Now, I do not jump out and volunteer our personal information but if the only response that is appropriate or can explain something is that our kids are adopted I just say it. For instance, at a birthday party last weekend another mother and I were discussing how her son's arm was injured. She proceeded to tell me it was an injury received during his delivery and the conversation continued. At some point, a question was asked of me and I responded that our kids were adopted. She paused awkwardly then said, Oh I didn't realize that.
I didn't mean to make her feel awkward. She probably never had an open discussion about adoption. I think I caught her off guard. Perhaps the next time she will think nothing of it, no awkward pause necessary.
Not everyone is open about their adoption. There are people who work hard to keep it a secret, that's too bad. Adoption should not be a secret. Adoption is not something to hide. Talk about adoption. Discuss adoption, doing so educates and makes people comfortable with it. I would love to take that awkward pause out of a conversation.
4 comments:
I completely agree!I am a birthmother and from my perspective, I don't tell everybody I meet about my daughter and her adoption because it is her and her family's story, and it is personal and sacred to me. However her parents are now the proud parents of 3 children, all adopted, and their healthy attitude of talking about it and sharing it with friends and family is what drew me to place with them in the first place. Adoption is just another way to build a family.
My FIL is adopted but he didn't find out until he was over 40! He was four when he was adopted, so the only reason it came out at all was because he started having some strange memories. It definitely rocked his world to all of a sudden know this new information.
At the age of 31 I found out I was adopted. There were many clues along the way based on looks, personalities, odd conversations, my mother’s inability to describe pregnancy, etc. My wife and I had always joked about it, but it wasn’t until we had our own daughter and did the eye color predictor that we knew something was amiss. I asked an older trusted cousin if I was adopted. She called me crying and said she’d always told my mother she’d tell me if I asked. It is two years later and I still haven’t discussed it with my parents. I’ve done as much digging as I can to find out about my bio past. As of now I know is that I was part of a private adoption in Neosho Missouri and that my grandfather paid the medical fees for my birthmother. I feel as though I need more proof to bring up the issue with my parents as I know they will deny it. I’m not sure how I would have felt knowing before and I don’t know when an appropriate age to tell me would have been. I do know I love them as my parents, but feel now that they lied to me over the years, and what a birth story they have constructed. My fate also rests with them to find out additional information and I don’t know if they are still ready to share.
Thank you for the comments and feedback, I read everything posted by readers.
Anonymous- I am sorry to hear your family handled you being adopted so secretively. I am sure they were handling it in a way they thought was best. I know several NHS classmates who are adopted, if you would like to be able to contact them and ask them questions or use them as a sounding board I would be happy to put you in touch. Just send me an email at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com if you like. If not, you may want to check out www.latediscovery.org it is a good resource for late discovery adoptees. I have other websites that may be helpful as well just ask.
Anna
Adoptive Momma of Two
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