1/10/11

Only Child

A very common question I am asked is, what is it like to be an only child?  Many people who adopt are only able to adopt one time and they worry about raising an only child.  Since my husband and I are both only children, although neither of us adopted, I am often asked about being an only.

We have discussed our childhoods as only children and for us, being an only child was no big deal.  We were not raised as only children really, we both had either cousins or friends around all the time.  Brian was raised closely with a younger cousin and I always had friends around and we vacationed with family and several cousins.

I think the most important part of raising an only child is to make sure other children are around.  I was never alone.  I was active in community activities, playing with friends or neighbors and on vacations I was always able to bring a friend or family was near.  Me being an only worked out great for my childhood best friend.  She traveled all over with us and enjoyed some great vacations.

On the weekends friends spent the night, even if it was the two neighbor boys.  These brothers were like my own brothers when I was little.  Our parents were great friends and the boys were like my family.  I was between them in age and we spent most of our childhoods together.  We camped out in the living room playing games and watching movies.  We played wiffle ball in the backyard from dawn until dusk.   I certainly was never bored.

Our friends, neighbors and even our adoption social worker tease us about being only children who have family around more than those with large families.  It's true, we call our house Hotel Mitchell.  Rarely is there a vacancy.  Most weekends are spent with family.

I believe children are able to grow up to be well adjusted, unselfish, successful adults even when they are only children.  Brian and I turned out alright...at least we think so.

1/7/11

ADHD and Adoption

Studies suggest that adopted children are about 20% more likely to have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  Theories as to why are abundant.  Some studies say many adopted children have a genetic link.   Meaning, those with impulse control may be more likely to experience an unplanned pregnancy thus placing a child for adoption.

Other studies suggest that adopted children, especially older adopted children are exposed to risk factors that may affect their behavioral health.  Those factors include movement from foster home to foster home, prenatal drug exposure, abuse and neglect.

Finally, other researchers suggest that we as adoptive parents may be more alert to our child's behaviors and more likely to notice symptomatic behavior.  In other words, we know a risk may be present and therefore we along with our children's teachers and doctors are less likely to brush off an impulsive behavior or other symptoms.  I have also read one article that went so far as to say adoptive parents are many times more affluent and therefore our children receive better medical care therefore behavioral issues are more likely to be diagnosed.

I do not know the answer.  I am not a behavioral specialist.  I am a mother.  I am an adoptive mother.  I am a parent of a child recently diagnosed with ADHD.

I know ADHD is a highly debated topic.  I agree ADHD/ADD is sometimes over diagnosed.  I also know that our son's doctor has spent the last 17 years of his career receiving post graduate education on ADHD/ADD and behavioral health.  I feel we are in good hands. ADHD was brought up a long time ago as a possibility and we waited until he started school to see if he had any issues.  We started to have issues so we revisited the possibility of ADHD and received a formal diagnosis.

Since beginning a medication regime we have seen a big change in his behavior.  He is much more focused, calm, less impulsive and we have even noticed a change in his speech.  He speaks more slowly, clearly and effectively.

We were very hesitant to begin medication.  We did not want to mess with God's work.  We were afraid we would be altering his personality, changing who he is.  We did not want to make him feel worse, clouded, foggy or drugged.  We struggled with these feelings and concerns and sought answers.  After a little counseling from an adult ADHD sufferer we learned we were helping him.  We began to understand what it was like for him to be in class.  If someone was tapping their foot, a bird was outside chirping, someone was walking down the hall, and the teacher was talking he was hearing all of it.  His brain could not filter out the backgrounds sounds to focus on his lessons. After much discussion and many email exchanges we became comfortable with our decision.

This week was his first week back to school while taking his medication.  What a change!  He now participates in all class activities.  He did not have any behavioral issues. He even taught a child how to build a spaceship with connector sticks.  If you knew our son before medication you would know you could barely get him to sit still long enough to teach him something let alone him having the patience to teach someone else.  What a major milestone!

We are still learning, reading and educating ourselves about ADHD. We are working hand and hand with his physician to make sure we are doing what is right for our son.

A specific cause for ADHD/ADD has not been identified. Our son had a genetic risk so we were on the lookout. We had a hunch and we followed our gut.  I think we have made the right decision.  I blog about our son's ADHD diagnosis to make you aware.  ADHD can be an issue in adopted children.  ADHD can be an issue for any child but studies suggest a higher occurrence in adopted children, it is good to be aware and informed.



A few articles about ADHD in adopted children:
Post Adoption Learning Center
Families.com
AdoptiveFamilies.com

1/6/11

Baby Boy Needs Family


I received the following email today through an adoption list serv.  I do not have personal experience with the agency or facilitators.  Please practice due diligence and research the postings.
________________________________
LOOKING FOR a Family to adopt a biracial boy due Feb 2011 --- Code: Michelle – February 14, 2011

Name & Due Date: Michelle – Due February 14, 2011 (Always delivers 3-4 weeks early – could be as early as January 24, 2011)
Sex (If Known): Boy
Race: ¾ Caucasian & ¼ Afro American
Location: Mid-South Region - KS
Health: Michelle's mother and Grandmother have and are being treated for Bi-Polar. All of her other children are well and healthy. There is a drug history (Meth & Marijuana) she has been in rehab and is 6 months clean. She smokes about 6 cigarettes a day. There was no mention of any alcohol use. 
Other Info: This child is a result of a rape. Her husband is willing to sign all paperwork needed. She has placed through us before. 
Total Estimated Fees: $ 23,000 - $ 25,000 (includes all expenses) 
Case Worker: fl

IF YOU ARE PAPER READY AND INTERESTED, please contact Sarah sarahjdalia@gmail.com (sarahjdalia @ gmail.com - No spaces) or Adamadambodily@gmail.com (adambodily @ gmail.com - No spaces) Email Adam and Sarah if you are interested and then take the time to go to our webpageWWW.Adoptionadvertising.org, download the adoptive parent intake form, fill it out and email it to adambodily@gmail.com (adambodily @ gmail.com - NO SPACES) Adam or Sarah will call you after they get the intake. You will need to fill this out before we show any information about you to the BM.

****NOTE**** We have many Caucasian, Hispanic, Afro American and Biracial situations. We are working with several birth mothers and are looking for families to match them with. – YOU MUST BE PAPER READY TO WOEK WITH US. If you are interested and paper ready Email Sarahsarahjdalia@gmail.com (sarahjdalia @ gmail.com - No spaces) or Adam adambodily@gmail.com (adambodily @ gmail.com - No spaces)

Kathy Finch kathrynmfinch@hotmail.com
"Adoption Advertising" Adoption Administrative Assistant
WWW.Adoptionadvertising.org


1/4/11

Waiting Children

I received the following email today through an adoption list serv.  I do not have personal experience with the agency or facilitators.  Please practice due diligence and research the postings.
________________________________


Little Mitch is still waiting for a family. He ia a healthy baby boy with Down Syndrome in Poland. He was surrendered to a Catholic orphanage shortly after birth. He has been lovingly raised by the Sister's but needs a family! He is available to couples and Single mom's. Technically he is available to families with a maternal age of 46 or less, but Poland will be flexible for the right family. Mitch has a sunny disposition and has a great outlook for the future with only minimal delays at this time. Our agency is offering a grant to help his family bring him home. Poland requires your option of one long trip (6 weeks) or two shorter trips (2 weeks, 10 days). Both parents must travel for the initial trip period. For more information email nina.thompson@chiadopt.org 


_________________________________


Boy age 12 outgoing, excellent student,loves science & badminton.There is an adoption grant of $4200 for eligible families and possible fee waivers up to $4000. This child is part of the Special Focus program and only WACAP (www.wacap.org) is advocating for them. As part of the Special Focus project it is easier to get exceptions if you don't meet the requirements to adopt. For more information please contact FamilyFinders@wacap.org or Ckids@wacap.org
He is part of a group of 60 new children.

He is currently living at the orphanage and attending regular school in the same grade as peers his own age. His caregivers say that he does excellent in school and his favorite subjects are science and physical education. He says that he likes to read and enjoys playing on the computer and using it to learn more about science. He enjoys playing with balls and badminton and his favorite animal is a wolf. He says that his favorite food is an apple and that he would like to be a driver when he grows up. His caregivers describe his personality as outgoing and he would greatly benefit from a loving family. Original diagnosis hydrocephalus. His ID is JH5.BYX.1298.31292.01

If you adopted in the last 12 months, you may be able to reuse your old dossier to bring this child home! WACAP has video and extra photographs of this child. The CCAA is more lenient with adoptive parent requirements for "Special Focus" children. If you do not meet China's requirements, contact us to see if you might be able to get an exception. If you are interested in adopting two children at once please ask. WACAP (www.wacap.org) is a non-profit adoption agency. Contact FamilyFinders@wacap.org or Ckids@wacap.org


Not For Everyone

I do not like it when people tell an infertile family "you can always adopt".  As if it were that easy.  Adoption is not a decision to be taken lightly and it is not for everyone.  Infertile families are sometimes made to feel they are being selfish by not saving the "many children in need of a home."

I have wanted to say to that person "why don't you quit having biological children then and start adopting?".  You know, because it's so easy and there are children to be saved.

As adoptive parents, we are not out to save the world's children.  We are becoming parents to a child who was provided an opportunity better than the one their birth family could provide.  I am not speaking of third world orphans.  I cannot speak to adopting a child from such a predicament.  I can only speak for adopting domestically via an agency because that is all I have experienced.

My children were not destined for a life of malnourishment, malaria, and neglect.  They would have been loved and cared for by their birth mothers but they would not been afforded the life and opportunities we are able to provide.  Their birth mothers would not have been able to accomplish the goals they had for an education and a better life for themselves had they parented.  The birth mothers made a choice for their children, an unselfish choice in their child's best interest.  Lucky me.  I became a parent because of their decision.

I will never tell someone you should just adopt.  Adoption is not right for everyone, for many reasons.  We chose not to pursue fertility treatments, IVF, or surrogacy.  Those options were not the right ones for us. We had our own personal reasons for not choosing them.  I believe seeking out your path to parenthood is a very personal choice and subject to each persons own issues and beliefs.

When I hear someone say "you should just adopt."  It makes me think of  someone telling you "you should be a Baptist." It is a personal choice, for personal reasons.  No one can tell you what is right for you.

Now, if you have decided adoption is your way to parenthood.  Good luck.  What can I do to help?

1/2/11

It's Over

Christmas decorations are down and the house is slowing getting back in order.  It's official, 2010 is over and a new year has begun.  We are back into the swing of things tomorrow.
  
Clark will be taking down the lights outdoors today and I will soon be able to vacuum without having to worry about tripping a breaker.

We celebrated two Christmases at our home.  One with my family on Christmas and another over the New Year with Brian's family.

Although I sold most of our furniture on Craigslist right before Christmas, we were able to buy new furniture and have a place to sit over the holidays.  The boys loved the empty space and our temporary furniture was a blown up mattress and bean bags which became a playground.

We did receive a call from our adoption agency over the holidays for another little girl born in December. Unfortunately, she would not have been a good fit for our family.  I know people are always shocked when we pass up a potential adoptive placement but as parents of two boys they are our priority and if a situation is not a good fit for our family, we must move on.

Hope you all are blessed in 2011!

1/1/11

Waiting Child

Please contact me at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com for more information if you are accepting of a birth mom with significant mental health issues. Adoptive families must have a completed home study.