In our situation, I was the infertile one. Finding out you are the problem is hard to accept. It was hard for me to deal with the fact my husband, as long as he were with me, would not have biological children. Since he informed me he didn't plan on going anywhere, that meant he would never have biological children. Knowing that made me feel really guilty. I felt horrible. I felt like I had failed. I felt bad for our parents, they may not become grandparents and that was my fault too. Brian and I are only children so our kids were their one and only shot.
Brian being the great guy he is (hope he doesn't read this it will go straight to his head) never flinched. He never had any anger at me, God, or anyone else about our inability to have children. After we suffered our fifth miscarriage, without even blinking he said, "Okay, so we'll adopt." Of course he was upset about the miscarriages, we both were, but he just went on to Plan B. I'm so thankful for his attitude and strength during that time. Since he was so sure, I accepted it too. Adoption was our fate.
We had mentioned adoption a couple of times during our failed pregnancies, but nothing too seriously. I think we believed in the back of our minds we would have biological kids. After the final miscarriage, I couldn't do it anymore. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I was spent. Brian is the one who brought adoption up again and this time we had a serious discussion about it. How will we afford it? Where do we start? Can we adopt in the US? We started asking questions and started searching for answers.
We had a new plan and I didn't have time to feel guilty anymore. It was time to get over it, I was going to find a new way to become a mom! We told our families and they were completely supportive of our adoption plan. Once the process was underway, my guilt faded. I came to understand God had other plans for us. Now, I look back and I am actually glad we couldn't have biological children. We would not have ended up with our two boys and we could not have created better kids.
Everything happens for a reason and I believe that.
"However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle"
~Valerie Harper, adoptive parent
4 comments:
As an adult adoptee, I hope you will save your wonderful posts for your boys to read when they get older. I found your candid words from an adoptive mother's perspective refreshing. I never knew the reason why my parents chose to adopt me, after already having a biological child of their own. I interpreted the secrecy to mean that they must have experienced some tragic loss, if they couldn't share the truth with me--their daughter.
I applaud you for being honest with your feelings, which in turn I believe makes us even better parents. Looking forward to reading your blog again. Thanks for sharing!
Like JoAnne said above me, I too am an adult adoptee. I'm so happy to have found your blog:) My siblings and I are all adopted because our parents weren't able to have any children of their own. I love that my parents chose all of us.
I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts!
Thanks for the comments ladies! It reassuring to hear I may be doing something good for my boys by keeping this blog. I hope they find it useful one day.
I just found your blog and this entry really caught my attention. I felt this same way and spent many nights crying myself to sleep. I now believe God had another plan for my husband and I. Adopting our son was the best decision we have ever made. Thank you!
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