6/29/10

Special Needs Child

Looking for a family for a baby boy through my adoption ministry: specialneedsinfantadoption.blogspot.com

Here are his stats:

He has a very rare genetic malformation call Cat Cry Syndrome (please research this carefully before contacting me).
The following tests came back normal: hearing, eye sight, metabolic function and heart.
He is missing a kidney.
He has the typical cat cry.
He is Caucasian and 4.5 months old

Bmom is in CO which requires the use of an agency. But this would be what is called a designated adoption which is usually much cheaper. She is not currently with an agency so it would be the family's pick.

Families must already be homestudy approved to adopt special needs.

Please contact me if you are interested. I do not charge for my services, but you will have adoption expenses of an agency, an attorney, travel, etc.

Thanks!

Kelly Grove


6/28/10

This and That

I have received emails lately thanking me for posting this and that because someone was needing the information.  Well, you are welcome.  Exactly the reason I chose to begin this blog.

Do you have something you are wondering about?  Do you need assistance finding information?  Do you just want to pick my brain?  Feel free.  Leave me a comment and I'd be happen to answer your questions and/or do a post on topics you may be needing information on.  Thanks for reading!

Beyond Control

Adoption is an adventure and you often feel out of control and along for the ride.  One aspect of adoption that is out of our hands is fetal exposure.  Adoptive parents can be selective regarding drug history, alcohol use, and smoking history of the birth mother.  We were selective in a lot of these areas.  We chose no drug or alcohol use during pregnancy.  We did however allow smoking.


We have dealt with a few respiratory issues.  One of our boys is soon to be allergy tested and tested for asthma due to a frequent struggle with respiratory issues.   Dealing with these things is part of our adoption adventure.


Had I been able to carry our children, I would not have smoked.  My mother in law is not a smoker however and my husband has asthma.  It can happen regardless but the risk can definitely be lowered.  A birth mother's choice to smoke or not to smoke is beyond our control.


As an adoptive parent, you will have to research the effects of certain exposures.  You will then have to decide what you are willing to accept and perhaps continually deal with.


The following website is very helpful when researching the effects of drugs, alcohol and smoking.  The Organization of Teratology Information Specialists (OTIS) is a non-profit organization made up of individual services throughout North America. They are dedicated to providing accurate evidence-based on clinical information about exposures during pregnancy and lactation. If you have questions about risks please locate a service near you by clicking on the map on the top of the web page.




6/25/10

Winner!

The winner of I'm Adopted, I'm Special is Laura Curthoys!  Congratulations!  Please send me an email at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com with your contact information and I will get the book sent to you as soon as possible.  


Thanks everyone who entered. Have a wonderful weekend!

Last Chance!

Last chance to enter to win the children's book I'm Adopted, I'm Special!  Be sure to enter to win here!!  I will pick a random winner at 12p CST.

6/24/10

Raising Boys

Every Tuesday and Thursday Brice attends speech therapy at the University of Tulsa.  During his half hour appointments, Rogan and I often go on "treasure hunts". Treasure hunts are actually just a walk around campus looking for nature's treasures such as acorns, leaves, rocks, anything that catches our eye.  Today, we hit the jackpot.  We found a little snake skin from a garter snake.

Brice was very excited when he came out of his appointment to see the treasure we found. He was waving the small skin all around saying, "snake, snake!". The ladies in the waiting room and his speech pathologist were not impressed.

Raising boys guarantees life is never dull.

6/23/10

Home Study

Trying to locate a home study professional in your area?  I found this website today and thought it might be helpful to many of you.  Adoption Home Study Professional Locator click here!

6/22/10

Adoption Talk

I never knew how many people were touched by adoption or looking to adopt until I began to talk about adoption.  Since becoming an adoptive parent we have met, emailed, and spoken to probably at least a hundred people about adoption.  We correspond with friends of friends, neighbors of a friend, extended family, our doctors, teachers, church members and many more about adoption.

Adoption has enriched our lives more than we could have ever imagined.  I randomly cross paths with someone interested in adoption.  The most recent person happens to be my son's speech pathologist.  I mentioned adoption and off the conversation went.  She and her husband hope to adopt and she has many (I believe she said 12) adoptees in her family.  Of course I provided her with my blog address and local adoption agency information.

I wish someone would have spread the word about adoption to me when we began the process. I would have appreciated a personal resource and sounding board.  I blog to get the word out. I openly discuss adoption, keeping the personal facts personal.

Discussing adoption = advocating adoption.

Adoption used to be a taboo topic, that is no longer the case.  Adoption talk can help others who may be beginning their journey or seeking information to do so.  You never know, you may lead a child to their forever family.



Remember to enter to win the children's book I'm Adopted, I'm Special to be given away on Friday!  Click here to win!!

Vote for AM2!


Click HERE

6/21/10

I Became a Mother When...

I became a mother when I held my oldest son.  When I was first able to hold Brice, feel his warmth, and touch his skin I felt like a mother.

As I have previously blogged, I had five early term miscarriages.  I do not recall the dates.  I generally know the time period.  I mourned the losses and processed my feelings coming to terms with my fate.  

I know many disagree with my feelings.  I have known some to say they did not feel like a mother until after their baby came home.   Others became mothers as soon as they learned of their pregnancy.  I am not wrong and neither are they. The feeling of motherhood comes upon us each differently.

Perhaps because we quickly moved onto adoption after our many miscarriages and we were soon matched with our son that I kept my feelings of motherhood at bay until he was in my arms.  I loved him instantly, even before I ever saw him but did not truly feel like his mother until I held him.  Also, I never heard a heart beat or felt a baby in womb.  Certainly, a later loss would have changed my thoughts on this topic.

This discussion began in a forum I frequent and I found the different feelings and beliefs to be intriguing.  I felt it would make an a good post.  I do not believe there is a right or wrong.  It is however interesting that many of us feel so differently.

When did you become a mother?

Summer

Today is the first day of summer.  Our family has kicked off summer with a bang, how about yours?  Read about our start to summer on my other blog.

Holy Smokes!

Where did that week go?

It all started when Brian's parents arrived a week ago Saturday to spend the weekend at our house.  They left on Sunday and Tuesday, June 15th Road Trippin' Granny and my mom arrived.  Mom and Granny had been traveling from Kansas to Colorado to visit family. After their Colorado road trip they drove to Oklahoma to spend the rest of the week with us.  Granny left Friday to travel back to the Land of Oz and my dad arrived for the weekend to pick up my mom and head to Oklahoma City to work for a few days.

Brian, the kids, and I followed my parents to Oklahoma City yesterday to spend Father's Day together.  It has been crazy around here.  Hotel Mitchell has had no vacancies.  We have played dominoes, visited with family, had fun, and have eaten a lot of food.  Good times!  We had so much fun in fact, I never even stopped long enough to pick up my camera and snap a picture. You will just have to take my word for it.

A great way to kick off summer.

Book Giveaway!

Remember to enter to win a copy of the children's book I'm Adopted, I'm Special by Beth Rice which I will be giving away this Friday, June 25th.

Click here to enter now!

6/19/10

Wendy's Weekend

Dave Thomas was the founder of Wendy's and an adoptee who established the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption (DTFA).  This weekend is the 4th annual Father's Day Frosty Weekend. Go to Wendy's this weekend, buy a frosty, and Wendy's will donate 50 cents to DFTA.  There are several other ways you can raise money for DTFA using Facebook, Twitter and more.  Visit this website to read all about it and help more than 123,000 children in the U.S. waiting for their forever families.

6/15/10

I'm Adopted, I'm Special

I've located another children's book author who has provided us with a tool to use when explaining adoption to our children. Yesterday, I found TheRiceTales.com home of I'm Adopted, I'm Special.

I'm Adopted, I'm Special is a children's book authored by Beth Rice. Beth is an adoptee and she recognized a need for a children's book explaining adoption in a straight forward and simple manner.  To purchase a copy of I'm Adopted, I'm Special visit her website TheRiceTales.com.

Beth has generously donated a copy of I'm Adopted, I'm Special to be given away to one of Adoptive Momma of Two's readers!  You have multiple opportunities to enter to win:
  1. Become a follower of Adoptive Momma of Two.  
  2. Leave a comment on this post.
  3. Blog about this giveaway and comment on this post letting me know you have done so with a link to your blog.
  4. Become a follower of @adoptivemomma on Twitter.  Click here for my profile.
  5. Tweet about this giveaway then leave me a comment below telling me you have done so.
  6. Become a fan of Adoptive Momma of Two on Facebook.  Click here to do so.
  7. If you already follow my blog, are a Facebook fan, or a follower on Twitter you are automatically entered to win.
I will choose a random winner using random.org on Friday, June 25th at 12:00p CST.  










6/14/10

Parenthood For Me

I received an email the other day from Erica Walther Schlaefer.  Erica is an adoptive mother and co-founder of the not for profit Parenthood For Me, Inc.   Here is an excerpt from their website parenthoodforme.org
"Parenthood for Me, Inc. is a national 501 c(3) tax exempt non-profit. Having a family is fundamental to the human experience. It should not come down to the size of your bank account. Our goal is to provide emotional support, educational tools, and financial support to those adopting or pursuing Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to try and conceive. We hope to ease some of the burden bestowed on people who desperately want to be parents."
I encourage you to visit parenthoodforme.org and sign up for the newsletter.  Be sure to check out the list of helpful resources.

Erica also authors the blog Parenthood For Me.  Her blog will provide you more insight from Erica and her journey through infertility and adoption.  I read many of her posts and would highly recommend Adoptive Parents Are Expecting Too.  If you are a parent in waiting you will have no problem relating to the post and her personal experience.

Finally, thanks Erica for contacting me and letting me know about your wonderful organization and adding me to your blogroll.  Readers of Adoptive Momma of Two be sure to spread the word about Parenthood For Me, Inc.

6/13/10

Regulation of Adoption Expenses

The following is a list of costs and expenses often deemed appropriate in connection with an adoption:

  1. Travel costs and expenses.  Transportation costs associated with a birth mother's medical appointments and any transportation costs relating to adoption placement.
  2. Counseling for birth parents.
  3. Birth mother's living expenses.  Food, clothing and other necessities.
  4. Medical expenses of the birth mother and adoptee.
  5. Attorney fees and court costs.
What is customary and reasonable can vary from state to state.  Also individual state statutes may place limitations on the length of time expenses are allowable.  For example, in Oklahoma costs associated with birth parent counseling are allowed up to six months after placement. Also in Oklahoma, the payment of living expenses ends two months after placement. Courts may extend payment periods and prohibit or allow additional costs and expenses.

To learn more about the regulation of expenses in your state click here.






6/11/10

Bend It Like Briceman

Our oldest son Brice began indoor soccer last night.  Check it out!

Soccer

Brice started indoor soccer last night.  We decided to go with soccer instead of t-ball we were afraid t-ball may be a little too slow moving for Briceman.  He did a great job and is actually pretty good at dribbling the ball while running.  The Lil' Kickers is not actually a league they work on their skills and teach them the basics.  Next year he will be old enough for games.  We hope he continues to enjoy it, we believe it is a great activity for him because he gets to move constantly.  He was so proud of his uniform he did not want to take it off last night.

6/9/10

Transracial/Transcultural Adoption

This week's Creating a Family radio show , Wednesday June 9, will be on "The Inner World of Transracial/Transcultural Adoptees". You can listen or download the show at the radio page of www.CreatingaFamily.org


You can send questions in advance to info@creatingafamily.org


Please pass the news about this show to other forums and groups.

We also have a video on Cultural Identity and The Internationally Adopted Child at http://www.creatingafamily.org/adoption/videos.html 

Dawn Davenport
Director Creating a Family

6/8/10

Adoption Records

Accessing adoption records can be a difficult process.  In an attempt to make it easier on our children if and when they decide to find their biological family members we would suggest the following:

1.  Keep a copy of their original birth certificates.  When an adoption is finalized a new birth certificate is generally issued.  The original birth certificate generally becomes a sealed document kept by vital records.  In approximately 26 states, a court order is still required to obtain a copy of an original birth certificate.

2.  Keep a copy of the original court documents.  We have a copy of the adoption petition and finalization order.  In nearly all states, records from adoption proceedings are sealed and difficult to obtain.

3. The Central Adoption Registry.  Our children were born in Texas which uses the Central Adoption Registry system.  Our adoption agency provides adoptive parents and birth parents the necessary information needed to use the Central Adoption Registry.  The registry system provides adult adoptees, birth parents and biological siblings the ability to locate one another without the court system which can be costly and time consuming.  We have this information which is kept in our boy's adoption boxes.  When our sons reach adulthood they will be able to use the registry.

If your state does not use an adoption registry there are other registries available.  Visit adoption.com to read about their adoption registry.

Anything you can do to assist your children in locating their biological family members someday I am certain they will appreciate.

If you would like to learn more on obtaining adoption records visit these sites:
Texas Adoption Registry
Child Welfare Information Gateway
Search your State Statutes regarding adoption records
Vital Records




































6/7/10

I Felt Sick

We took the boys to a small little water park right down the road this weekend.  While we were there, I noticed another young family with their two girls.  Later on in the afternoon, I ended up behind the father in the line for the concession stand.  I suddenly noticed his tattoos. Especially, the white power, white pride, swastika, and other white supremacist symbols and statements.

I felt sick.  This young man who was raising two lovely little girls hated people outside of his own race.  He would teach his daughters to hate too.  My son's may go to school with these girls someday.  My half hispanic sons.

I wanted to say something to him.  I wanted to say, why do you have hate in your heart? Look at my boys.  They and your little girls are so sweet and innocent.  How could you not like them just because they do not look like you?  I suddenly became defensive of my boys.

I didn't say anything.  Instead I have been thinking about him since yesterday.  I have let him bother me. I hope my sons never cross paths with such hateful people.  I hope they grow up to appreciate everyone and to love all skin tones.  I hope we teach them to have that love in their heart.

What Didn't We Do?

We started out Saturday morning by heading out to our little local airport for the Just Plane Fun event.  They had all kinds of games for the kids, bounce houses, the local mascots and we watched teams try and pull a 747 airplane.

Sunday we went to a new little water park they opened up down the road. No pictures, but we had a lot of fun. It will be a great place for me to take the kids this summer.

We also played outside.  The boys had a race.  Rogan cheats.  He says, "GO!" and takes off while everyone else is still on their mark.

Brice painted a few pictures.

We attempted to roast marshmallows for s'mores.  Brice just liked burning the marshmallows and Rogan just wanted to eat all the ingredients.

We did a lot and we had a lot of fun!

6/5/10

Another Family Needed

HI Everyone,

I posted earlier about a bm situation, and now I have another!!

(I've met with 3 birth moms in 2 days)

This bm is having a scheduled C section in less than 2 weeks, she is having
a girl, and she wants a family that is as close to Gainesville, Florida, as
possible, without actually being in Gainesville.

She is still working, and has minimal needs in the way of birth mother
expenses. She admits to daily smoking, but denies any drug or alcohol use,
and has had prenatal care throughout the pregnancy.

I do not have an exact idea of total costs, but I would estimate around
$24-25K.

Please email me at tracy@theadoptionauthority.com or call at 904 236 6776,
preferably as soon as possible, we are trying to match by Sunday ,
(tomorrow)

Must be homestudy ready, with current FBI .


Family Needed

Urgent! Caucasion BM due August 12. Looking to match with family 
wanting an open adoption. The birthmother is married with 4 children 
and cannot afford a 5th child. The mother admits to daily smoking but 
has denied drug and alcohol use during pregnancy. The mother reports 
to have no prenatal care but will within the next couple of weeks. 
Father is supportive of adoption plan.

The costs for this adoption are as follows:
15,000 agency fee. (7,500 due at match and 7,500 due at placement)
6,000 attorney fees
1,500 ICPC paperwork if applicable
5,000 to 10,000 birthmother expenses. The family has great needs 
including housing and medical needs.
Total cost: 27,500-32,500

Please note that as a Florida adoption there is no revocation period. 
The consent is irrevocable at signing.

Only considering adoptive parent(s) who have a current home study and 
background checks (completed within last 12 months). Homestudy must 
have been completed by a licensed agency.

Call or e-mail with questions!

tracy@theadoptionauthority.com
ramirez.thea@gmail.com

1800-747-5145


6/3/10

Creating Our Third Portfolio

I recently completed our third adoption portfolio.  I decided this would be a good time to provide a little advice on completing your own.  Our agency is not high tech and therefore our portfolios are in hard copy format.  I created the portfolio in PowerPoint then uploaded to FedEx Kinkos for printing.  We have ours bound and printed in color.  I have heard of others doing theirs in electronic format and I am unfortunately unfamiliar with creating one in that manner.  Either way, you may be interested in our order of layout and contents to be included.  I created a post in July of last year on creating your portfolio.  I have updated the post with recent information.  Here you go...

Your adoption agency will probably ask you to create a portfolio. The portfolio is used by the agency to introduce you to birth mothers. Your portfolio is basically a condensed scrapbook of your life. If possible, ask your agency to let you review portfolios of past adoptive parents so you can get ideas for content, design, etc. I am not a creative person, I needed to see what others had to done to get an idea of where to start.

We kept our portfolios fairly simple and took them to our local print shop to have them copied and bound. Your agency will tell you how many copies you will need. I always made an extra for our child's adoption keepsake box. 

We created a new portfolio for all of our adoptions, of course the second and third portfolios had to include our sons. It was suggested by our agency to include our sons in the portfolio, but maybe not on the cover. At first we didn't know what to think about that suggestion. Our initial thought was they are the most important persons in our life.  We want the birth mother to know their child will have older siblings, our boys had to be front and center.

After more thought and consideration, we decided the agency was probably correct and they absolutely should be included but in the sequence of events. If a birth mother saw a portfolio with children already the center of attention right on the front page, they may not think their child could fit into our family. If we took the time to introduce our sons and how they came into our lives, a birth mother would get a better impression of how their child would fit into our family.

Our portfolios started with a picture of Brian and I on the front. Use current photos. You want the person in the portfolio to be the person a birth mother meets, if you are chosen. Also keep it simple. Simple colors, not a lot of design or anything that could be distracting. Also, keep it short. You do not want the birth mother to grow tired of you before she even has a chance to meet you. Our portfolios were no more than 20 pages, some pages were just pictures with little decoration.

Inside, the portfolio was a chronological scrapbook of us. Brian and I met in grade school so the first page included a short narrative about how long we have known each other, when we started dating and when we got married.  I included a photo of us together at our high school prom and then a wedding photo. I think by including both photos I was showing longevity in our relationship. The narrative was short and to the point, about a paragraph.

Next, were pictures of us participating in activities we enjoy together with a short narrative of what we like to do and why. Our dog had a page. We love dogs and she is a part of our family, so they were included. A grandparents page, with pictures of our parents and a short paragraph written by them and addressed to the birth mother. In our second and third portfolio, this is where our sons came in. We had a few pages with pictures of us with them as babies, pictures of us on vacation, all of us at the zoo, the aquarium, the park, etc.

Include photos of your home, this gives the birth mother an idea of where the child will grow up. I included photos from our neighborhood that showed what a great family oriented neighborhood we have with walking paths, fishing ponds, swimming pools and a playground. Include a photo of the decorated nursery. It gives the birth mother a visual for where their child will be cared for and sleep at night.

Brian and I each wrote a letter to the birth mother explaining our feelings and thoughts about each other, our children, our families, the adoption process and about her. We thanked her for taking the time to look at our portfolio and giving us her consideration.

Finally, I ended our portfolios with a page and photos of our family. Brian and I are only children so I included pictures of cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone we are close to. I wanted to show even though we are only children our children will be surrounded by loved ones.

You never know what a birth mother is going to pick out to latch onto in your portfolio. In our first adoption, it was the dogs. The birth mother loved dogs and wanted her child to grow up with a pet. Our second adoption, the birth mother liked the grandparents' letters. She liked all the family we had around us. She liked the longevity of relationships in our family. Our parents have been married for over 35 years and Brian and I have been together since we were teenagers. She liked the stability.

I think the social worker at our agency put it well when she told us, birth mothers will look at your portfolio and try to picture their lives turning out like yours. It puts a lot of pressure on your portfolio, but I think it is the most important task you will complete during the adoption process. You will not get to meet a birth mother unless she likes your portfolio. It is your resume and your first impression.


6/2/10

Zoo Day

It has been very hot in Oklahoma...like July and August hot.  Despite the ridiculous heat the boys and I decided to head to the zoo today.  There was a pretty good breeze so it was tolerable.

The boys ate their weight in food and they kept wanting more.  We started off with popcorn and a lemonade (I did feed them breakfast by the way) then they wanted lunch. Chicken strips, fries and a fruit cup.  Of course that had to be followed by a large cookie for dessert.  Our boys, it seems as if their legs are hollow sometimes.  I do not know where they put it all.  I did not buy myself lunch because I thought there is no way they will eat all of theirs so I'll just have the leftovers.  I had a turkey sandwich when we got home.
The goose was trying to sneak in for Rogan's dropped popcorn.
Rogan was alerted to the sneak attack.

Family Needed

I wanted to make you aware of a situation to see if you know of someone who
is interested in adopting.

Birthmother and Birthfather are African American. They are married, and
this is their 3rd child together. The mother is mid 20's, no known health
problems, and has been receiving prenatal care since the beginning of the
pregnancy. She denies any drug or alcohol use.

She's currently enrolled in college, and has good family support of her
adoption plan. She is adopted herself and has a great attitude about
adoption.

Because she needs some living expenses, I estimate that the total fees will
run around $25K.

The child is due in November and she prefers a Jacksonville, Florida family
so that the adopting parents can attend doctor's appointments, but she is
not set on that.

Please call or email me at 904 236-6776, or tracy@theadoptionauthority.com.

Thanks
Tracy



6/1/10

Our Weekend

We enjoyed our weekend very much.  Brian had to work a little, but he was able to be home most of the weekend.  We did a whole lot of nothing.  We hung out in our backyard, went to the neighborhood pool and cooked out.  Our neighbors came over to eat and play in the yard.  Tans, full bellies, laughs and lots of fun at our house.  Hope you all enjoyed your long weekend as much as we did.
 

Roller Coaster

Roller coaster Pictures, Images and Photos

We are officially on the roller coaster ride. We received a call yesterday evening notifying us we were being profiled today. This will be the third time our profile has been shown to a birth mother. Third time's the charm? Or strike three? Who knows.  When the time is right we will be chosen. The ups (being profiled) and downs (not being chosen) are the difficult part of the waiting.  Even during our third adoption we get excited knowing we are being profiled. Although this time, we understand the reality of the process.  We are profiled along with several others. We understand our odds of being chosen are less than those of a childless couple.

We become hopeful and excited while staying more grounded than we did while waiting for our first child. You do not become accustomed to the wait, although you come to expect those sudden highs and lows.