Differences

Brice began school last week and this month's theme is "All About Me".  The class will focus on family, friends, school and favorite things.  Ms. Stacy his teacher, requested photographs for the kids to make a collage.  I spent part of my morning printing photos to send to school wit h him.

This activity got me to thinking, I wonder if Ms. Stacy needs to know Brice is adopted.  We have not told her, although it is not a secret.  We have no real reason for not sharing this information, it may come up but so far it has not.  Brice has not quite grasped what adoption means although if I ask him if he's adopted he responds, "yep, I'm dopted."  Since Brice does not fully understand the meaning yet, we doubted it would come up in the classroom for him this year.

Activities like "All About Me" will in the future require us to make sure his teachers know he's adopted.  Often, adoptive parents are concerned about family tree activities, genealogy assignments and family history home work.  I guess I may be naive', but I have not concerned myself with this issue.  Either has Brian I suppose, because we have only briefly discussed it. Here are my thoughts on this issue, don't condemn me for them if you do not agree they are just my feelings right or wrong.  I am certain my thoughts and views will evolve and change as our children age and we are presented with situations where their adoptions are relevant.

We all have differences.  Adoption is a difference my kids have from some of their classmates.  No big deal. Differences occur in each of us.  I was different from my friends when I was little because I was an only child and my parents were not divorced.  My friends were different from me because they had step siblings, half siblings, two families.  Some of my friends were adopted by their step parents and/or grandparents.  Not the same as my children, but adopted nonetheless.

My kids will go to school with children from all backgrounds.  Some will have a single parent, some will be raised by their grandparents, some with same sex parents, some will have step families, and some may be adopted.  We are all different in our own way.  Our families come together from all directions.  Ours just happened to come together through adoption.

When I tell my kids they are adopted, keeping in mind they are young and I try to keep it age appropriate, I tell them this means you have twice as many people who love you in the world and you can never be loved by too many.  When I send update letters and photos to the agency, Brice will usually include a drawing or picture he's colored.  I tell him we are sending this to your birth family.  As the boys age and begin to understand, of course we will expand our explanation.

Brian and I have a philosophy in our home.  If we treat adoption as no big deal, it won't be.  If we use the term adoption in our home regularly it will become part of our family's normal vocabulary, making it easier to understand for our kids.

Right or wrong this is how we have decided to handle adoption in our home.  Our children are adopted but that does not make them who they are.  Adoption is part of their identity but only a fraction of the whole story.