Perfect Match

When adopting we can become desperate.  It's easy to do.  Many of us have waited years for a child and have suffered loss after loss.  When a potential situation comes to us our initial reaction may be, YES!  I mean beggars cannot be choosers right?

During our adoption journeys we have been presented with situations and we have said no. Sometimes people look at us and say, "are you crazy?"  "but this could be your only chance!".  Yet we still decided to say no.  Our first no occurred only a month or so after we first applied to adopt, months before Brice was born.  We received a call from our agency stating triplets were needing a forever family, were we interested? Brian answered that phone call and I believe his exact words were, "uh I'm gonna have to talk to my wife."

We said no.  How could we be so picky?  We would be getting an instant family.  Our adoption expenses would have been the same for three as they would have been for one.  A bargain, I always love a bargain but three kids...that's a big deal.  We were hours away from our nearest family members.  We live in a three bedroom home.  We would need a lot of help, who was going to help?  We couldn't afford a nanny or nannies.  Three times the diapers, clothes, strollers, car seats, etc.  Nope not for us.

The second time we said no was very recent.  While in the middle of waiting for a baby to be born in August, who would eventually result in a failed placement for us we were presented with the opportunity to immediately adopt a 14 month old little girl.  Her mother was looking to immediately place and then move cross country.  We thought, prayed, talked and eventually said no.

We had already committed ourselves to another birth mother.  She had chosen us and only us to parent her daughter to be born in August and we did not feel walking away from her was the right thing to do.  Also, welcoming a 14 month old to our family is very different then welcoming a newborn.  We have a 2 year old who may take exception to having a little sister so close to him in age.

Well, as you know the baby born in August did not become ours and we now sit here waiting indefinitely for our baby to come home.  I still believe we made the right decision.  The right decision for us.

Every family dynamic is different and each situation needs to be evaluated thoroughly.  As adoptive parents, we want to be the best parents we can be.  Not every child that could potentially be ours, should be ours.  We may not be the best parents for them.  They may not be the best fit for our family.  Having other children already in our home, we must always evaluate how they will be affected as well.

It is okay to say no.  We did.  Saying no does not make us bad people.  Other prospective parents like us are waiting for their opportunity to parent as well.  The children we say no to may be their perfect match.  We have heard about and have seen photos of the beautiful blond headed triplet girls who were adopted by a wonderful couple.  My husband Brian was the attorney who terminated the rights of the 14 month old's birth mother.  He said the little girl went to family with three boys and was a perfect fit for her forever family.  It all worked out.

We may still be waiting, but our perfect match has not come to us yet.