There are many stereotypes that plague birth moms: too young, promiscuous, uneducated, poor, addiction to drugs and/or alcohol. Birth moms do not necessarily chose adoption because they fit into the above stereotypes. They have many reasons for their own personal decision.
Stereotypes are also placed on adoptive parents, especially adoptive mothers. We are sometimes thought of as desperate to have a child, wealthy and arrogant. Well, I can certainly tell you we are not all rich. Not even close. Although I wanted to be a mother very badly, I do not believe I ever became desperate. Brian and I discussed the possibility of not becoming parents and what our lives would be like.
I think the stereotypes surrounding adoption are used to separate birth moms and adoptive moms. In actuality, I think we may be more alike than different. We both love our children so much we would do anything for them. The love we have for our children cannot be measured. I do not believe I am doing a better job of raising my boys than their birth mothers would have done. We all try our best as mothers and to do what is right. Although the circumstances surrounding their birth mothers and me may be different, we will always have one common link. We love our boys.
8 comments:
It's always good to get past the stereotypes.
What an important common link!
I always find it interesting that people make those assumptions of BOTH parties. I can't speak for adoptive mom's, but being a birth mom who's "plan" was to put my son up for adoption when he was born (that plan changed ONLY the day he was born) I felt the way people looked at me when I made them aware of the plan. They all judged, and I wanted to wear a sign showing my bank statement and drug test results to prove I was none of the things they thought I was. How funny that rather then support such a tough decision, people would much rather sit back and judge.
You're right. My choice at the time was to give up my son because I loved him.
There are stereotypes for sure on both ends. We're not desperate to have another child. I want one, but not to the point where I might do anything to get one. Same with having a girl specifically. I would love to have a daughter. SO very much. But my life is pretty darn good if she doesn't ever come along (I guess I can hope for good daughter in laws?!)
Everyone has assumed with the 2nd & 3rd pregnancies we were trying to get a girl. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We were simply trying to create our family :) Assumptions are often so wrong!!
I am another of the non-desperate adoptive moms. My husband and I talked about adopting when we were first married. Then we quickly had 3 kids in 5 years. We adopted our 4th child when the Lord finally gave us a break in pregnancies for a few years. We have since had another baby. I love adoption, not because I'm desperate for another baby, but because of the beauty of the theology of adoption and how it is a reflection of what God has done for me. Plus it's a really cool way that God puts families together.
I love how you shared this ... it is true there are too many stereo types and too many lifetime movies
beautiful!
I find myself getting defensive when people make assumption or judgements about my girls' birthmoms. I've learned to only think and speak postively about them for my girls so it bothers me when other make condescending remarks. It's also awkward when people ask why they made an adoption plan. I find myself feeling like I need to justify their reason when really it's nobody's business because that's when the opportunity for judgement occurs. I need to train myself to say that it's really not my place to share their story.
i concur =)
"We both love our children so much we would do anything for them. The love we have for our children cannot be measured."
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