I'm An Adoptee

I have several friends who are adopted.  Last night it occurred to me, I should ask them about adoption and get their point of view.  I wondered if they would be willing to share their story.  I sent an email to each of them with 15 questions and asked them if they would be willing to share their answers with my blog followers.  I have corresponded with each of them after starting Adoptive Momma of Two.  Each of them had positive comments and I am bumfuzzled as to why I had not thought of interviewing them earlier. 

They are all now adults, some with families of their own.  I had intended to do a single post with my questions and each of their answers.  After receiving the first response, I realized they deserve their own post.  I sent out four emails and I have no way of knowing if all will respond.  This may be the only response I receive.  If so, I believe it is full of valuable information for us to learn from.

Here is my story... I am [female] 29 years old and was adopted at 3 months old. My birthmother was a 15 year old catholic girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend that she had been with for a long time. Her parents were very upset with her, mostly her mother, and they sent her to a hospital on Oklahoma City to stay. This hospital takes in young girls, lets them live in the hospital and work there to pay for their stay and healthcare. When I was born I was placed in temporary foster care until the paperwork could be finalized for my adoptive parents. I was adopted by a family that had one natural born son that was 5 years older than me. They adopted because they had a little girl that died in childbirth and could not have anymore children. I was told about my adoption in third grade when I started asking questions about things that happened when I was born. It was a shock to me. It was never talked about again. I was very curious. I wanted to know more. I would see someone that looked like me and think they were my parents. I would go to town Christmas parades and not pay attention because I was looking for someone who resembled me. It wasn't until after I was married (22 years old) that my adoptive parents came forward and told me that they actually knew the names of my birthparents. I was thrilled and immediately started searching. I now have talked to my birthmother via email for the last seven years. I have never had contact with my birthfather but I do know who and where he is. My birthmother and I are close but only through email, letters, and pictures. We are both happy with that relationship.

As for some of the questions....

I have never talked badly about adoption at all. I have had a great experience. It was always a good excuse for me when I was a teenager and my parents were embarassing me..."Well, I am adopted". I am just kidding! I love that people adopt and I feel that it is a touchy thing to do but if it is done right, it can be an amazing thing!

I was always and I mean ALWAYS questioned about being adopted. I looked nothing like my parents so people were always curious. I was comfortable saying that I was adopted. When you are a teenager or young adult, you are always looking for something that makes you stick out from the rest...this is what made me unique. It is only frustrating when going to a Dr. and them asking you your family history. When you don't know...it is a very hard question to answer because you have to go into this whole conversation about adoption. I hate that. So if you are adopting, tell your child early that they are adopted. Be honest and try and get all the past family medical history that you can get and relay that to your child.

I searched for my birthparents out of curiousity. A child will always wants to know who they are, no matter how good of an adoptive parent you are. It is natural. It doesn't mean they want to replace you, they just want to know. My adoptive father was very supportive of me finding my birthparents because he wanted to thank them and let them know how much of joy they gave him in his life. My adoptive mother is still a little uneasy about the situation.

Having a brother who was not adopted made it hard to relate to my family at times. I sometimes felt like an outsider. Not because they made me feel that way but that feeling can't be helped when you know you are different. There was no resentment though. We got along great. Adoptive parents worry so much about how the child will feel. A child will never feel perfect...like nothing is different. But they still love them like a mother and father.

The feeling of being different is not a negative thing...it comes with the feeling of being special and handpicked.

I would love to adopt myself but I was apparently blessed with the genes of my birthmother and have three children of my own. However, when my life slows down and my children are older, I will consider adopting or fostering.

My advice to adoptive parents is...

Don't dwell on the thought that your child is adopted. It makes no difference where the child comes from, what matters is where that child is now and where it is going in life.

Tell your children early in life that they are adopted. Just don't give them all the details. You don't want them to be old enough that they pick up on something that you haven't told them. A child hears more than you think and if you haven't told them, then they will wonder and wondering is harder than reality. Don't tell them details in which they could track down the parents. I was so curious when I was a teenager that if I had any shread of knowing where my birthmother was that I would have left on foot to try and find her. NOW, don't get me wrong. It wasn't because I didn't love my parents and love my family. It was curiousity!!

Be honest.

Don't single them out in any way. Don't make it the first thing out of your mouth when you meet someone. "Hello, this is Sam...he's adopted." This child is yours and no one elses, so take credit for them.

If you are unsure about adoption, I will give you my greatest piece of advice..........ADOPT!! And do it without hesitation. Children need families...great families ...and if you are considering adoption then you already have a great family.