As part of National Infertility Awareness Week, I have agreed to participate in Project IF sponsored by Resolve.org. If you are interested in participating in Project IF and picking out a question to answer click here.
I have chosen to write in response to the following question:
What if I am never able to counter the thought I had to pay for my babies? What if that doesn’t make me a real mother? My "What If" is part of the category "How Infertility Impacts Your Emotional Health".
I think the question I chose to answer is one of the heaviest questions from Project IF, it is however a real what if for an adoptive mother. I have always been completely open and honest when writing about my personal experience with infertility and adoption. I can honestly tell you when we first decided to pursue adoption this question crossed my mind.
I specifically remember waking up the morning after Brian and I "had the talk" and decided we were no longer going to continue to try to get pregnant. I stood in the shower after crying most of the night thinking to myself these very thoughts. Will I be less of a mother because I didn't deliver my babies? Is is wrong that we will pay for our children? The pursuit of adoption can be confusing and you will be faced with a mix of emotions. I started this blog and began to write about my feelings and my personal mix of emotions in the hope of helping someone else.
As I began to understand adoption, I answered these questions. I do not have a birth story to share with other mothers. I did not become a mother as the majority of others did. I do not have ultrasound photos and a going into labor story, a water break moment, etc. but I am a mom. I am my boys' mother. I am as much a mother as any who birthed her babies. Parenthood encompasses so much more than just giving birth.
Money was paid for our children's adoptions but babies are expensive. All babies. Everyone incurs costs when having a baby. Many have hospital bills and costs associated with birthing and lamaze classes. Adoptive parents have adoption fees.
We are not all the same. We do not all travel the same path to parenthood. The world would be one big boring place if we did. What if I would have just birthed babies like so many others? I wouldn't be the mom I am today.
