The Waiting Period

It's hard not to get too excited during the adoption waiting period. You never know how long the wait will be so you have to be prepared for when you get the call. At the beginning of our adoption journey we attended the required seminar by our adoption agency. When we came home we started to prepare the nursery. We were so excited we could hardly stand it. We were told we would have a baby within a year or two and we needed to be ready. That's all I needed to hear!

My nesting abilities kicked into high gear. I couldn't get the nursery decorated soon enough. Our parents were worried we were in too big of a hurry and it would be painful for us to see the empty nursery every day. We appreciated their concern, but like always being the stubborn only children my husband and I are we forged ahead.

Within a few weeks we had everything we would ever need and more for a newborn baby. I had run all the onesies and blankets through a rinse cycle so they would be clean, soft and ready for when we got the call. I folded and refolded, I organized, and reorganized. I imagined what the crib would look like when our baby came home. We played with the baby monitors, "Can you hear me now? 10-4 Over and out. This is soon to be baby momma signing off."

Then we waited. We got up every morning and went to the nursery. Brian would look at me and say, "Can you believe there is going to be a baby in here soon...our baby?" It was kind of hard to believe but we were ready and giddy with anticipation.

Luckily, our wait the first time was short, only five months. My advice to anyone in the waiting period is to keep yourself busy. Here are a few of my suggestions:

• Decorate the nursery and get familiar with everything. There are a lot of gadgets and gizmos and if you have them, you better know how to work them. You do not want to spend your time learning at 2:00 a.m. when the baby is fussing. Also, familiarize yourself with your local baby store.
• Take a trip with your spouse. Quality time together will fly out the window when baby comes spend as much time together now as you can.
• Keep a journal. This will be great to go back to after the adoption is complete and the waiting period seems like a life time ago. Also, your kids will enjoy reading it one day.
• Pick up a hobby old or new. If you like to garden, get back to it. If you have been meaning to get back in the gym...go you'll need the extra energy.
• Read some parenting books and adoption books. Get an idea of what lies ahead.
• Do some Spring cleaning. After the baby is here there will be no time to wash windows, and deep clean the house.
• Complete a home project. We added on to our patio the summer before our son was born. We did the work ourselves, it gave us something to do every evening and kept our minds busy. Don't get yourselves in too deep, you want to be able to have it finished before you get the call.
• Organize your photos, you've been meaning to do it anyway and you probably just went through them all for your adoption portfolio.

These are just some ideas off the top of my head. We did some of these, some I just thought of, and a few I wish I would have done.
Be patient, it's worth it.
"Adoption is not about finding children for families, it's about finding families for children" ~Joyce Maguire Pavao

Hard to believe this is the same kid...

You can see his ribs now!

Splash Park

We have a new splash park and playground in town and decided to take the kids to it on Sunday. We headed over there early in hopes to beat the crowd, no such luck. Everyone in Tulsa has heard about it and they were all there. We turned around and decided to go to an older splash park about two miles down the road. Since everyone was at the new one, we had the place to ourselves.

Adoption Box

During the adoption process we received a lot of stuff. The agency provided us with information about the birth parents, letters from the birth family, medical histories, social history for the birth parents and anything else they wanted to share with their child. We also have all the goodies you go home with from the hospital. We didn't know where to put all this stuff. We knew we wanted to keep it all for our boys but putting it in a box and shoving it in the attic didn't seem right so what should we do with it? So, we came up with the adoption box.

When we started the adoption process we made a trip to Wal-Mart and bought a Rubbermaid storage bin and started putting everything we knew we wanted to keep for our boys in the box. I decorated the box with the boy's names and stickers and we keep them in their closets.

Someday, the boys are going to want to know all about their adoption. I think their adoption box will definitely provide some answers. I have copies of all the paperwork Brian and I filled out so the kids will know where we were at that time. It shows why we pursued adoption, what led us to the agency, what our fertility struggles were, where we worked, our salaries, all the personal information the agency requested. I have the paperwork from the birth families the agency provided us with and any and all information I have about their birth parents. Also included is hospital paperwork. (APGAR scores, their little hats, blankets, combs, foot prints, etc.)

I specifically include a journal I kept during the process for each of them about the days leading up to and the days following their birth. Brian and I chose to write our story in their journals about how we met, fell in love, got married and decided to start a family. I keep the outfits they came home from the hospital in and their baby books in the boxes. Most importantly, I keep a copy of the adoption portfolio we created and a photo of their birth parent(s).

We will always be honest with our boys about being adopted but I think the box may help provide some answers when they are ready for them.

Hangin' with Grandma

My mom left this morning. I'm now wholly responsible for cleaning, cooking, and caring for my own children during the day...man life's rough. She was such a BIG help and we had some fun too. I was able to get out and about the last couple of days for a few hours and we took the kids to the aquarium on Tuesday and Bass Pro on Wednesday. We had a great time. My mom loves to "create" photo opportunities (i.e., her grandson being attacked by Jaws). Here are some pictures of Rogan fighting off Jaws and Brice just being Brice, he was charging at us with dear antlers. I have to admit, it was hilarious.At the aquarium we fed the stingrays and ran through the exhibits with Brice. He did slow down long enough to explore the touch and feel ponds where he got to touch shark eggs and a starfish. Believe me, I was worried for that poor starfish. You never know when Brice might decide to give it a squeeze. Fortunately, the shark egg pods are sterile and no shark babies were injured during our photo opportunities.
As always Rogan just sits back and enjoys the action!
Thanks Grandma for a great week!

Meeting the Birth parent(s)

Meeting the birth parent(s) of your child can be an awkward experience. We have adopted twice, but we had what we call "a dry run"and therefore we have actually met 3 sets of birth parents and a set of biological grandparents, an aunt, cousins, an uncle, and a biological sibling of our children. So, we've had some experience when it comes to meeting biological family members of our children.

First of all, be yourself. The birth parent has chosen you because they saw something in your portfolio they liked. You want the birth parent(s) to get an honest impression of you. You are the person who will be raising their child. They will have some expectations of you and you may or may not meet them. It's okay, just go with the flow and be yourself.

The first time Brian and I met the birth family of our oldest son was at the hospital. I would recommend you meet before then. It just so happened, that is the way it worked out for us. We walk into the hospital to the birthing center for the scheduled c-section of our oldest son and turned a corner to greet the birth mother's parents, her daughter and her common law husband. We were taken aback, but you smile and introduce yourselves and you know what...it works out. The first thing the birth mother's mother said to me was, you look like my daughter. They were already picturing their child's life with us. I could tell, they immediately accepted us. Maybe it was because I had blond hair, blue eyes and I'm short just like the birth mom. I don't know, but it worked out. Our son was born and his biological father signed paperwork to get us into the nursery immediately so we could begin bonding with our son.

Our "dry run" experience was soon after we had decided to adopt a second child. We were chosen by a set of teenage birth parents. They wanted to meet us but you could tell from the beginning, that something just didn't seem right. Soon after, they decided against adoption and chose to raise the baby. We were told several stories about why they changed their minds about adoption, but we will never know for sure. Of course, we were crushed but we soon realized that baby was not ours. Our baby would come to us when the time was right.

Approximately six months later we received the call again, this time it was another young mother who was due in a month and wanted to meet us. Of course we were hesitant and still a little bruised from the earlier rejection but when we met her we knew, he was going to be ours. She ended up going into labor early and our second son was born about a week later. Supporting the birth mom were her aunt, her uncle, and her two cousins. We were with her family during all the hours of labor and bonded with them at the hospital. They really got to know us and we believe this only reinforced the decision the birth mother had made.

Hopefully, when you meet your birth parent(s) someone from your agency will come along. In our experience the agency set up the meeting and our adoption worker was present to help us through the awkward moments. The adoption worker will try to kick off the conversation and help to keep it going. Also, if the birth parent(s) were to ask you a question you may not want to answer (i.e. Where do you work? or Where do you live?) the agency's representative can more easily address the question by letting them know that that particular information is something they do not like to give out. This prevents you from looking defensive or perhaps offending the potential birth parent.

I would suggest you discuss the birth parent meeting with your adoption worker and let them know what your expectations are. Tell them about your concerns. The adoption worker has most likely participated in these meetings several times and can help put your mind at ease. Everyone involved wants the meeting to go well, go in with an open mind and relax.

Our adoptions were semi-open, we only met the birth parent(s) once and all other contact is through the agency. The birth parent(s) know our first names and what state we live in. No personal information is exchanged. If you have any questions about meeting the birth parent or what to expect, feel free to email me at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com. I also read all comments I receive on posts.

Down for the Count

I've been unable to do much blogging lately and I apologize. The kids have spent the last several days running their Grandma Jan all over. I had knee surgery on Thursday and I am just now starting to get around and able to sit a the computer for a little bit.

My boys are having a blast and my mom has done everything around here. Not only is she taking care of me and my sore leg but she has kept the laundry done, the house cleaned, dinner cooked and my boys happy. Thank you! I don't know what I'd do without her.

Hopefully, I will be up and around more this week and able to take some pictures and get back to blogging about my kiddos!