I'll be completely honest with you, adoption is costly. From our experience, approximately $25,000 a piece. This amount includes travel expenses, court costs, adoption fees, and all other costs incurred. When Brian and I first heard this number, we thought that was the end of the road for us, we would have to wait to adopt until we were older and had more money. We asked the adoption agency, how do people afford it?
Many people cash in retirement funds, take second mortgages, apply for personal loans, or borrow the money from family. Fortunately, for us we are blessed with wonderful family who was willing to loan us the money at no interest. If not for them, we would not have been able to adopt when we did. We would probably still be waiting to adopt. The good news is, most of the costs you incur are tax deductible. Be sure to save all your receipts including meals, hotels, rental cars, airline tickets, etc.
There are also funds, grants and special loans that adoptive parents can apply for, if they qualify.
Here are a list of websites with helpful information regarding adoption funding:
Parenthoodforme.org
National Adoption Foundation
God's Grace Adoption Ministry
Adoption.com
TheAdoptionGuide.com
BabyCenter.com
7/19/09
7/15/09
Creating Your Portfolio
Your adoption agency will probably ask you to create a portfolio. The portfolio is used by the agency to introduce you to birth mothers. Your portfolio is basically a condensed scrapbook of your life. If possible, ask your agency to let you review portfolios of past adoptive parents so you can get ideas for content, design, etc. I am not a creative person, I needed to see what others had to done to get an idea of where to start.
We kept our portfolios fairly simple and took them to our local printing shop to have them copied and bound. Your agency will tell you how many copies you will need. I always made an extra for our child's adoption box. (I'll explain the adoption box in a later post)
We created a new portfolio for both of our adoptions, of course the second portfolio had to include our oldest son. It was suggested by our agency to include our oldest son in the portfolio, but maybe not on the cover. At first, we didn't know what to think about that suggestion. Our initial thought was he's the most important person in our life, we want the birth mother to know their child will have an older sibling, he had to be front and center.
After more thought and consideration, we decided the agency was probably correct and he absolutely should be included but in the sequence of events. If a birth mother saw a portfolio with a child already the center of attention right on the front page, they may not think their child could fit into our family. If we took the time to introduce our son and how he came into our lives, a birth mother would get a better impression of how their child would fit into our family.
Our portfolios started with a picture of Brian and I on the front. Use current photos. You want the person in the portfolio to be the person a birth mother meets, if you are chosen. Also keep it simple. Simple colors, not a lot of design or anything that could be distracting. Also, keep it short. You do not want the birth mother to grow tired of you before she even has a chance to meet you. Our portfolios were no more than 20 pages, some pages were just pictures with scrapbooking stickers as decoration.
Inside, the portfolio was a chronological scrapbook of us. Brian and I met in grade school so the first page included a short narrative about how long we've known each other, when we started dating and when we got married. I included a photo of us together at our high school prom and then a wedding photo. I think by including both photos I was showing longevity in our relationship. The narrative was short and to the point, about a paragraph.
Next, were pictures of us participating in activities we enjoy together with a short narrative of what we like to do and why. Our dogs had a page. We love dogs and they are a part of our family, so they were included. A grandparents page, with pictures of our parents and a short paragraph written by them and addressed to the birth mother. In our second portfolio, this is where our oldest son came in. We had a few pages with pictures of us with him as a baby, pictures of us on vacation, all of us at the zoo, the aquarium, the park, etc.
Include photos of your home, this gives the birth mother an idea of where the child will grow up. I included photos from our neighborhood that showed what a great family oriented neighborhood we have with walking paths, fishing ponds, swimming pools and a playground. Include a photo of the decorated nursery. It gives the birth mother a visual for where their child will be cared for and sleep at night.
Brian and I each wrote a letter to the birth mother explaining our feelings and thoughts about each other, our children, our families, the adoption process and about her. We thanked her for taking the time to look at our portfolio and giving us her consideration.
Finally, I ended our portfolios with a page and photos of our family. Brian and I are only children so I included pictures of cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone we are close to. I wanted to show even though we are only children our children will be surrounded by loved ones.
You never know what a birth mother is going to pick out to latch onto in your portfolio. In our first adoption, it was the dogs. The birth mother loved dogs and wanted her child to grow up with a pet. Our second adoption, the birth mother liked the grandparents' letters. She liked all the family we had around us. She liked the longevity of relationships in our family. Our parents have been married for over 35 years and Brian and I have been together since we were teenagers. She liked the stability.
I think the social worker at our agency put it well when she told us, birth mothers will look at your portfolio and try to picture their lives turning out like yours. It puts a lot of pressure on your portfolio, but I think it is the most important task you will complete during the adoption process. You will not get to meet a birth mother unless she likes your portfolio. It's your resume and your first impression.
My next post, will be about financing an adoption. It is an expensive process, but you can make it work.
We kept our portfolios fairly simple and took them to our local printing shop to have them copied and bound. Your agency will tell you how many copies you will need. I always made an extra for our child's adoption box. (I'll explain the adoption box in a later post)
We created a new portfolio for both of our adoptions, of course the second portfolio had to include our oldest son. It was suggested by our agency to include our oldest son in the portfolio, but maybe not on the cover. At first, we didn't know what to think about that suggestion. Our initial thought was he's the most important person in our life, we want the birth mother to know their child will have an older sibling, he had to be front and center.
After more thought and consideration, we decided the agency was probably correct and he absolutely should be included but in the sequence of events. If a birth mother saw a portfolio with a child already the center of attention right on the front page, they may not think their child could fit into our family. If we took the time to introduce our son and how he came into our lives, a birth mother would get a better impression of how their child would fit into our family.
Our portfolios started with a picture of Brian and I on the front. Use current photos. You want the person in the portfolio to be the person a birth mother meets, if you are chosen. Also keep it simple. Simple colors, not a lot of design or anything that could be distracting. Also, keep it short. You do not want the birth mother to grow tired of you before she even has a chance to meet you. Our portfolios were no more than 20 pages, some pages were just pictures with scrapbooking stickers as decoration.
Inside, the portfolio was a chronological scrapbook of us. Brian and I met in grade school so the first page included a short narrative about how long we've known each other, when we started dating and when we got married. I included a photo of us together at our high school prom and then a wedding photo. I think by including both photos I was showing longevity in our relationship. The narrative was short and to the point, about a paragraph.
Next, were pictures of us participating in activities we enjoy together with a short narrative of what we like to do and why. Our dogs had a page. We love dogs and they are a part of our family, so they were included. A grandparents page, with pictures of our parents and a short paragraph written by them and addressed to the birth mother. In our second portfolio, this is where our oldest son came in. We had a few pages with pictures of us with him as a baby, pictures of us on vacation, all of us at the zoo, the aquarium, the park, etc.
Include photos of your home, this gives the birth mother an idea of where the child will grow up. I included photos from our neighborhood that showed what a great family oriented neighborhood we have with walking paths, fishing ponds, swimming pools and a playground. Include a photo of the decorated nursery. It gives the birth mother a visual for where their child will be cared for and sleep at night.
Brian and I each wrote a letter to the birth mother explaining our feelings and thoughts about each other, our children, our families, the adoption process and about her. We thanked her for taking the time to look at our portfolio and giving us her consideration.
Finally, I ended our portfolios with a page and photos of our family. Brian and I are only children so I included pictures of cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone we are close to. I wanted to show even though we are only children our children will be surrounded by loved ones.
You never know what a birth mother is going to pick out to latch onto in your portfolio. In our first adoption, it was the dogs. The birth mother loved dogs and wanted her child to grow up with a pet. Our second adoption, the birth mother liked the grandparents' letters. She liked all the family we had around us. She liked the longevity of relationships in our family. Our parents have been married for over 35 years and Brian and I have been together since we were teenagers. She liked the stability.
I think the social worker at our agency put it well when she told us, birth mothers will look at your portfolio and try to picture their lives turning out like yours. It puts a lot of pressure on your portfolio, but I think it is the most important task you will complete during the adoption process. You will not get to meet a birth mother unless she likes your portfolio. It's your resume and your first impression.
My next post, will be about financing an adoption. It is an expensive process, but you can make it work.
7/14/09
Where to Start
When we started the adoption process Brian and I didn't know where to begin, we didn't even know if adopting a newborn within the United States was possible. We started by contacting an attorney that Brian had worked for during college. He had done some adoption placements and we thought he might be able to help. He told us the first step was to have a home study. Okay, what's a home study we thought.
A home study is not as scary as it may sound. A social worker will come to your home and visit with you. It's not a white glove inspection where he/she walks around and checks your shelves for dust and dirt. They don't dig through your cabinets and drawers looking for anything suspicious. In our experience, the social worker will come into your home, sit down with you and ask you questions about your decision to adopt. You'll be asked to fill out some paperwork, complete a background check, and provide proof of identification and health insurance. It's really not a big deal. Depending on where you live, follow up visits with the social worker pre and post placement may be required.
Another first is to locate a reputable adoption agency. We knew we wanted to adopt within the United States and we contacted the foster care network and quickly decided fostering wasn't for us. During our home study, the social worker we located via the web, told us about an agency in Texas called Adoption Affiliates. (Note: Adoption Affiliates generally works with families located in Texas and Oklahoma see sidebar for agencies located in your state) The social worker had worked with Adoption Affiliates for several years and told us we might want to contact them. Adoption Affiliates was a perfect fit for us. The agency had been around for many years, placed mostly newborns or children under one year of age, offered open and semi open adoptions, placements occurred generally within one to two years, and the agency worked hand and hand with a law firm who made sure all the proper paperwork was filed with the courts.
If you are starting the adoption process, I would suggest you really look into an agency. Interview them and ask lots of questions. Our main concern was the legal process. We did not want a birth family to change their minds and have our baby taken away. Fortunately for us, the agency we chose had a long standing reputation and always made sure all legal documents were signed and filed with the courts. Once the documents are finalized, there is no turning back.
Our agency required all prospective adoptive parents to attend a welcome seminar. We were apprehensive about this and didn't really know what to expect. We were nervous going in and thought it might be really uncomfortable when we were told we would meet birth mothers who had placed their babies with adoptive families and we would also be meeting adoptive parents who had used Adoption Affiliates as their adoption agency. We were relieved after the seminar was over. It was great. We learned so much and walked away with a new perspective on the whole process. It was very interesting to listen to birth mothers talk about their decision and why they chose to make an adoption plan. It was also interesting to listen to adoptive families talk about what it was like to adopt and to bond with a child that isn't biologically yours.
If you agency offers a seminar to familiarize you with the process, I would highly recommend you participate. We sure were glad ours was mandatory and we definitely learned a lot.
In the sidebar are some links to websites that could help you locate an agency in your area. Below are some additional links you may find helpful:
http://www.myadoptionagencies.com/
http://www.americanadoptions.com/
http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/
http://www.adoptionisachoice.com/
A home study is not as scary as it may sound. A social worker will come to your home and visit with you. It's not a white glove inspection where he/she walks around and checks your shelves for dust and dirt. They don't dig through your cabinets and drawers looking for anything suspicious. In our experience, the social worker will come into your home, sit down with you and ask you questions about your decision to adopt. You'll be asked to fill out some paperwork, complete a background check, and provide proof of identification and health insurance. It's really not a big deal. Depending on where you live, follow up visits with the social worker pre and post placement may be required.
Another first is to locate a reputable adoption agency. We knew we wanted to adopt within the United States and we contacted the foster care network and quickly decided fostering wasn't for us. During our home study, the social worker we located via the web, told us about an agency in Texas called Adoption Affiliates. (Note: Adoption Affiliates generally works with families located in Texas and Oklahoma see sidebar for agencies located in your state) The social worker had worked with Adoption Affiliates for several years and told us we might want to contact them. Adoption Affiliates was a perfect fit for us. The agency had been around for many years, placed mostly newborns or children under one year of age, offered open and semi open adoptions, placements occurred generally within one to two years, and the agency worked hand and hand with a law firm who made sure all the proper paperwork was filed with the courts.
If you are starting the adoption process, I would suggest you really look into an agency. Interview them and ask lots of questions. Our main concern was the legal process. We did not want a birth family to change their minds and have our baby taken away. Fortunately for us, the agency we chose had a long standing reputation and always made sure all legal documents were signed and filed with the courts. Once the documents are finalized, there is no turning back.
Our agency required all prospective adoptive parents to attend a welcome seminar. We were apprehensive about this and didn't really know what to expect. We were nervous going in and thought it might be really uncomfortable when we were told we would meet birth mothers who had placed their babies with adoptive families and we would also be meeting adoptive parents who had used Adoption Affiliates as their adoption agency. We were relieved after the seminar was over. It was great. We learned so much and walked away with a new perspective on the whole process. It was very interesting to listen to birth mothers talk about their decision and why they chose to make an adoption plan. It was also interesting to listen to adoptive families talk about what it was like to adopt and to bond with a child that isn't biologically yours.
If you agency offers a seminar to familiarize you with the process, I would highly recommend you participate. We sure were glad ours was mandatory and we definitely learned a lot.
In the sidebar are some links to websites that could help you locate an agency in your area. Below are some additional links you may find helpful:
http://www.myadoptionagencies.com/
http://www.americanadoptions.com/
http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/
http://www.adoptionisachoice.com/
100th Post
I didn't plan this, it just so happened that my 100th post would include an announcement. I've started another blog...ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO.
I started ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO because over the last few years Brian and I have fielded numerous questions about adoption and we are always willing to share about our journey and do anything we can to help others who might be interested in adoption. In the last couple of months I have provided numerous people with the contact information to the adoption agency we used and told the same tale over and over again about how we became parents. Instead of retyping this story in an email every time or having someone listen to me go on and on about adoption. I decided to start up a blog. Why not? It's a fast easy way to get information out there about domestic adoption. So, I hope if you know someone who is considering adoption, has adopted or is just curious, point them to my new blogspot adoptivemomma.blogspot.com.
This is a new adventure for me and I hope it will provide someone with some helpful information. My goal is to build up the site to include helpful links to other adoption websites, links to agencies here in the United States, and maybe just answer someone's question. If it helps someone become a parent, or one baby find a home then I think it will be worth it.
I started ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO because over the last few years Brian and I have fielded numerous questions about adoption and we are always willing to share about our journey and do anything we can to help others who might be interested in adoption. In the last couple of months I have provided numerous people with the contact information to the adoption agency we used and told the same tale over and over again about how we became parents. Instead of retyping this story in an email every time or having someone listen to me go on and on about adoption. I decided to start up a blog. Why not? It's a fast easy way to get information out there about domestic adoption. So, I hope if you know someone who is considering adoption, has adopted or is just curious, point them to my new blogspot adoptivemomma.blogspot.com.
This is a new adventure for me and I hope it will provide someone with some helpful information. My goal is to build up the site to include helpful links to other adoption websites, links to agencies here in the United States, and maybe just answer someone's question. If it helps someone become a parent, or one baby find a home then I think it will be worth it.
A beginning...
I'm a mother to two healthy, happy, over active, rambunctious boys...and I love it. At one time I wasn't sure that my husband and I were going to be given the opportunity to become parents but if there is a will, there is a way. We were led to a domestic adoption agency and were matched with a birth family and became parents of our first son in 2005. We decided a few years later that we would like to adopt again and became parents of another son in 2008.
When we started our journey, we felt like fish out of water. We had no idea where to start or who to turn to. We began searching the Internet and assembled as much information as we could get our hands on about domestic adoption. We rode an emotional roller coaster with big rewards at the end. We sometimes felt we were the only people going through this process, therefore, I decided to start this blog. After discussing it with my husband and deciding maybe this could be helpful to someone somewhere I decided to go for it.
My goal is to provide people with a sounding board, some basic information about domestic adoption, what it's like on this side, some links to helpful information, and hopefully contacts with agencies throughout the United States. Maybe I'll answer a question for someone who is looking into adoption or maybe a question from parents who have already adopted. I don't know, but I hope someone finds this blog to be useful and a starting point to their adoption journey.
I cannot wait to tell you a little bit more about our journeys to parenthood so please stay tuned...
When we started our journey, we felt like fish out of water. We had no idea where to start or who to turn to. We began searching the Internet and assembled as much information as we could get our hands on about domestic adoption. We rode an emotional roller coaster with big rewards at the end. We sometimes felt we were the only people going through this process, therefore, I decided to start this blog. After discussing it with my husband and deciding maybe this could be helpful to someone somewhere I decided to go for it.
My goal is to provide people with a sounding board, some basic information about domestic adoption, what it's like on this side, some links to helpful information, and hopefully contacts with agencies throughout the United States. Maybe I'll answer a question for someone who is looking into adoption or maybe a question from parents who have already adopted. I don't know, but I hope someone finds this blog to be useful and a starting point to their adoption journey.
I cannot wait to tell you a little bit more about our journeys to parenthood so please stay tuned...
Happy Birthday Grandma!
Rogan and Brice want to wish their Grandma Dana a very happy birthday today!! 
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