How Will You Tell Them?

Brian and I get this question a lot. How will you tell the boys they're adopted? Well, our answer is usually pretty simple. We already do. Our kids are 3 years old and 1 year. Too young to have the situation explained to them. Our oldest will be 4 years old in September, but he still doesn't understand what adopted means. Basically, we talk about it. If someone asks, we tell them the truth. "Yep, they're adopted." If someone asks for more details about adoption, our experiences, or is just curious, we do our best to educate them. It's normal discussion in our house.

If we don't make a big deal about it, why would they? That's kind of our motto. Also, being honest. If the boys ask questions, we'll give them answers. The last time I wrote a letter and sent pictures to the agency for our oldest's birth parents. I asked him to draw them a picture. He did. It was no big deal. As he was drawing and coloring, I said to him. "We're going to mail this to the adoption agency so your birth mother can hang it on her fridge, just like we do."

That's it...no major Dr. Phil moments here. I do not know if what we're doing is the right approach. I do know I have seen what happens when parents are not open. I had friends who were adopted and had no idea until adulthood. As a kid I knew they were adopted, but they did not. I always thought it was wrong of their parents to keep such a secret.

Adoption is a celebration. We celebrated on the days we finalized with the courts and our boys were officially ours. We celebrate the fact we were hand picked for our boys. We celebrate the fact our kids' birth families were so unselfish. We think it's all pretty great.

In this day and age, families are formed in many different ways. I think the idea of a "traditional family" has gone out the window. We're just another example of a way a family can come together. I think our boys will grow up hearing that and hopefully will understand it. They're special, so special in fact, their parents were hand selected. Pretty cool for us.