It's Not A Competition

I was reading posts on an adoption website from birth mothers a few days ago.  I found it interesting that birth mothers were discussing adoption profiles created by hopeful parents.  The birth mothers were going back and forth about us outdoing ourselves and trying our best to impress or to outshine other profiles.  Several said, they just knew when they saw our faces that we were the right ones for their child. They did not need to see all the biographical details, fancy bindings, essays and quotes.

Their discussion caught my attention because it has always been my advice and our methodology that less is more when it comes to an adoption profile.  I have been asked time and time again about our profile(s) and I have even sent copies to several friends so they could "copy" it for themselves.

Less is more.  It's the best advice we received from our adoption agency and it apparently holds true with birth mothers looking to place.

They do not what to know EVERYTHING about us,  ALL of our plans for the future, our religious affiliations, our parenting styles, they do not need to see a photo of EVERY person from each branch of our family tree, every photo from EVERY mile of our cross country vacation.

They need to see our face, our smiles, they'll know us when they see us.

Our children's birth mothers just so happened to share with us why they picked us each time.  We didn't ask specifically, the topic happened to come up in conversation during our initial meetings and for some reason I remember their answers.  For one it was because we had dogs and they grew up with dogs and wanted their child's childhood to include a dog.  For another it was because we already had a son and they wanted their child to grow up with a big brother.  The other liked that we took vacations and traveled whenever we could and we had known each other since childhood.

None of them mentioned the decorations in our nursery, or the size of our yard and home.  They didn't really care what religion we were or how often we went to church.  They paid no attention to the scrap booking handiwork on each page.  Something simple just caught their eye.

So, as I attempt to do with all things in my life...keep it simple.

My personal suggested layout for your profile is no more than 10 pages and goes something like this:

  • A picture of you and your spouse and a short blurb about yourselves
  • A few photos and a little paragraph about what you like to do, hobbies, spend time with family, etc.
  • A page for each kiddo you already have with a few photos- it is my suggestion to not go on and on about your children you already have.  You know they're wonderful but a birth mother doesn't want to worry that you won't love her child as much as the one(s) you already have.  So less is more as always.
  • A few pictures of a family get together or vacation.
  • An individual letter from you and your spouse to the birth parents.  Keep it to one page and include things like what you look forward to, what you love about your family, be positive and excited about another child.  
  • A letter with a photo from the grandparents too if you can.  We included letters from our parents to the birth parents.  These were only one paragraph and generally said they looked forward to a grandchild or another grandchild and what they loved about being grandparents.
  • End with a photo or photos of family time.  Once or twice our last page was just a family portrait of us. One time the last page was a collage of us and extended family.

Photos, photos, photos.  Less writing and rambling and use photos to tell the story.  Birth mothers will most likely get more out of looking at your photos and making up their own story in their head of where their baby will fit into your life and family then to be expected to read page after page after page after another page of information about you and your loved ones.  Again, less is more.

Repeat this mantra less is more...keep it simple!

Good luck.  I hope your baby comes home to you soon.

***As always this is based purely on my personal opinion from my own personal experience with domestic adoption.  I am in no way an adoption expert.  Just a mom, with a computer, and a heart for adoption.

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