Transracial/Transcultural Adoption

This week's Creating a Family radio show , Wednesday June 9, will be on "The Inner World of Transracial/Transcultural Adoptees". You can listen or download the show at the radio page of www.CreatingaFamily.org. 


You can send questions in advance to info@creatingafamily.org


Please pass the news about this show to other forums and groups.

We also have a video on Cultural Identity and The Internationally Adopted Child at http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption/videos.html 

Dawn Davenport
Director Creating a Family

Adoption Advice

Sierra adopted at age eight gives advice to adoptive parents and adoptees. Read what she has to say here.

Birth Mother's Day

Do you know about Birth Mother's Day?  I will be honest and tell you I did not.  I learned just the other day Birth Mother's Day is celebrated the Saturday before Mother's Day.  If you are interested in learning more about the history of Birth Mother's Day click here.

List of Celebrity...

adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.  I found this list interesting when I stumbled across it today and thought you might too.

I'm An Adoptee Also

This is my third post from an adoptee.  As I posted before here, I sent out messages to four people I know who are adopted and asked them to respond to some questions and give us their point of view on adoption.  If you missed the second post you can read it here.

A classmate I have known since grade school answers my questions.

34 year old female

1. How old were you when you were adopted?

Adopted at birth.
2. How were you told you had been adopted and at what age?

I don't remember.  I think I just always knew.
3. Were you ever spoken to in a negative way about being adopted by friends, classmates or family members?  Not that I recall.  Sometimes I'll hear people, even family members, make a comment that someone must have been adopted- and they mean it in a negative way- kind of like "they're not like us".  It's a dumb comment but sometimes I think the best response is "Thank goodness."  

4. How did you handle questions or comments about your adoption?

I don't remember a lot of questions or comments.  I think everyone I grew up with knew.  People in college didn't so I think I got a few more questions but it seems like there were more adopted people  at college.
5. Did you ever seek out your birth parent(s)? 

No...not yet but it frequently comes to mind.
6. Were your adoptive parents supportive of your decision to meet or to find your birth parent(s)?

The very few times it has ever come up they've said they would be but there are always comments made that make me think they think it is a bad idea...kind of a Pandora's box.  I'm honestly not sure my mom could handle it.
7. What made you want to find your birth parent(s) or to meet them?

Medical information, curiosity, and to say thank you for making the decision.

8. Has adoption affected you positively or negatively?

I guess positively...because I have the impression that if I hadn't been adopted I would have been raised by some poor teenage mother and that is typically viewed as negative.
9. Do you have siblings? Biological or adopted?

Two adopted siblings.
10. If you have adopted siblings, was it beneficial to have someone you could relate to?

Definitely.
11. Do you view adoption in a positive light?

Positive. Adoption seems to be the resolution of two different families "problems".
12. Would you like to adopt? Why?

Most of the time I think so.  It makes me sad to think that there are kids out there who don't have anyone dedicated to loving them their whole life.  However, sometimes I would just really like to see someone that has a resemblance to me.  I mean, what is that like?
13. Any advice for adoptive parents whose children may be experiencing negative feelings about being adopted?

Don't try to force "sunshine" on them.  Get to the root of the feelings.  And don't be afraid to take it to a qualified professional.  We often think we can solve our own problems but we rarely do.  We usually just say enough to sweep them under the rug until they become bigger problems.

14. What would be your number one piece of advice for adoptive parents?

Be fact based in all your adoption conversations.  Don't try to speculate on how your child feels or what they might encounter should they decide to seek their birth family and don't try to tell them how they should feel.  The only feelings you know and are qualified to speak on are your own.
15. Anything else you would like to share? Anything prospective adoptive parents or those who have already adopted should know?

All children have high points and low points, whether they were adopted or not.  Chalk them up to life, not adoption.

I'm An Adoptee Too

A friend I have known since kindergarten answers my questions.
32 year old male
1. How old were you when you were adopted?

I was a newborn
2. How were you told you had been adopted and at what age?

12 and my parents told me at the dinner table
3. Were you ever spoken to in a negative way about being adopted by friends, classmates or family members?  My parents had said a few times that they wished they had gotten another kid instead of me and that they could tell I was not theirs.

4. How did you handle questions or comments about your adoption?

Never really had questions from anyone, my friends were very supportive and most of them were adopted as well.
5. Did you ever seek out your birth parent(s)? 

I did but was told I could not find them.
6. Were your adoptive parents supportive of your decision to meet or to find your birth parent(s)?

They acted like they were but they knew I could never find them, because my files were           sealed
7. What made you want to find your birth parent(s) or to meet them?
Started out just wanting to know why they didn't want me but then after my parents             started to say things to me it made me want to find them more even though I knew I could never find them.
8. Has adoption affected you positively or negatively?
I think in the long run it has been negative.
9. Do you have siblings? Biological or adopted?
adopted sister
10. If you have adopted siblings, was it beneficial to have someone you could relate to?
My sister was adopted as well but we havent spoken in years partially because of the way I was adopted.
11. Do you view adoption in a positive light?
I do because there are alot of good people that would be great parents and I would not be alive if that weren't true
12. Would you like to adopt? Why?
Yes I want to adopt, I want to give a child a chance and a great home
13. Any advice for adoptive parents whose children may be experiencing negative feelings about being adopted?
Just be honest with them about anything they have questions on
14. What would be your number one piece of advice for adoptive parents?
Don't hide anything
15. Anything else you would like to share? Anything prospective adoptive parents or those who have already adopted should know?
Don't talk negative to them about it and don't hold it over their head

I'm An Adoptee

I have several friends who are adopted.  Last night it occurred to me, I should ask them about adoption and get their point of view.  I wondered if they would be willing to share their story.  I sent an email to each of them with 15 questions and asked them if they would be willing to share their answers with my blog followers.  I have corresponded with each of them after starting Adoptive Momma of Two.  Each of them had positive comments and I am bumfuzzled as to why I had not thought of interviewing them earlier. 

They are all now adults, some with families of their own.  I had intended to do a single post with my questions and each of their answers.  After receiving the first response, I realized they deserve their own post.  I sent out four emails and I have no way of knowing if all will respond.  This may be the only response I receive.  If so, I believe it is full of valuable information for us to learn from.

Here is my story... I am [female] 29 years old and was adopted at 3 months old. My birthmother was a 15 year old catholic girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend that she had been with for a long time. Her parents were very upset with her, mostly her mother, and they sent her to a hospital on Oklahoma City to stay. This hospital takes in young girls, lets them live in the hospital and work there to pay for their stay and healthcare. When I was born I was placed in temporary foster care until the paperwork could be finalized for my adoptive parents. I was adopted by a family that had one natural born son that was 5 years older than me. They adopted because they had a little girl that died in childbirth and could not have anymore children. I was told about my adoption in third grade when I started asking questions about things that happened when I was born. It was a shock to me. It was never talked about again. I was very curious. I wanted to know more. I would see someone that looked like me and think they were my parents. I would go to town Christmas parades and not pay attention because I was looking for someone who resembled me. It wasn't until after I was married (22 years old) that my adoptive parents came forward and told me that they actually knew the names of my birthparents. I was thrilled and immediately started searching. I now have talked to my birthmother via email for the last seven years. I have never had contact with my birthfather but I do know who and where he is. My birthmother and I are close but only through email, letters, and pictures. We are both happy with that relationship.

As for some of the questions....

I have never talked badly about adoption at all. I have had a great experience. It was always a good excuse for me when I was a teenager and my parents were embarassing me..."Well, I am adopted". I am just kidding! I love that people adopt and I feel that it is a touchy thing to do but if it is done right, it can be an amazing thing!

I was always and I mean ALWAYS questioned about being adopted. I looked nothing like my parents so people were always curious. I was comfortable saying that I was adopted. When you are a teenager or young adult, you are always looking for something that makes you stick out from the rest...this is what made me unique. It is only frustrating when going to a Dr. and them asking you your family history. When you don't know...it is a very hard question to answer because you have to go into this whole conversation about adoption. I hate that. So if you are adopting, tell your child early that they are adopted. Be honest and try and get all the past family medical history that you can get and relay that to your child.

I searched for my birthparents out of curiousity. A child will always wants to know who they are, no matter how good of an adoptive parent you are. It is natural. It doesn't mean they want to replace you, they just want to know. My adoptive father was very supportive of me finding my birthparents because he wanted to thank them and let them know how much of joy they gave him in his life. My adoptive mother is still a little uneasy about the situation.

Having a brother who was not adopted made it hard to relate to my family at times. I sometimes felt like an outsider. Not because they made me feel that way but that feeling can't be helped when you know you are different. There was no resentment though. We got along great. Adoptive parents worry so much about how the child will feel. A child will never feel perfect...like nothing is different. But they still love them like a mother and father.

The feeling of being different is not a negative thing...it comes with the feeling of being special and handpicked.

I would love to adopt myself but I was apparently blessed with the genes of my birthmother and have three children of my own. However, when my life slows down and my children are older, I will consider adopting or fostering.

My advice to adoptive parents is...

Don't dwell on the thought that your child is adopted. It makes no difference where the child comes from, what matters is where that child is now and where it is going in life.

Tell your children early in life that they are adopted. Just don't give them all the details. You don't want them to be old enough that they pick up on something that you haven't told them. A child hears more than you think and if you haven't told them, then they will wonder and wondering is harder than reality. Don't tell them details in which they could track down the parents. I was so curious when I was a teenager that if I had any shread of knowing where my birthmother was that I would have left on foot to try and find her. NOW, don't get me wrong. It wasn't because I didn't love my parents and love my family. It was curiousity!!

Be honest.

Don't single them out in any way. Don't make it the first thing out of your mouth when you meet someone. "Hello, this is Sam...he's adopted." This child is yours and no one elses, so take credit for them.

If you are unsure about adoption, I will give you my greatest piece of advice..........ADOPT!! And do it without hesitation. Children need families...great families ...and if you are considering adoption then you already have a great family.