My grandfather passed away last weekend and I just returned from a very short in time but long in distance road trip. My grandparents live in rural; I mean very rural, small town middle America. They have lived there their whole lives. They know everyone in their small town and most likely we are related in some form or another. I met or was reintroduced to people I did not remember, whom I have not seen since I was a small child. Several of the introductions included this, "Oh you're the granddaughter with the boys who are adopted." Yep, we've been branded. I'm sure my grandparents probably mentioned to one or two people we were adopting and like talk in a small town, it spread like wildfire. It doesn't bother me that people associate my family with adoption; we are actually kind of proud of it. We hope we put to rest wrong information people sometimes have about adoption.
One misconception I heard a few times this weekend during my mingling was, "Oh those boys are so lucky to have you." I always and I mean always without fail like to correct this one. I respond, "No, we're the lucky ones." We are the lucky ones because they had unselfish birth mothers. We are the lucky ones because we get to be their parents. We are the lucky ones because without adoption we never would have experienced parenthood. We are the ones who were blessed with them. We are undeserving, but we were rewarded.
I have to say I had a proud daughter moment too. I was standing next to my mom this weekend when a former classmate of hers made the above comment to us. My mom corrected her before I could, she said, "No we're the lucky ones because we got to be grandparents". Yeah Mom! She gets it too.
9/30/09
9/27/09
Adoption Picnic- Updated
Adoption Affiliates holds an annual picnic for adoptive families. We have wanted to attend for the last few years, but since the picnics are usually held in Texas, we were always unable to work out the scheduling to go. This year, they have enough local adoptive families they are having one here. We are so excited to finally be able to attend. It is an excellent opportunity to connect with other adoptive families and let the kids play with each other and become friends with adoptees just like them. We are headed there this afternoon, it is a warm Fall day and should be a lot of fun. Hopefully, I will have some pictures afterward to post and share!
Update: We had a great time at the picnic. Brice found a few buddies to play with, they got to bust open a pinata', we ate dessert, and played on the playground. It was a great afternoon. I even managed to take a few pictures.
Update: We had a great time at the picnic. Brice found a few buddies to play with, they got to bust open a pinata', we ate dessert, and played on the playground. It was a great afternoon. I even managed to take a few pictures.
Children's Museum
We have a children's museum here in Tulsa, it's not too impressive. We have been once before and it was okay and I thought it could only get better...wrong. The museum did not have a lot of exhibits/areas to begin with and most of the stations look like someone just went to a garage sale, bought some stuff, and set it up. Brice still has fun and the best parts are the playground and rock walls. I am quite certain they are going to put themselves out of business. The museum is a fantastic idea and would probably do well in the area. Unfortunately, I think they started with no funds and are trying to generate the funding through the admissions and it's not worth what you pay at the door. A membership works like a gym membership and you pay monthly dues, no way Jose'.
We went on Saturday because it was $5.00 admission and I think the boys get at least $5.00 of fun out of it.
In other news, Rogan has finally mastered his fine motor skills and is feeding himself! Yay! My life just got a little bit easier.
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We went on Saturday because it was $5.00 admission and I think the boys get at least $5.00 of fun out of it.
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Finally, Brice received a Play-Doh kit from his Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell for his birthday. He's pretty certain it could be the greatest thing since Jello Pudding Snak Paks.
9/24/09
Adoption Bug
In my quest to inspire others to purchase adoption related gifts this holiday season, I want to advertise an adoption related business each week until Christmas. This week I have chosen Adoption Bug. I love this website. The t-shirts are adorable. My favorite is the Adoption Rocks tee. These t-shirts help you to express yourself about the adoption journey. Adoption Bug is working on fundraising t-shirts for prospective adoptive families to sell to raise money for their adoption. Check out Adoption Bug!
9/23/09
Divorce Rate in Adoptive Parents
My parents celebrated their 38th anniversary yesterday and it made me think about how unusual it is that Brian and I have parents who are still married and were married several years before we were born. Brian and I feel we have a very strong marriage and we got all our "crap" out of the way when we were young. Since we began dating when we were sixteen years old, we've broken up, dated others, suffered jealousy; we got all that out of the way as teenagers. We believe that has made our marriage stronger because we know everything about each other, there are no secrets, and there is no baggage. In today's society, I do not think we are the norm. I also began to wonder about the divorce rate in adoptive parents, is it higher?
I researched divorce rate in adoptive parents a little and did not find any concrete evidence that the divorce rate is higher or lower in adoptive parents. A common thread of information and advice I did find was divorce can be harder on an adopted child, especially a child who was an older adoptee. Adopted children often feel a sense of loss because they are adopted. Their emotional needs may be greater during a divorce because they are suffering another loss. Also, older adopted children may have had attachment issues and experiencing a divorce may cause them additional issues.
I would think adoptive parents would be less likely to divorce. The reason I believe this is because most adoptive parents have already suffered through infertility and the emotional and financial struggles that come with infertility and adoption. Also, during the home study process adoptive parents are questioned about their marriage and any marriage concerns. If the social worker felt a marriage were at risk, I doubt they would approve the home study or place a child with them. Perhaps, adoption only makes our marriages stronger. Like Brian and I, you have already been through all the "crap".
I researched divorce rate in adoptive parents a little and did not find any concrete evidence that the divorce rate is higher or lower in adoptive parents. A common thread of information and advice I did find was divorce can be harder on an adopted child, especially a child who was an older adoptee. Adopted children often feel a sense of loss because they are adopted. Their emotional needs may be greater during a divorce because they are suffering another loss. Also, older adopted children may have had attachment issues and experiencing a divorce may cause them additional issues.
I would think adoptive parents would be less likely to divorce. The reason I believe this is because most adoptive parents have already suffered through infertility and the emotional and financial struggles that come with infertility and adoption. Also, during the home study process adoptive parents are questioned about their marriage and any marriage concerns. If the social worker felt a marriage were at risk, I doubt they would approve the home study or place a child with them. Perhaps, adoption only makes our marriages stronger. Like Brian and I, you have already been through all the "crap".
The day we were hitched, December 1999
What do you think? Did adoption strain your marriage?
Happy Anniversary!
Yesterday my parents celebrated their 38th anniversary. Happy Anniversary to them! Unfortunately, the last several years my dad seems to be traveling on their anniversary and it has become a joke in our family, who is mom spending your anniversary with this year? She has good friends and neighbors and she spent her day shopping with them yesterday. Not many people can say their parents are still married...Brian and I both can.
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Happy 38th Anniversary!
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9/22/09
10 Things About Me
One of my blog buds had this post today as well, but believe it or not I did not steal the idea from her. I will admit I stole the photo idea from her. It makes the list much more interesting...don't you think? I was going to start Fall (my favorite season) off with a post to help you get to know me a little better. Here are 10 things I do not believe I have shared with you before:
- I dislike feet. I think feet are gross. Long toe nails and dirty feet disgust me. I have received two pedicures in my life and although it was relaxing I sat there the entire time thinking, how does she do it? How does she massage and work on feet all day, I would be ill.
- I love Facebook. I check it a million times a day. Maybe not a million, but a lot. I read all the updated statuses and post a status for myself on a regular basis. It's fun to see old friends and familiar faces again.
- If life could be sustained on Dr. Pepper alone, I would do it. I'm a Pepper!
- I often laugh when things don't go my way. I figure it is God showing me he has a sense of humor. If I trip, I laugh outloud. When the doors were stolen off of our Jeep Wrangler, I almost fell down laughing. Our luggage was lost, flight cancelled, we were ripped off by a taxi driver, stranded in a horrible hotel room, my husband and I couldn't fall asleep because we were laughing so hard we cried. Maybe we just have a sick sense of humor?
- I have a degree in education. I've never taught a day in my life.
- I secretly wanted boys. I did not think I would be a good mother to a girl. I am not very sensitive and I was a tomboy. I feared pink dresses and ruffles.
- I've known my husband since we were 10 years old and I think he has gotten better with age.
- My husband and I compare ourselves and our lives to the Griswolds, it is not much of a stretch of the imagination. I tried my hardest last year to find him a pair of white patent leather loafers to wear on vacation. He would have worn them, with a pair of Calvin Kliens and a Lacoste shirt. It would have been hilarious.
- I hate cockroaches. We have never had them in our home and I swore we would move if we ever did. Cockroaches give me the creeps.
- I smile a lot. I was awarded Best Smile in high school. I think it's my best feature.
Photo taken from my high school year book.
Now you know a little more or maybe too much about me.
9/21/09
Birthday Time...Finally Over
It seems we have celebrated Brice's birthday the whole month of September. The poor kid whose birthday was actually September 6th did not have his party until this past weekend. His birthday fell on Labor Day weekend so we had planned to have his party the following weekend. Unfortunately, the Oklahoma monsoon season set in and we were rained out. We were supposed to get rain this past weekend too, but we decided to have his party rain or shine. Luckily the weather cooperated, Brice finally had his party, and everyone had a great time.
We rented a bounce house and it arrived way ahead of schedule and was picked up many hours after the party had ended. Needless to say, we had a bounce house in our backyard for about 10 hours. Brice was in it most of that time. He had worn himself out by the time his friends arrived playing inside with his grandparents and cousins, but got his second wind and played with his friends too. He was still in the bounce house when the crew arrived to take it down and had to be removed so they could do their job.
I think we got our monies worth.
I think we got our monies worth.
Even Rogan and Grandma got in on the bounce house fun.
We had birthday donuts instead of cake, because Brice prefers donuts. Daylight Donuts makes special donuts for the kids on their birthday. They make the donuts in the shape of the letters spelling out Happy Birthday Brice. It was really neat and they tasted great!
Health History
An obstacle adoptive parents face is learning their child's health history. Sometimes, untangling information about our own health histories is difficult and complex. Researching an adopted child's health history can be even more difficult. My advice is to ask questions, a lot of questions.
Our agency provided us with a lengthy health questionnaire completed by the birth parents of our children. Oftentimes, the health history form is completed by the birth mother and information from the birth father is lacking. We have experienced both sides of the spectrum. In one of our adoptions, the birth parents were together and both provided information to the best of their ability. In our other adoption, the birth father was not present or available and did not complete any information. After reviewing the questionnaire you may have questions and/or concerns. Ask your agency or adoption social worker, they may be able to find answers for you from the birth family. If not, at least you attempted to gather as much information as possible.
Also, after our boys were born, their hospital records were turned over to the adoption agency. The agency then provided us with complete copies of their medical charts. If you are working with an agency ask them about providing you with copies of all medical records obtained during the child's birth and after delivery. Sometimes, birth mothers will provide additional information to the hospital that was either not requested by the agency or overlooked at the time.
I have provided our pediatrician with all the information we have on our children and he has reviewed it thoroughly and we have discussed it together. Sometimes something will happen and you still will not have an answer. For instance, one of our sons suffered two febrile seizures. Febrile seizures are often hereditary but nothing was noted in his medical history we received from both of his birth parents. It is possible it was an oversight on their part or it is possible no one they knew of within their family suffered seizures. Fortunately, the risks for febrile seizures lessen as kids grow older and most will out grow them. We believe this has happened with our son because he has never suffered another...knock on wood, fingers crossed and prayer said.
If you are working with an agency, I would advise you to request any and all health information they can obtain about your child's birth family. Also, provide your pediatrician with any information you obtain and ask them to review it and discuss it with you. We will never know everything about their biological family's history of health, but we want to know as much as we can.
If you have a topic you want to discuss, know more about, or a question you would like for me to address on my blog, please send me an email at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com.
Anna
Our agency provided us with a lengthy health questionnaire completed by the birth parents of our children. Oftentimes, the health history form is completed by the birth mother and information from the birth father is lacking. We have experienced both sides of the spectrum. In one of our adoptions, the birth parents were together and both provided information to the best of their ability. In our other adoption, the birth father was not present or available and did not complete any information. After reviewing the questionnaire you may have questions and/or concerns. Ask your agency or adoption social worker, they may be able to find answers for you from the birth family. If not, at least you attempted to gather as much information as possible.
Also, after our boys were born, their hospital records were turned over to the adoption agency. The agency then provided us with complete copies of their medical charts. If you are working with an agency ask them about providing you with copies of all medical records obtained during the child's birth and after delivery. Sometimes, birth mothers will provide additional information to the hospital that was either not requested by the agency or overlooked at the time.
I have provided our pediatrician with all the information we have on our children and he has reviewed it thoroughly and we have discussed it together. Sometimes something will happen and you still will not have an answer. For instance, one of our sons suffered two febrile seizures. Febrile seizures are often hereditary but nothing was noted in his medical history we received from both of his birth parents. It is possible it was an oversight on their part or it is possible no one they knew of within their family suffered seizures. Fortunately, the risks for febrile seizures lessen as kids grow older and most will out grow them. We believe this has happened with our son because he has never suffered another...knock on wood, fingers crossed and prayer said.
If you are working with an agency, I would advise you to request any and all health information they can obtain about your child's birth family. Also, provide your pediatrician with any information you obtain and ask them to review it and discuss it with you. We will never know everything about their biological family's history of health, but we want to know as much as we can.
If you have a topic you want to discuss, know more about, or a question you would like for me to address on my blog, please send me an email at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com.
Anna
9/16/09
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