In our situation, I was the infertile one. Finding out you are the problem is hard to accept. It was hard for me to deal with the fact my husband, as long as he were with me, would not have biological children. Since he informed me he didn't plan on going anywhere, that meant he would never have biological children. Knowing that made me feel really guilty. I felt horrible. I felt like I had failed. I felt bad for our parents, they may not become grandparents and that was my fault too. Brian and I are only children so our kids were their one and only opportunity to grandparent.
Brian being the great guy he is (hope he doesn't read this it will go straight to his head) never flinched. He never had any anger at me, God, or anyone else about our inability to have children. After we suffered our fifth miscarriage, without even blinking he said, "Okay, so we'll adopt." Of course he was upset about the miscarriages, we both were, but he just went on to Plan B. I'm so thankful for his attitude and strength during that time. Since he was so sure, I accepted it too. Adoption was our fate.
We had mentioned adoption a couple of times during our failed pregnancies, but nothing too seriously. I think we believed in the back of our minds we would have biological kids. After the final miscarriage, I couldn't do it anymore. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I was spent. Brian is the one who brought adoption up again and this time we had a serious discussion about it. How will we afford it? Where do we start? Can we adopt in the US? We started asking questions and started searching for answers.
We had a new plan and I didn't have time to feel guilty anymore. It was time to get over it, I was going to find a new way to become a mom! We told our families and they were completely supportive of our adoption plan. Once the process was underway, my guilt faded. I came to understand God had other plans for us. Now, I look back and I am actually thankful we could not have biological children. We would not have ended up with our two boys and we could not have created better kids.
Everything happens for a reason, I believe that.
"However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle"
~Valerie Harper, adoptive parent
Brian being the great guy he is (hope he doesn't read this it will go straight to his head) never flinched. He never had any anger at me, God, or anyone else about our inability to have children. After we suffered our fifth miscarriage, without even blinking he said, "Okay, so we'll adopt." Of course he was upset about the miscarriages, we both were, but he just went on to Plan B. I'm so thankful for his attitude and strength during that time. Since he was so sure, I accepted it too. Adoption was our fate.
We had mentioned adoption a couple of times during our failed pregnancies, but nothing too seriously. I think we believed in the back of our minds we would have biological kids. After the final miscarriage, I couldn't do it anymore. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I was spent. Brian is the one who brought adoption up again and this time we had a serious discussion about it. How will we afford it? Where do we start? Can we adopt in the US? We started asking questions and started searching for answers.
We had a new plan and I didn't have time to feel guilty anymore. It was time to get over it, I was going to find a new way to become a mom! We told our families and they were completely supportive of our adoption plan. Once the process was underway, my guilt faded. I came to understand God had other plans for us. Now, I look back and I am actually thankful we could not have biological children. We would not have ended up with our two boys and we could not have created better kids.
Everything happens for a reason, I believe that.
"However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle"
~Valerie Harper, adoptive parent
2 comments:
Oh, I so get this. My husband always said he'd be fine living a childless, adults-only life, but sometimes I wonder if he said that just to make me feel better! I agree, we've all ended up where we were supposed to be.
You have GOT to remind me to pick up a husband somewhere. They just sound wonderful! :)
I am so glad you had him by your side supporting you and guiding you to adoption when the time was right. Afterall, you got your two beautiful little guys because of it!
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