I have wanted to say to that person "why don't you quit having biological children then and start adopting?". You know, because it's so easy and there are children to be saved.
As adoptive parents, we are not out to save the world's children. We are becoming parents to a child who was provided an opportunity better than the one their birth family could provide. I am not speaking of third world orphans. I cannot speak to adopting a child from such a predicament. I can only speak for adopting domestically via an agency because that is all I have experienced.
My children were not destined for a life of malnourishment, malaria, and neglect. They would have been loved and cared for by their birth mothers but they would not been afforded the life and opportunities we are able to provide. Their birth mothers would not have been able to accomplish the goals they had for an education and a better life for themselves had they parented. The birth mothers made a choice for their children, an unselfish choice in their child's best interest. Lucky me. I became a parent because of their decision.
I will never tell someone you should just adopt. Adoption is not right for everyone, for many reasons. We chose not to pursue fertility treatments, IVF, or surrogacy. Those options were not the right ones for us. We had our own personal reasons for not choosing them. I believe seeking out your path to parenthood is a very personal choice and subject to each persons own issues and beliefs.
When I hear someone say "you should just adopt." It makes me think of someone telling you "you should be a Baptist." It is a personal choice, for personal reasons. No one can tell you what is right for you.
Now, if you have decided adoption is your way to parenthood. Good luck. What can I do to help?
4 comments:
Just a random comment: When we went through a failed IVF treatment my husbands Dr said, "Well, you can always adopt." Like it was no big deal. I wanted to punch him in the throat. =0)
Popping over from waitingtoadopt
In life, but especially where infertility and adoption are concerned, I avoid the words "just" or "always" as I find them both offensive (and, my mother taught me not to use "always" or "never" so I rarely do :))
The worst conversation of my life, I was told "you'll understand when you decide to have kids" to which I replied I had lost two and was infertile -because experience has shown me if I just say I've lost two, I get met with "well you can always try again", anyway after stating my infertility, I was then told "you can always adopt" to which they go off relaying to me what adoptions are really like in their world.
We were beginning to look into adoption again (we had explored it before in the past but I guess the timing wasn't right) when I found out I was pregnant again. Nathaniel has survived, and after everything we went through, when it comes time for him to have a sibling, I definitely want to adopt! I may be tracking you down for advice in a couple of years. ;)
As a birthmother, it is awesome to hear an adoptive mom say that she knows her kids would have been loved and cared for if raised by birthmom.
THANK YOU!
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