Today, I chose to blog about the myth there are many unwanted babies available for domestic adoption. Untrue. Totally false. Couldn't be farther from the truth. Here's the facts and a little bit of information from our own experiences...
A birth parent loves and yearns to be with their baby. Most birth parent(s) wish to raise their babies and provide them with anything and everything their children could ever want and/or need. They became birth families by coming to the decision that the best life their child could live is not with them but with another family. A family they chose specifically for their child.
As adoptive parents, we realize these truths. We know our child(ren)'s birth parent(s) loved them and we saw them agonize over their decision. We watched their hearts break as we became the parents of their babies.
I have never cried so much as to watch our sons' birth families tell them goodbye and to whisper I love you while telling them they will have a better life. My heart broke into a million pieces watching our boys' birth parents leave without their babies in their arms.
I have never experienced so much guilt. I felt guilty knowing they made such an unselfish decision to allow me to be their child's parent. They gave us a gift we can never repay. They were not drug addicted, heartless, selfish people. They were kind, sweet, unselfish and mature enough to make a decision so difficult most of us cannot fathom.
The stereotype of all birth mothers are crack addicts, promiscuous, and poverty stricken is not true. The stereotype that all birth fathers are one night mishaps who are never seen again is also not true.
As adoptive parents we will have many opportunities to dispel rumors. I cannot count on all my fingers and toes how many times someone has said, "you saved your boys" or "they are so lucky to have someone to love them". Our kids are still loved by their birth parent(s). We did not save them. We were chosen for them. We were placed together because we were meant to be a family.
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7 comments:
I totally agree! I didn't "save" my girls. It was the decision of their first mothers to care for them for nine months and then make a plan for a more secure future. I am very thankful for that sacrifice.
I read the first sentence of this post and got chills. It feels so good when anyone 'gets' it, much less adoptive parents. Thank you, from the bottom of my (birthmother) heart.
I totally agree with Debbie. Thank you so much for saying that. I still have chills after reading this post. I really appreciate the love for your children's birthparents that you show by saying what you did...and feeling what you obviously feel! Thank you from another birthmom....
I totally agree with what Debbie said. It's nice that someone "gets it."
Awesome post!
Thank you. I received additional emails about this post. It makes me feel like we as adoptive parents might be doing something right by our children. I truly believe it to be true when I tell my children being adopted means they are lucky enough to have twice as many people in the world who love them with all their hearts; their biological families and their adoptive families.
WOW. Awesome post from a perspective that I rarely consider. I've seen so much heartbreak in my own family by parents NOT choosing in the best interest of their children that it's easy for me to forget that there are loving, selfless birth parents out there.
Thank you.
You have pointed out some great points. Glad you made this very relevant topic for those who are trying to find this out. Likewise thanks for sharing this. Keep it up!
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