereas before we had to borrow money to finance the adoptions.  Also, the adoption federal tax credit has increased, increasing our return at the end of the year which is always nice.  We get about half of our fees back in a return.  
We definitely lean on each other and have had to apologize a few times over the last couple of days because we have been short with each other.  Having a supportive family, agency and spouse is monumental.  


Paden Avery

Time of birth 6:54 p.m.
Weight 7 pounds 14 ounces
21.5 in long

8/19/10

Big News!

The birth parents decided to go through with the adoption placement plan.  A court date cannot be scheduled until Monday or Tuesday for them to sign their relinquishments.  After much discussion, they decided adoption was the best plan.

We will get to go to the hospital tonight and see the baby before she is released to the agency's foster mother. We will have custody of her after the court documents are signed early next week.

This weekend will probably involve a lot of pink!

Thank you all for the kind words of support and for your prayers, blessings and good thoughts.  You are very much appreciated.

Time to change the title of my blog.  Adoptive Momma of Three sounds nice.

Still Waiting...

We appreciate all the emails, well wishes, tweets, Facebook posts and text messages we have received.  We apologize if we have not been able to respond.  Thank you all.

I am at home with Brian putting our home back together following the recent updates.  My parents have our boys and they will be home on Friday.

As of last night, the birth father was doubting his decision to place the child for adoption.  The birth mother still wanted to follow through with placement.  The birth mother is scheduled to be discharged this morning.  At the time of discharge they will be asked if they want to place the child and if so to sign the adoption paperwork. We are waiting to see if they sign.

We have not been to see the baby and the birth family has not seen or held her either.  The birth family has complete access to her but has chosen to stay away for reasons only they understand.  She has not been named either.

We are not upset, not a tear has been shed.  We support any decision made.  We would love to welcome this little girl to our family, but she is not ours.  She is their daughter and her birth family should make the decision that is best for their daughter and themselves.

Having been through two previous adoptions, we are at peace with the process.  We completely feel our boys were meant to be ours and if a child is meant to be a part of our family they will be.  For reasons unknown God did not give us the ability to have children but He gave us the ability to provide for and raise them.  If our abilities are needed, He knows we are ready, willing and able.  So as of now, we are still waiting...

8/17/10

Baby Mitchell

Check out my other blog for an update on baby's status!

Here Comes Baby!

We were told about an hour ago they are prepping her to begin pushing.  Assuming the baby is born tonight, she will be released Thursday and the baby will come to us either Friday or Monday depending on when the court will schedule the relinquishment hearing.

Oklahoma laws are different than Texas (where our previous two adoptions occurred) and relinquishment must be signed in front of the judge.  Therefore, the baby will most likely go to the agency's foster parent Thursday until placed with us on Friday or Monday.  Dang weekends!

That's all we know for now.

It's Time!

She's in labor and on her way to the hospital.  She did not want us there until time for the baby to be discharged.  I am still in Texas but ready to leave any minute.  My boys will stay with my parents and they will bring them home this weekend.  Our house is scheduled to be done tomorrow.  A crew is arriving today to work over time and get it completed.

Life just got real exciting!

Almost Time

We heard from the agency's social worker last night, she is at the hospital while another birth mother delivers.  "M" had her doctor's appointment yesterday and she was 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced.  The doctor said she will deliver within a week.  It's almost time!  I've got to get home!

8/16/10

Update

The boys and I are still in Texas waiting to go home.  We hope to leave by Wednesday afternoon or Thursday morning.  My mom and I have done some damage at the outlet mall and Babies R Us.

We hope to receive an update today from the adoption agency.  The doctor was checking her dilation today.  In the meantime, the boys are completely clothed for fall and little baby girl has some new clothes, a car seat and portable crib.  We are having a great time, but are ready to sleep in our own beds and see the new floors and paint.  We sure hope we will not have to rent a UHaul to get all our bargains home.

Check out all this pink!

8/11/10

50 Best Adoption Blogs

Grown In My Heart | An Adoption Network lists the 50 greatest blogs on all things adoption.  See the list here.

8/9/10

Update

We are having too much fun here in Texas to stop and blog.  I was able to update my other blog quickly today and add a few pictures.  Click here!

Texas Fun!

We just heard from the agency that "M" (the birthmother) had another appointment today and she is progressing right along.  She pre-registered at the hospital and we are standing by.

The boys and I are still hanging out in the sun at my parents' house.  We have been swimming everyday and working on our tans.  We did a little shopping for fall clothes for the kids and tomorrow we may get out of the pool long enough to go to the outlet mall.

Brian will be down this weekend to visit.  He and I are going to run away for a couple of days to Dallas without the kids to see a baseball game and relax before the baby arrives.  The boys will hang with their grandparents while we are gone.

This is what we have been up to so far:

8/7/10

Quick Update

I now look forward to Mondays, I may be the only person around who loves Mondays.  Each Monday the birth mother of our little girl has a doctor's appointment and has an appointment with the adoption agency.  After her appointments we receive updates.  This Monday we were told everything looks great, baby and birth mother are healthy.  Next week, the doctor with check for dilation as we creep closer and closer to the big day, August 26th.

In the meantime, the boys and I are still in Texas enjoying the sun and water with my parents. Brian was able to drive down early today to spend the night and play in the pool with us today. My cousin and her family came over and I rocked my little four month old cousin to sleep and swam with her. Getting in a little baby time in preparation for what is to come.
Me and my 4 month old little cousin.  She loves me.

8/4/10

Hurry to Enter!

ParenthoodforMe.org is hosting a giveaway to celebrate reaching 400 followers!  Be sure to enter to win today, or you will miss out!!  Click here to enter to win.

8/2/10

Check This Out!

Resources4Adoption.com is a site created to provide the most current options for adoption financing available.  You should definitely review this site!

Texas Bound

We are packing and getting ready to head to Texas Wednesday.  I hope to have my car back today or tomorrow.  I'm so over "Big Pimpin'".  We are planning two weeks of fun with my parents and cousins.  I cannot wait to hold my baby cousin again, she will have grown and changed so much since I first saw her.

I'll be a little nervous the entire time we are gone, always having my phone nearby and charged.  We could get the call for the baby any moment.  This is the birth mother's 37th week so baby could make her appearance any time.

If baby comes, I'll be able to rush home and Brian will be here to take care of any immediate issues.  Adoption is a wild ride and this time I guess it was going too smooth for us so we needed to throw a home renovation in there to spice it up!

We will continue to keep you posted, hopefully baby pictures will appear here soon!  If not, I'll have some nice before and afters of the house.

Nesting

Thankfully, we are not pack rats.  It makes the nesting period so much easier.  We cleaned out closets yesterday.  I always clean out the closets right before baby arrives.  For some reason, closet cleaning is my nesting ritual.  This time, we were actually cleaning them because our floors are being installed but it was nesting nonetheless.

I went through our baby items and set aside onesies and blankets that are neutral colors and do not contain dinosaurs, sports, trains and trucks.  This is a first for me!  It has been fun buying some pink, purple and flowers.

Preparing for baby number three is much easier than the first baby and even the second.  We have everything we need, except we always buy a new infant car seat.  Actually, that is my parents' gift to us.  We never use the old ones because they change and improve so often we get the latest and greatest.

I washed bottles and pacifiers, organized burpies and blankets.  We could have a baby any day now, can you believe it?!  I hope she at least waits until the messiest of home projects are completed and we can bring her home to some piece and quiet.

My friend Jessica is meeting with a birth mother today.  Her husband is away serving our country and she will be handling this meeting alone.  Send her some good vibes and a few prayers today, she'll need it.  We want Jessica and her husband to become parents soon!