It's either been 100+ degrees outside or storming the last couple of days. Since the weather has not been the best, we've made our own fun indoors. I blew up the boys' bounce house and they took over the living room. It's so much fun to watch them lately, Rogan is now old enough to be inside the bounce house with Brice. He sits and plays with the balls while Brice bounces around and makes Rogan and the balls bounce up and down. Rogan squeals and laughs. He really loves playing with his big brother. Unfortunately, it's difficult for me to take pictures of them in the bounce house.
8/11/09
Indoor Fun
It's either been 100+ degrees outside or storming the last couple of days. Since the weather has not been the best, we've made our own fun indoors. I blew up the boys' bounce house and they took over the living room. It's so much fun to watch them lately, Rogan is now old enough to be inside the bounce house with Brice. He sits and plays with the balls while Brice bounces around and makes Rogan and the balls bounce up and down. Rogan squeals and laughs. He really loves playing with his big brother. Unfortunately, it's difficult for me to take pictures of them in the bounce house.
8/10/09
Not Being Pregnant
When you are not pregnant, it seems everyone else is. When you cannot have children, it seems everyone else can. When trying not to think about not being pregnant, you see pregnant ladies everywhere. At least that was how it was for me.
During our waiting period, I remember being invited to baby showers, finding out family members were expecting, my friends were having babies. I was jealous. Life didn't seem fair. How come everyone else could have babies?
The only answer I could come up with was this one...I was going to be a mother I just had to be patient and wait my turn. Not everyone has babies the old fashioned way, some of us take a different path to motherhood. A baby out there somewhere, needed me. This sort of became my mantra.
I was going to be a mom. The pregnant lady I saw in the store, could have been a birth mother. Maybe she was jealous of me? I was going to be given the opportunity to raise a child, to be a mom.
Attend your friend's baby shower and pay attention to what all she gets you may need it too. Go to the baby superstore and complete a registry after your baby arrives. We did. When you fill out the paperwork for your registry in the section "due date", write in their birth date. We even had post baby, baby showers. Our kids attended their own showers. There are no rules that say you have to be pregnant to have a baby registry or a baby shower.
You can do some of the things other expectant mothers get to do, it may just be on a little different timeline. When you are feeling jealous, remember a baby has been created just for you and they need you. Be thankful you missed out on the morning sickness, stretch marks, and labor pains...you're still going to be a mom.
During our waiting period, I remember being invited to baby showers, finding out family members were expecting, my friends were having babies. I was jealous. Life didn't seem fair. How come everyone else could have babies?
The only answer I could come up with was this one...I was going to be a mother I just had to be patient and wait my turn. Not everyone has babies the old fashioned way, some of us take a different path to motherhood. A baby out there somewhere, needed me. This sort of became my mantra.
I was going to be a mom. The pregnant lady I saw in the store, could have been a birth mother. Maybe she was jealous of me? I was going to be given the opportunity to raise a child, to be a mom.
Attend your friend's baby shower and pay attention to what all she gets you may need it too. Go to the baby superstore and complete a registry after your baby arrives. We did. When you fill out the paperwork for your registry in the section "due date", write in their birth date. We even had post baby, baby showers. Our kids attended their own showers. There are no rules that say you have to be pregnant to have a baby registry or a baby shower.
You can do some of the things other expectant mothers get to do, it may just be on a little different timeline. When you are feeling jealous, remember a baby has been created just for you and they need you. Be thankful you missed out on the morning sickness, stretch marks, and labor pains...you're still going to be a mom.
8/6/09
The Pool
The boys and I took advantage of our neighborhood pool yesterday. It was a lot of fun and since we went around 10 a.m., nobody was really there. The first picture happens to be my favorite of Rogan relaxing poolside. The boys both love the water and are very comfortable in it. Rogan floats around on his back kicking, splashing and laughing to himself. Brice must wear his life jacket when it's just me because he's got a little too much Evil Knievel in him.
8/5/09
Insert Foot Into Mouth
People have a lot of nerve. They will ask anything. Be prepared for it. After a while, not a lot will surprise you.
Our boys are biracial. They are Hispanic and Caucasian. Our oldest son is light haired and fair complected. Oddly enough, he looks a lot like my husband. The only comment he drew as an infant was, "that's a big boy". He had a pretty big appetite and was very chunky. He actually resembled the Michelin Man a little. As soon as he became mobile all that baby fat melted right off. Now he's a streamlined three year old built for speed!
Our youngest son is dark complected. His little legs get really dark in the summer time. We think his olive skin is gorgeous and never gave it a second thought. He also has dark brown hair, dark eyes, and resembles his Hispanic origins more than his older brother. So, I guess some people notice he is a little more pigmented than the rest of us. What's the big deal?
We had one comment about him specifically that caught us off guard. We had a Hispanic woman say to us, "Wow, he's brown." We didn't really know what to say to that one, so we just responded with "he sure is." Usually, people will say things to me at the grocery store. Most of the time it's women. The usual comment goes something like this, "Oh, he's so cute. Is his daddy dark complected?" I usually just say "nope" and walk away to let them wonder. Our general rule in response is to agree with whatever the person has said, unless they were to say something offensive or hurtful. A common response for us regarding his complexion is "Yes, we're all jealous of his olive skin".
People often speak before thinking. At one of the adoption seminars we attended a Caucasian couple had adopted an African American boy and they were in process of adopting again. Their son had said to them, "Can we have another brown baby just like me?" I thought that was really funny. The couple stated they couldn't go anywhere without people commenting. Most of the time they said it was a stupid question like, "Are they adopted?" Duh people. Really?
The most hurtful comment we ever received was made to my husband. We were at a get together in our neighborhood and everyone was congratulating us and discussing how we had adopted again the month before. An acquaintance said to Brian, "I could never adopt." He then proceeded to stumble over his next few words, back peddling, trying to dig himself out of the hole he had created. My husband let him off the hook by walking away. I guess we took that one a little personal. We discussed it after we left the get together and we were both angered by it. After a little more thought and discussion we decided it was okay. It wasn't okay that he said it to Brian, in fact is was quite rude. It was okay he felt that way. Not everyone should adopt and he was apparently one of the people who shouldn't. God gave him that belief for a reason, maybe it was so there would be more babies available for us! I do not know. It did however make me feel a little better to think he later thought to himself, insert foot into mouth.
My advice to anyone adopting a biracial child or a child of a different race than yourself would be to have a standard response at the ready. You do not want to be hateful. You want the person to walk way thinking to themselves, why did I just ask them that? Maybe they won't do it again.
Our boys are biracial. They are Hispanic and Caucasian. Our oldest son is light haired and fair complected. Oddly enough, he looks a lot like my husband. The only comment he drew as an infant was, "that's a big boy". He had a pretty big appetite and was very chunky. He actually resembled the Michelin Man a little. As soon as he became mobile all that baby fat melted right off. Now he's a streamlined three year old built for speed!
Our youngest son is dark complected. His little legs get really dark in the summer time. We think his olive skin is gorgeous and never gave it a second thought. He also has dark brown hair, dark eyes, and resembles his Hispanic origins more than his older brother. So, I guess some people notice he is a little more pigmented than the rest of us. What's the big deal?
We had one comment about him specifically that caught us off guard. We had a Hispanic woman say to us, "Wow, he's brown." We didn't really know what to say to that one, so we just responded with "he sure is." Usually, people will say things to me at the grocery store. Most of the time it's women. The usual comment goes something like this, "Oh, he's so cute. Is his daddy dark complected?" I usually just say "nope" and walk away to let them wonder. Our general rule in response is to agree with whatever the person has said, unless they were to say something offensive or hurtful. A common response for us regarding his complexion is "Yes, we're all jealous of his olive skin".
People often speak before thinking. At one of the adoption seminars we attended a Caucasian couple had adopted an African American boy and they were in process of adopting again. Their son had said to them, "Can we have another brown baby just like me?" I thought that was really funny. The couple stated they couldn't go anywhere without people commenting. Most of the time they said it was a stupid question like, "Are they adopted?" Duh people. Really?
The most hurtful comment we ever received was made to my husband. We were at a get together in our neighborhood and everyone was congratulating us and discussing how we had adopted again the month before. An acquaintance said to Brian, "I could never adopt." He then proceeded to stumble over his next few words, back peddling, trying to dig himself out of the hole he had created. My husband let him off the hook by walking away. I guess we took that one a little personal. We discussed it after we left the get together and we were both angered by it. After a little more thought and discussion we decided it was okay. It wasn't okay that he said it to Brian, in fact is was quite rude. It was okay he felt that way. Not everyone should adopt and he was apparently one of the people who shouldn't. God gave him that belief for a reason, maybe it was so there would be more babies available for us! I do not know. It did however make me feel a little better to think he later thought to himself, insert foot into mouth.
My advice to anyone adopting a biracial child or a child of a different race than yourself would be to have a standard response at the ready. You do not want to be hateful. You want the person to walk way thinking to themselves, why did I just ask them that? Maybe they won't do it again.
8/4/09
How Will You Tell Them?
Brian and I get this question a lot. How will you tell the boys they're adopted? Well, our answer is usually pretty simple. We already do. Our kids are 3 years old and 1 year. Too young to have the situation explained to them. Our oldest will be 4 years old in September, but he still doesn't understand what adopted means. Basically, we talk about it. If someone asks, we tell them the truth. "Yep, they're adopted." If someone asks for more details about adoption, our experiences, or is just curious, we do our best to educate them. It's normal discussion in our house.
If we don't make a big deal about it, why would they? That's kind of our motto. Also, being honest. If the boys ask questions, we'll give them answers. The last time I wrote a letter and sent pictures to the agency for our oldest's birth parents. I asked him to draw them a picture. He did. It was no big deal. As he was drawing and coloring, I said to him. "We're going to mail this to the adoption agency so your birth mother can hang it on her fridge, just like we do."
That's it...no major Dr. Phil moments here. I do not know if what we're doing is the right approach. I do know I have seen what happens when parents are not open. I had friends who were adopted and had no idea until adulthood. As a kid I knew they were adopted, but they did not. I always thought it was wrong of their parents to keep such a secret.
Adoption is a celebration. We celebrated on the days we finalized with the courts and our boys were officially ours. We celebrate the fact we were hand picked for our boys. We celebrate the fact our kids' birth families were so unselfish. We think it's all pretty great.
In this day and age, families are formed in many different ways. I think the idea of a "traditional family" has gone out the window. We're just another example of a way a family can come together. I think our boys will grow up hearing that and hopefully will understand it. They're special, so special in fact, their parents were hand selected. Pretty cool for us.
If we don't make a big deal about it, why would they? That's kind of our motto. Also, being honest. If the boys ask questions, we'll give them answers. The last time I wrote a letter and sent pictures to the agency for our oldest's birth parents. I asked him to draw them a picture. He did. It was no big deal. As he was drawing and coloring, I said to him. "We're going to mail this to the adoption agency so your birth mother can hang it on her fridge, just like we do."
That's it...no major Dr. Phil moments here. I do not know if what we're doing is the right approach. I do know I have seen what happens when parents are not open. I had friends who were adopted and had no idea until adulthood. As a kid I knew they were adopted, but they did not. I always thought it was wrong of their parents to keep such a secret.
Adoption is a celebration. We celebrated on the days we finalized with the courts and our boys were officially ours. We celebrate the fact we were hand picked for our boys. We celebrate the fact our kids' birth families were so unselfish. We think it's all pretty great.
In this day and age, families are formed in many different ways. I think the idea of a "traditional family" has gone out the window. We're just another example of a way a family can come together. I think our boys will grow up hearing that and hopefully will understand it. They're special, so special in fact, their parents were hand selected. Pretty cool for us.
8/3/09
Domestic Adoption
When we started the adoption process we heard the same rumors every person who is seeking to adopt has...
You'll have to wait years to adopt a baby born in the U.S.
You'll never be able to get a newborn
You'll have to adopt through the Division of Family Services
You should be a foster parent, it will increase your chances to adopt
You probably won't get a healthy baby, more than likely they'll have health problems
You'll have to have an open adoption and maintain a relationship with the birth parent(s)
People will come at you from every which way with all kinds of knowledge and opinions about adoption. Most of these people have never adopted, keep that in mind.
We have adopted domestically, twice in fact. I do not know statistics and I have no numbers for you but I do know this:
We have adopted domestically, twice in fact. I do not know statistics and I have no numbers for you but I do know this:
We adopted twice within in 3 years using the same agency. We waited 5 months for our first son and 10 months for our second.
We took both of our boys home from the hospital. This is somewhat unusual, but it just so happened our paperwork went through without a hitch both times.
We used an agency, Adoption Affiliates. If you live in Oklahoma or Texas I would recommend them in an instant. Obviously, we think highly of them because we chose to use them both times.
We considered fostering a child, but after speaking with family services we decided it was not for us.
Both of our boys were born completely healthy and drug free. Our youngest was a little bit early and had to stay in the NICU for a while, but we were there with him the entire time. During his first year, he has never been to the doctor except for well baby check ups.
We met the birth parents once. We could have chosen an open adoption but we opted for semi-open. We met the birth parents before the babies were born. All correspondence after placement is through the agency. If and when our boys choose to find their birth parents, the agency will assist in locating them. We will support our boys' decisions. It's their story and their choice.
The only knowledge I have about domestic adoption is what we have personally experienced. Domestic adoption is possible, it does not always take years, you can get a healthy newborn baby, and you do not have to have an open adoption if you choose not to.
"A birthmother puts the needs of her child before the wants of her heart"
~Skye Hardwick, founder of Life Mothers
"A birthmother puts the needs of her child before the wants of her heart"
~Skye Hardwick, founder of Life Mothers
Sharks
All fish are known as shawrks (said with a heavy Italian accent) to Brice. We wondered why our son sounds like an Italian mob boss when he says the word shark, then it dawned on us...Shark Tale.
So, since Brice loves to see the sharks and we just went to the aquarium a couple of weeks ago, we took a trip to PetSmart today. Brice was as excited about PetSmart as he is the aquarium. He walked down the isle, rounded the corner and saw the wall of fish tanks. He looked at me and said, "Oh wow Boss, look at this!" Yes, he still calls me Boss. See 3/29/09 post for explanation on this one.
We spent almost an hour in the store, looking at the fish, hamsters, birds, snakes, turtles and a chinchilla. It was as good as a trip to the zoo for Brice. As we walked the isles of the store, he insisted we get Maggie a present. He picked out a squeaker toy for her right away. After carrying the toy around until we were ready to leave, he changed his mind. He decided on a red leather collar with a blinging bone on it. The little bone hangs off the buckle and has rhinestones on it. When we got home we put it on her right away. She's been wagging her tail ever since.
Maggie modeling her new bling.
If you haven't seen the movie:
The gangster shark boss Lino voiced by Robert Dinero, is a Great White Shark and master of the reef. Lino has two sons, Frankie and Lenny. Lenny is voiced by Jack Black and is a Great White Vegetarian Shark. Oscar, voiced by Will Smith, is a fast talking fish on the reef who takes credit for killing Lino's son Frankie. Lenny and Oscar become friends and attempt to get themselves out of trouble. I think the movie came out in 2005, we've seen it a hundred times and apparently Brice has used it as phonics lesson.
So, since Brice loves to see the sharks and we just went to the aquarium a couple of weeks ago, we took a trip to PetSmart today. Brice was as excited about PetSmart as he is the aquarium. He walked down the isle, rounded the corner and saw the wall of fish tanks. He looked at me and said, "Oh wow Boss, look at this!" Yes, he still calls me Boss. See 3/29/09 post for explanation on this one.
We spent almost an hour in the store, looking at the fish, hamsters, birds, snakes, turtles and a chinchilla. It was as good as a trip to the zoo for Brice. As we walked the isles of the store, he insisted we get Maggie a present. He picked out a squeaker toy for her right away. After carrying the toy around until we were ready to leave, he changed his mind. He decided on a red leather collar with a blinging bone on it. The little bone hangs off the buckle and has rhinestones on it. When we got home we put it on her right away. She's been wagging her tail ever since.
Maggie modeling her new bling.
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