Meeting the Birth parent(s)

Meeting the birth parent(s) of your child can be an awkward experience. We have adopted twice, but we had what we call "a dry run"and therefore we have actually met 3 sets of birth parents and a set of biological grandparents, an aunt, cousins, an uncle, and a biological sibling of our children. So, we've had some experience when it comes to meeting biological family members of our children.

First of all, be yourself. The birth parent has chosen you because they saw something in your portfolio they liked. You want the birth parent(s) to get an honest impression of you. You are the person who will be raising their child. They will have some expectations of you and you may or may not meet them. It's okay, just go with the flow and be yourself.

The first time Brian and I met the birth family of our oldest son was at the hospital. I would recommend you meet before then. It just so happened, that is the way it worked out for us. We walk into the hospital to the birthing center for the scheduled c-section of our oldest son and turned a corner to greet the birth mother's parents, her daughter and her common law husband. We were taken aback, but you smile and introduce yourselves and you know what...it works out. The first thing the birth mother's mother said to me was, you look like my daughter. They were already picturing their child's life with us. I could tell, they immediately accepted us. Maybe it was because I had blond hair, blue eyes and I'm short just like the birth mom. I don't know, but it worked out. Our son was born and his biological father signed paperwork to get us into the nursery immediately so we could begin bonding with our son.

Our "dry run" experience was soon after we had decided to adopt a second child. We were chosen by a set of teenage birth parents. They wanted to meet us but you could tell from the beginning, that something just didn't seem right. Soon after, they decided against adoption and chose to raise the baby. We were told several stories about why they changed their minds about adoption, but we will never know for sure. Of course, we were crushed but we soon realized that baby was not ours. Our baby would come to us when the time was right.

Approximately six months later we received the call again, this time it was another young mother who was due in a month and wanted to meet us. Of course we were hesitant and still a little bruised from the earlier rejection but when we met her we knew, he was going to be ours. She ended up going into labor early and our second son was born about a week later. Supporting the birth mom were her aunt, her uncle, and her two cousins. We were with her family during all the hours of labor and bonded with them at the hospital. They really got to know us and we believe this only reinforced the decision the birth mother had made.

Hopefully, when you meet your birth parent(s) someone from your agency will come along. In our experience the agency set up the meeting and our adoption worker was present to help us through the awkward moments. The adoption worker will try to kick off the conversation and help to keep it going. Also, if the birth parent(s) were to ask you a question you may not want to answer (i.e. Where do you work? or Where do you live?) the agency's representative can more easily address the question by letting them know that that particular information is something they do not like to give out. This prevents you from looking defensive or perhaps offending the potential birth parent.

I would suggest you discuss the birth parent meeting with your adoption worker and let them know what your expectations are. Tell them about your concerns. The adoption worker has most likely participated in these meetings several times and can help put your mind at ease. Everyone involved wants the meeting to go well, go in with an open mind and relax.

Our adoptions were semi-open, we only met the birth parent(s) once and all other contact is through the agency. The birth parent(s) know our first names and what state we live in. No personal information is exchanged. If you have any questions about meeting the birth parent or what to expect, feel free to email me at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com. I also read all comments I receive on posts.