In our situation, I was the infertile one. Finding out you are the problem is hard to accept. It was hard for me to deal with the fact my husband, as long as he were with me, would not have biological children. Since he informed me he didn't plan on going anywhere, that meant he would never have biological children. Knowing that made me feel really guilty. I felt horrible. I felt like I had failed. I felt bad for our parents, they may not become grandparents and that was my fault too. Brian and I are only children so our kids were their one and only shot.
Brian being the great guy he is (hope he doesn't read this it will go straight to his head) never flinched. He never had any anger at me, God, or anyone else about our inability to have children. After we suffered our fifth miscarriage, without even blinking he said, "Okay, so we'll adopt." Of course he was upset about the miscarriages, we both were, but he just went on to Plan B. I'm so thankful for his attitude and strength during that time. Since he was so sure, I accepted it too. Adoption was our fate.
We had mentioned adoption a couple of times during our failed pregnancies, but nothing too seriously. I think we believed in the back of our minds we would have biological kids. After the final miscarriage, I couldn't do it anymore. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I was spent. Brian is the one who brought adoption up again and this time we had a serious discussion about it. How will we afford it? Where do we start? Can we adopt in the US? We started asking questions and started searching for answers.
We had a new plan and I didn't have time to feel guilty anymore. It was time to get over it, I was going to find a new way to become a mom! We told our families and they were completely supportive of our adoption plan. Once the process was underway, my guilt faded. I came to understand God had other plans for us. Now, I look back and I am actually glad we couldn't have biological children. We would not have ended up with our two boys and we could not have created better kids.
Everything happens for a reason and I believe that.
"However motherhood comes to you, it's a miracle"
~Valerie Harper, adoptive parent
7/31/09
7/30/09
The Waiting Period
It's hard not to get too excited during the adoption waiting period. You never know how long the wait will be so you have to be prepared for when you get the call. At the beginning of our adoption journey we attended the required seminar by our adoption agency. When we came home we started to prepare the nursery. We were so excited we could hardly stand it. We were told we would have a baby within a year or two and we needed to be ready. That's all I needed to hear!
My nesting abilities kicked into high gear. I couldn't get the nursery decorated soon enough. Our parents were worried we were in too big of a hurry and it would be painful for us to see the empty nursery every day. We appreciated their concern, but like always being the stubborn only children my husband and I are we forged ahead.
Within a few weeks we had everything we would ever need and more for a newborn baby. I had run all the onesies and blankets through a rinse cycle so they would be clean, soft and ready for when we got the call. I folded and refolded, I organized, and reorganized. I imagined what the crib would look like when our baby came home. We played with the baby monitors, "Can you hear me now? 10-4 Over and out. This is soon to be baby momma signing off."
Then we waited. We got up every morning and went to the nursery. Brian would look at me and say, "Can you believe there is going to be a baby in here soon...our baby?" It was kind of hard to believe but we were ready and giddy with anticipation.
Luckily, our wait the first time was short, only five months. My advice to anyone in the waiting period is to keep yourself busy. Here are a few of my suggestions:
Be patient, it's worth it.
"Adoption is not about finding children for families, it's about finding families for children" ~Joyce Maguire Pavao
My nesting abilities kicked into high gear. I couldn't get the nursery decorated soon enough. Our parents were worried we were in too big of a hurry and it would be painful for us to see the empty nursery every day. We appreciated their concern, but like always being the stubborn only children my husband and I are we forged ahead.
Within a few weeks we had everything we would ever need and more for a newborn baby. I had run all the onesies and blankets through a rinse cycle so they would be clean, soft and ready for when we got the call. I folded and refolded, I organized, and reorganized. I imagined what the crib would look like when our baby came home. We played with the baby monitors, "Can you hear me now? 10-4 Over and out. This is soon to be baby momma signing off."
Then we waited. We got up every morning and went to the nursery. Brian would look at me and say, "Can you believe there is going to be a baby in here soon...our baby?" It was kind of hard to believe but we were ready and giddy with anticipation.
Luckily, our wait the first time was short, only five months. My advice to anyone in the waiting period is to keep yourself busy. Here are a few of my suggestions:
- Decorate the nursery and get familiar with everything. There are a lot of gadgets and gizmos and if you have them, you better know how to work them. You do not want to spend your time learning at 2:00 a.m. when the baby is fussing. Also, familiarize yourself with your local baby store.
- Take a trip with your spouse. Quality time together will fly out the window when baby comes spend as much time together now as you can.
- Keep a journal. This will be great to go back to after the adoption is complete and the waiting period seems like a life time ago. Also, your kids will enjoy reading it one day.
- Pick up a hobby old or new. If you like to garden, get back to it. If you have been meaning to get back in the gym...go you'll need the extra energy.
- Read some parenting books and adoption books. Get an idea of what lies ahead.
- Do some Spring cleaning. After the baby is here there will be no time to wash windows, and deep clean the house.
- Complete a home project. We added on to our patio the summer before our son was born. We did the work ourselves, it gave us something to do every evening and kept our minds busy. Don't get yourselves in too deep, you want to be able to have it finished before you get the call.
- Organize your photos, you've been meaning to do it anyway and you probably just went through them all for your adoption portfolio.
Be patient, it's worth it.
"Adoption is not about finding children for families, it's about finding families for children" ~Joyce Maguire Pavao
7/27/09
Splash Park
We have a new splash park and playground in town and decided to take the kids to it on Sunday. We headed over there early in hopes to beat the crowd, no such luck. Everyone in Tulsa has heard about it and they were all there. We turned around and decided to go to an older splash park about two miles down the road. Since everyone was at the new one, we had the place to ourselves. 
7/24/09
Adoption Box
During the adoption process we received a lot of stuff. The agency provided us with information about the birth parents, letters from the birth family, medical histories, social history for the birth parents and anything else they wanted to share with their child. We also have all the goodies you go home with from the hospital. We didn't know where to put all this stuff. We knew we wanted to keep it all for our boys but putting it in a box and shoving it in the attic didn't seem right so what should we do with it? So, we came up with the adoption box.
When we started the adoption process we made a trip to Wal-Mart and bought a Rubbermaid storage bin and started putting everything we knew we wanted to keep for our boys in the box. I decorated the box with the boy's names and stickers and we keep them in their closets.
Someday, the boys are going to want to know all about their adoption. I think their adoption box will definitely provide some answers. I have copies of all the paperwork Brian and I filled out so the kids will know where we were at that time. It shows why we pursued adoption, what led us to the agency, what our fertility struggles were, where we worked, our salaries, all the personal information the agency requested. I have the paperwork from the birth families the agency provided us with and any and all information I have about their birth parents. Also included is hospital paperwork. (APGAR scores, their little hats, blankets, combs, foot prints, etc.)
I specifically include a journal I kept during the process for each of them about the days leading up to and the days following their birth. Brian and I chose to write our story in their journals about how we met, fell in love, got married and decided to start a family. I keep the outfits they came home from the hospital in and their baby books in the boxes. Most importantly, I keep a copy of the adoption portfolio we created and a photo of their birth parent(s).
We will always be honest with our boys about being adopted but I think the box may help provide some answers when they are ready for them.
When we started the adoption process we made a trip to Wal-Mart and bought a Rubbermaid storage bin and started putting everything we knew we wanted to keep for our boys in the box. I decorated the box with the boy's names and stickers and we keep them in their closets.
Someday, the boys are going to want to know all about their adoption. I think their adoption box will definitely provide some answers. I have copies of all the paperwork Brian and I filled out so the kids will know where we were at that time. It shows why we pursued adoption, what led us to the agency, what our fertility struggles were, where we worked, our salaries, all the personal information the agency requested. I have the paperwork from the birth families the agency provided us with and any and all information I have about their birth parents. Also included is hospital paperwork. (APGAR scores, their little hats, blankets, combs, foot prints, etc.)
I specifically include a journal I kept during the process for each of them about the days leading up to and the days following their birth. Brian and I chose to write our story in their journals about how we met, fell in love, got married and decided to start a family. I keep the outfits they came home from the hospital in and their baby books in the boxes. Most importantly, I keep a copy of the adoption portfolio we created and a photo of their birth parent(s).
We will always be honest with our boys about being adopted but I think the box may help provide some answers when they are ready for them.
7/23/09
Hangin' with Grandma
My mom left this morning. I'm now wholly responsible for cleaning, cooking, and caring for my own children during the day...man life's rough. She was such a BIG help and we had some fun too. I was able to get out and about the last couple of days for a few hours and we took the kids to the aquarium on Tuesday and Bass Pro on Wednesday. We had a great time. My mom loves to "create" photo opportunities (i.e., her grandson being attacked by Jaws). Here are some pictures of Rogan fighting off Jaws and Brice just being Brice, he was charging at us with dear antlers. I have to admit, it was hilarious.
At the aquarium we fed the stingrays and ran through the exhibits with Brice. He did slow down long enough to explore the touch and feel ponds where he got to touch shark eggs and a starfish. Believe me, I was worried for that poor starfish. You never know when Brice might decide to give it a squeeze. Fortunately, the shark egg pods are sterile and no shark babies were injured during our photo opportunities.
As always Rogan just sits back and enjoys the action!
Thanks Grandma for a great week!
At the aquarium we fed the stingrays and ran through the exhibits with Brice. He did slow down long enough to explore the touch and feel ponds where he got to touch shark eggs and a starfish. Believe me, I was worried for that poor starfish. You never know when Brice might decide to give it a squeeze. Fortunately, the shark egg pods are sterile and no shark babies were injured during our photo opportunities.As always Rogan just sits back and enjoys the action!Thanks Grandma for a great week!
7/20/09
Meeting the Birth parent(s)
Meeting the birth parent(s) of your child can be an awkward experience. We have adopted twice, but we had what we call "a dry run"and therefore we have actually met 3 sets of birth parents and a set of biological grandparents, an aunt, cousins, an uncle, and a biological sibling of our children. So, we've had some experience when it comes to meeting biological family members of our children.
First of all, be yourself. The birth parent has chosen you because they saw something in your portfolio they liked. You want the birth parent(s) to get an honest impression of you. You are the person who will be raising their child. They will have some expectations of you and you may or may not meet them. It's okay, just go with the flow and be yourself.
The first time Brian and I met the birth family of our oldest son was at the hospital. I would recommend you meet before then. It just so happened, that is the way it worked out for us. We walk into the hospital to the birthing center for the scheduled c-section of our oldest son and turned a corner to greet the birth mother's parents, her daughter and her common law husband. We were taken aback, but you smile and introduce yourselves and you know what...it works out. The first thing the birth mother's mother said to me was, you look like my daughter. They were already picturing their child's life with us. I could tell, they immediately accepted us. Maybe it was because I had blond hair, blue eyes and I'm short just like the birth mom. I don't know, but it worked out. Our son was born and his biological father signed paperwork to get us into the nursery immediately so we could begin bonding with our son.
Our "dry run" experience was soon after we had decided to adopt a second child. We were chosen by a set of teenage birth parents. They wanted to meet us but you could tell from the beginning, that something just didn't seem right. Soon after, they decided against adoption and chose to raise the baby. We were told several stories about why they changed their minds about adoption, but we will never know for sure. Of course, we were crushed but we soon realized that baby was not ours. Our baby would come to us when the time was right.
Approximately six months later we received the call again, this time it was another young mother who was due in a month and wanted to meet us. Of course we were hesitant and still a little bruised from the earlier rejection but when we met her we knew, he was going to be ours. She ended up going into labor early and our second son was born about a week later. Supporting the birth mom were her aunt, her uncle, and her two cousins. We were with her family during all the hours of labor and bonded with them at the hospital. They really got to know us and we believe this only reinforced the decision the birth mother had made.
Hopefully, when you meet your birth parent(s) someone from your agency will come along. In our experience the agency set up the meeting and our adoption worker was present to help us through the awkward moments. The adoption worker will try to kick off the conversation and help to keep it going. Also, if the birth parent(s) were to ask you a question you may not want to answer (i.e. Where do you work? or Where do you live?) the agency's representative can more easily address the question by letting them know that that particular information is something they do not like to give out. This prevents you from looking defensive or perhaps offending the potential birth parent.
I would suggest you discuss the birth parent meeting with your adoption worker and let them know what your expectations are. Tell them about your concerns. The adoption worker has most likely participated in these meetings several times and can help put your mind at ease. Everyone involved wants the meeting to go well, go in with an open mind and relax.
Our adoptions were semi-open, we only met the birth parent(s) once and all other contact is through the agency. The birth parent(s) know our first names and what state we live in. No personal information is exchanged. If you have any questions about meeting the birth parent or what to expect, feel free to email me at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com. I also read all comments I receive on posts.
First of all, be yourself. The birth parent has chosen you because they saw something in your portfolio they liked. You want the birth parent(s) to get an honest impression of you. You are the person who will be raising their child. They will have some expectations of you and you may or may not meet them. It's okay, just go with the flow and be yourself.
The first time Brian and I met the birth family of our oldest son was at the hospital. I would recommend you meet before then. It just so happened, that is the way it worked out for us. We walk into the hospital to the birthing center for the scheduled c-section of our oldest son and turned a corner to greet the birth mother's parents, her daughter and her common law husband. We were taken aback, but you smile and introduce yourselves and you know what...it works out. The first thing the birth mother's mother said to me was, you look like my daughter. They were already picturing their child's life with us. I could tell, they immediately accepted us. Maybe it was because I had blond hair, blue eyes and I'm short just like the birth mom. I don't know, but it worked out. Our son was born and his biological father signed paperwork to get us into the nursery immediately so we could begin bonding with our son.
Our "dry run" experience was soon after we had decided to adopt a second child. We were chosen by a set of teenage birth parents. They wanted to meet us but you could tell from the beginning, that something just didn't seem right. Soon after, they decided against adoption and chose to raise the baby. We were told several stories about why they changed their minds about adoption, but we will never know for sure. Of course, we were crushed but we soon realized that baby was not ours. Our baby would come to us when the time was right.
Approximately six months later we received the call again, this time it was another young mother who was due in a month and wanted to meet us. Of course we were hesitant and still a little bruised from the earlier rejection but when we met her we knew, he was going to be ours. She ended up going into labor early and our second son was born about a week later. Supporting the birth mom were her aunt, her uncle, and her two cousins. We were with her family during all the hours of labor and bonded with them at the hospital. They really got to know us and we believe this only reinforced the decision the birth mother had made.
Hopefully, when you meet your birth parent(s) someone from your agency will come along. In our experience the agency set up the meeting and our adoption worker was present to help us through the awkward moments. The adoption worker will try to kick off the conversation and help to keep it going. Also, if the birth parent(s) were to ask you a question you may not want to answer (i.e. Where do you work? or Where do you live?) the agency's representative can more easily address the question by letting them know that that particular information is something they do not like to give out. This prevents you from looking defensive or perhaps offending the potential birth parent.
I would suggest you discuss the birth parent meeting with your adoption worker and let them know what your expectations are. Tell them about your concerns. The adoption worker has most likely participated in these meetings several times and can help put your mind at ease. Everyone involved wants the meeting to go well, go in with an open mind and relax.
Our adoptions were semi-open, we only met the birth parent(s) once and all other contact is through the agency. The birth parent(s) know our first names and what state we live in. No personal information is exchanged. If you have any questions about meeting the birth parent or what to expect, feel free to email me at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com. I also read all comments I receive on posts.
Down for the Count
I've been unable to do much blogging lately and I apologize. The kids have spent the last several days running their Grandma Jan all over. I had knee surgery on Thursday and I am just now starting to get around and able to sit a the computer for a little bit.
My boys are having a blast and my mom has done everything around here. Not only is she taking care of me and my sore leg but she has kept the laundry done, the house cleaned, dinner cooked and my boys happy. Thank you! I don't know what I'd do without her.
Hopefully, I will be up and around more this week and able to take some pictures and get back to blogging about my kiddos!
My boys are having a blast and my mom has done everything around here. Not only is she taking care of me and my sore leg but she has kept the laundry done, the house cleaned, dinner cooked and my boys happy. Thank you! I don't know what I'd do without her.
Hopefully, I will be up and around more this week and able to take some pictures and get back to blogging about my kiddos!
7/19/09
Adoption Costs
I'll be completely honest with you, adoption is costly. From our experience, approximately $25,000 a piece. This amount includes travel expenses, court costs, adoption fees, and all other costs incurred. When Brian and I first heard this number, we thought that was the end of the road for us, we would have to wait to adopt until we were older and had more money. We asked the adoption agency, how do people afford it?
Many people cash in retirement funds, take second mortgages, apply for personal loans, or borrow the money from family. Fortunately, for us we are blessed with wonderful family who was willing to loan us the money at no interest. If not for them, we would not have been able to adopt when we did. We would probably still be waiting to adopt. The good news is, most of the costs you incur are tax deductible. Be sure to save all your receipts including meals, hotels, rental cars, airline tickets, etc.
There are also funds, grants and special loans that adoptive parents can apply for, if they qualify.
Here are a list of websites with helpful information regarding adoption funding:
Parenthoodforme.org
National Adoption Foundation
God's Grace Adoption Ministry
Adoption.com
TheAdoptionGuide.com
BabyCenter.com
Many people cash in retirement funds, take second mortgages, apply for personal loans, or borrow the money from family. Fortunately, for us we are blessed with wonderful family who was willing to loan us the money at no interest. If not for them, we would not have been able to adopt when we did. We would probably still be waiting to adopt. The good news is, most of the costs you incur are tax deductible. Be sure to save all your receipts including meals, hotels, rental cars, airline tickets, etc.
There are also funds, grants and special loans that adoptive parents can apply for, if they qualify.
Here are a list of websites with helpful information regarding adoption funding:
Parenthoodforme.org
National Adoption Foundation
God's Grace Adoption Ministry
Adoption.com
TheAdoptionGuide.com
BabyCenter.com
7/15/09
Creating Your Portfolio
Your adoption agency will probably ask you to create a portfolio. The portfolio is used by the agency to introduce you to birth mothers. Your portfolio is basically a condensed scrapbook of your life. If possible, ask your agency to let you review portfolios of past adoptive parents so you can get ideas for content, design, etc. I am not a creative person, I needed to see what others had to done to get an idea of where to start.
We kept our portfolios fairly simple and took them to our local printing shop to have them copied and bound. Your agency will tell you how many copies you will need. I always made an extra for our child's adoption box. (I'll explain the adoption box in a later post)
We created a new portfolio for both of our adoptions, of course the second portfolio had to include our oldest son. It was suggested by our agency to include our oldest son in the portfolio, but maybe not on the cover. At first, we didn't know what to think about that suggestion. Our initial thought was he's the most important person in our life, we want the birth mother to know their child will have an older sibling, he had to be front and center.
After more thought and consideration, we decided the agency was probably correct and he absolutely should be included but in the sequence of events. If a birth mother saw a portfolio with a child already the center of attention right on the front page, they may not think their child could fit into our family. If we took the time to introduce our son and how he came into our lives, a birth mother would get a better impression of how their child would fit into our family.
Our portfolios started with a picture of Brian and I on the front. Use current photos. You want the person in the portfolio to be the person a birth mother meets, if you are chosen. Also keep it simple. Simple colors, not a lot of design or anything that could be distracting. Also, keep it short. You do not want the birth mother to grow tired of you before she even has a chance to meet you. Our portfolios were no more than 20 pages, some pages were just pictures with scrapbooking stickers as decoration.
Inside, the portfolio was a chronological scrapbook of us. Brian and I met in grade school so the first page included a short narrative about how long we've known each other, when we started dating and when we got married. I included a photo of us together at our high school prom and then a wedding photo. I think by including both photos I was showing longevity in our relationship. The narrative was short and to the point, about a paragraph.
Next, were pictures of us participating in activities we enjoy together with a short narrative of what we like to do and why. Our dogs had a page. We love dogs and they are a part of our family, so they were included. A grandparents page, with pictures of our parents and a short paragraph written by them and addressed to the birth mother. In our second portfolio, this is where our oldest son came in. We had a few pages with pictures of us with him as a baby, pictures of us on vacation, all of us at the zoo, the aquarium, the park, etc.
Include photos of your home, this gives the birth mother an idea of where the child will grow up. I included photos from our neighborhood that showed what a great family oriented neighborhood we have with walking paths, fishing ponds, swimming pools and a playground. Include a photo of the decorated nursery. It gives the birth mother a visual for where their child will be cared for and sleep at night.
Brian and I each wrote a letter to the birth mother explaining our feelings and thoughts about each other, our children, our families, the adoption process and about her. We thanked her for taking the time to look at our portfolio and giving us her consideration.
Finally, I ended our portfolios with a page and photos of our family. Brian and I are only children so I included pictures of cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone we are close to. I wanted to show even though we are only children our children will be surrounded by loved ones.
You never know what a birth mother is going to pick out to latch onto in your portfolio. In our first adoption, it was the dogs. The birth mother loved dogs and wanted her child to grow up with a pet. Our second adoption, the birth mother liked the grandparents' letters. She liked all the family we had around us. She liked the longevity of relationships in our family. Our parents have been married for over 35 years and Brian and I have been together since we were teenagers. She liked the stability.
I think the social worker at our agency put it well when she told us, birth mothers will look at your portfolio and try to picture their lives turning out like yours. It puts a lot of pressure on your portfolio, but I think it is the most important task you will complete during the adoption process. You will not get to meet a birth mother unless she likes your portfolio. It's your resume and your first impression.
My next post, will be about financing an adoption. It is an expensive process, but you can make it work.
We kept our portfolios fairly simple and took them to our local printing shop to have them copied and bound. Your agency will tell you how many copies you will need. I always made an extra for our child's adoption box. (I'll explain the adoption box in a later post)
We created a new portfolio for both of our adoptions, of course the second portfolio had to include our oldest son. It was suggested by our agency to include our oldest son in the portfolio, but maybe not on the cover. At first, we didn't know what to think about that suggestion. Our initial thought was he's the most important person in our life, we want the birth mother to know their child will have an older sibling, he had to be front and center.
After more thought and consideration, we decided the agency was probably correct and he absolutely should be included but in the sequence of events. If a birth mother saw a portfolio with a child already the center of attention right on the front page, they may not think their child could fit into our family. If we took the time to introduce our son and how he came into our lives, a birth mother would get a better impression of how their child would fit into our family.
Our portfolios started with a picture of Brian and I on the front. Use current photos. You want the person in the portfolio to be the person a birth mother meets, if you are chosen. Also keep it simple. Simple colors, not a lot of design or anything that could be distracting. Also, keep it short. You do not want the birth mother to grow tired of you before she even has a chance to meet you. Our portfolios were no more than 20 pages, some pages were just pictures with scrapbooking stickers as decoration.
Inside, the portfolio was a chronological scrapbook of us. Brian and I met in grade school so the first page included a short narrative about how long we've known each other, when we started dating and when we got married. I included a photo of us together at our high school prom and then a wedding photo. I think by including both photos I was showing longevity in our relationship. The narrative was short and to the point, about a paragraph.
Next, were pictures of us participating in activities we enjoy together with a short narrative of what we like to do and why. Our dogs had a page. We love dogs and they are a part of our family, so they were included. A grandparents page, with pictures of our parents and a short paragraph written by them and addressed to the birth mother. In our second portfolio, this is where our oldest son came in. We had a few pages with pictures of us with him as a baby, pictures of us on vacation, all of us at the zoo, the aquarium, the park, etc.
Include photos of your home, this gives the birth mother an idea of where the child will grow up. I included photos from our neighborhood that showed what a great family oriented neighborhood we have with walking paths, fishing ponds, swimming pools and a playground. Include a photo of the decorated nursery. It gives the birth mother a visual for where their child will be cared for and sleep at night.
Brian and I each wrote a letter to the birth mother explaining our feelings and thoughts about each other, our children, our families, the adoption process and about her. We thanked her for taking the time to look at our portfolio and giving us her consideration.
Finally, I ended our portfolios with a page and photos of our family. Brian and I are only children so I included pictures of cousins, aunts and uncles, everyone we are close to. I wanted to show even though we are only children our children will be surrounded by loved ones.
You never know what a birth mother is going to pick out to latch onto in your portfolio. In our first adoption, it was the dogs. The birth mother loved dogs and wanted her child to grow up with a pet. Our second adoption, the birth mother liked the grandparents' letters. She liked all the family we had around us. She liked the longevity of relationships in our family. Our parents have been married for over 35 years and Brian and I have been together since we were teenagers. She liked the stability.
I think the social worker at our agency put it well when she told us, birth mothers will look at your portfolio and try to picture their lives turning out like yours. It puts a lot of pressure on your portfolio, but I think it is the most important task you will complete during the adoption process. You will not get to meet a birth mother unless she likes your portfolio. It's your resume and your first impression.
My next post, will be about financing an adoption. It is an expensive process, but you can make it work.
7/14/09
Where to Start
When we started the adoption process Brian and I didn't know where to begin, we didn't even know if adopting a newborn within the United States was possible. We started by contacting an attorney that Brian had worked for during college. He had done some adoption placements and we thought he might be able to help. He told us the first step was to have a home study. Okay, what's a home study we thought.
A home study is not as scary as it may sound. A social worker will come to your home and visit with you. It's not a white glove inspection where he/she walks around and checks your shelves for dust and dirt. They don't dig through your cabinets and drawers looking for anything suspicious. In our experience, the social worker will come into your home, sit down with you and ask you questions about your decision to adopt. You'll be asked to fill out some paperwork, complete a background check, and provide proof of identification and health insurance. It's really not a big deal. Depending on where you live, follow up visits with the social worker pre and post placement may be required.
Another first is to locate a reputable adoption agency. We knew we wanted to adopt within the United States and we contacted the foster care network and quickly decided fostering wasn't for us. During our home study, the social worker we located via the web, told us about an agency in Texas called Adoption Affiliates. (Note: Adoption Affiliates generally works with families located in Texas and Oklahoma see sidebar for agencies located in your state) The social worker had worked with Adoption Affiliates for several years and told us we might want to contact them. Adoption Affiliates was a perfect fit for us. The agency had been around for many years, placed mostly newborns or children under one year of age, offered open and semi open adoptions, placements occurred generally within one to two years, and the agency worked hand and hand with a law firm who made sure all the proper paperwork was filed with the courts.
If you are starting the adoption process, I would suggest you really look into an agency. Interview them and ask lots of questions. Our main concern was the legal process. We did not want a birth family to change their minds and have our baby taken away. Fortunately for us, the agency we chose had a long standing reputation and always made sure all legal documents were signed and filed with the courts. Once the documents are finalized, there is no turning back.
Our agency required all prospective adoptive parents to attend a welcome seminar. We were apprehensive about this and didn't really know what to expect. We were nervous going in and thought it might be really uncomfortable when we were told we would meet birth mothers who had placed their babies with adoptive families and we would also be meeting adoptive parents who had used Adoption Affiliates as their adoption agency. We were relieved after the seminar was over. It was great. We learned so much and walked away with a new perspective on the whole process. It was very interesting to listen to birth mothers talk about their decision and why they chose to make an adoption plan. It was also interesting to listen to adoptive families talk about what it was like to adopt and to bond with a child that isn't biologically yours.
If you agency offers a seminar to familiarize you with the process, I would highly recommend you participate. We sure were glad ours was mandatory and we definitely learned a lot.
In the sidebar are some links to websites that could help you locate an agency in your area. Below are some additional links you may find helpful:
http://www.myadoptionagencies.com/
http://www.americanadoptions.com/
http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/
http://www.adoptionisachoice.com/
A home study is not as scary as it may sound. A social worker will come to your home and visit with you. It's not a white glove inspection where he/she walks around and checks your shelves for dust and dirt. They don't dig through your cabinets and drawers looking for anything suspicious. In our experience, the social worker will come into your home, sit down with you and ask you questions about your decision to adopt. You'll be asked to fill out some paperwork, complete a background check, and provide proof of identification and health insurance. It's really not a big deal. Depending on where you live, follow up visits with the social worker pre and post placement may be required.
Another first is to locate a reputable adoption agency. We knew we wanted to adopt within the United States and we contacted the foster care network and quickly decided fostering wasn't for us. During our home study, the social worker we located via the web, told us about an agency in Texas called Adoption Affiliates. (Note: Adoption Affiliates generally works with families located in Texas and Oklahoma see sidebar for agencies located in your state) The social worker had worked with Adoption Affiliates for several years and told us we might want to contact them. Adoption Affiliates was a perfect fit for us. The agency had been around for many years, placed mostly newborns or children under one year of age, offered open and semi open adoptions, placements occurred generally within one to two years, and the agency worked hand and hand with a law firm who made sure all the proper paperwork was filed with the courts.
If you are starting the adoption process, I would suggest you really look into an agency. Interview them and ask lots of questions. Our main concern was the legal process. We did not want a birth family to change their minds and have our baby taken away. Fortunately for us, the agency we chose had a long standing reputation and always made sure all legal documents were signed and filed with the courts. Once the documents are finalized, there is no turning back.
Our agency required all prospective adoptive parents to attend a welcome seminar. We were apprehensive about this and didn't really know what to expect. We were nervous going in and thought it might be really uncomfortable when we were told we would meet birth mothers who had placed their babies with adoptive families and we would also be meeting adoptive parents who had used Adoption Affiliates as their adoption agency. We were relieved after the seminar was over. It was great. We learned so much and walked away with a new perspective on the whole process. It was very interesting to listen to birth mothers talk about their decision and why they chose to make an adoption plan. It was also interesting to listen to adoptive families talk about what it was like to adopt and to bond with a child that isn't biologically yours.
If you agency offers a seminar to familiarize you with the process, I would highly recommend you participate. We sure were glad ours was mandatory and we definitely learned a lot.
In the sidebar are some links to websites that could help you locate an agency in your area. Below are some additional links you may find helpful:
http://www.myadoptionagencies.com/
http://www.americanadoptions.com/
http://www.adoptionnetwork.com/
http://www.adoptionisachoice.com/
100th Post
I didn't plan this, it just so happened that my 100th post would include an announcement. I've started another blog...ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO.
I started ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO because over the last few years Brian and I have fielded numerous questions about adoption and we are always willing to share about our journey and do anything we can to help others who might be interested in adoption. In the last couple of months I have provided numerous people with the contact information to the adoption agency we used and told the same tale over and over again about how we became parents. Instead of retyping this story in an email every time or having someone listen to me go on and on about adoption. I decided to start up a blog. Why not? It's a fast easy way to get information out there about domestic adoption. So, I hope if you know someone who is considering adoption, has adopted or is just curious, point them to my new blogspot adoptivemomma.blogspot.com.
This is a new adventure for me and I hope it will provide someone with some helpful information. My goal is to build up the site to include helpful links to other adoption websites, links to agencies here in the United States, and maybe just answer someone's question. If it helps someone become a parent, or one baby find a home then I think it will be worth it.
I started ADOPTIVE MOMMA OF TWO because over the last few years Brian and I have fielded numerous questions about adoption and we are always willing to share about our journey and do anything we can to help others who might be interested in adoption. In the last couple of months I have provided numerous people with the contact information to the adoption agency we used and told the same tale over and over again about how we became parents. Instead of retyping this story in an email every time or having someone listen to me go on and on about adoption. I decided to start up a blog. Why not? It's a fast easy way to get information out there about domestic adoption. So, I hope if you know someone who is considering adoption, has adopted or is just curious, point them to my new blogspot adoptivemomma.blogspot.com.
This is a new adventure for me and I hope it will provide someone with some helpful information. My goal is to build up the site to include helpful links to other adoption websites, links to agencies here in the United States, and maybe just answer someone's question. If it helps someone become a parent, or one baby find a home then I think it will be worth it.
A beginning...
I'm a mother to two healthy, happy, over active, rambunctious boys...and I love it. At one time I wasn't sure that my husband and I were going to be given the opportunity to become parents but if there is a will, there is a way. We were led to a domestic adoption agency and were matched with a birth family and became parents of our first son in 2005. We decided a few years later that we would like to adopt again and became parents of another son in 2008.
When we started our journey, we felt like fish out of water. We had no idea where to start or who to turn to. We began searching the Internet and assembled as much information as we could get our hands on about domestic adoption. We rode an emotional roller coaster with big rewards at the end. We sometimes felt we were the only people going through this process, therefore, I decided to start this blog. After discussing it with my husband and deciding maybe this could be helpful to someone somewhere I decided to go for it.
My goal is to provide people with a sounding board, some basic information about domestic adoption, what it's like on this side, some links to helpful information, and hopefully contacts with agencies throughout the United States. Maybe I'll answer a question for someone who is looking into adoption or maybe a question from parents who have already adopted. I don't know, but I hope someone finds this blog to be useful and a starting point to their adoption journey.
I cannot wait to tell you a little bit more about our journeys to parenthood so please stay tuned...
When we started our journey, we felt like fish out of water. We had no idea where to start or who to turn to. We began searching the Internet and assembled as much information as we could get our hands on about domestic adoption. We rode an emotional roller coaster with big rewards at the end. We sometimes felt we were the only people going through this process, therefore, I decided to start this blog. After discussing it with my husband and deciding maybe this could be helpful to someone somewhere I decided to go for it.
My goal is to provide people with a sounding board, some basic information about domestic adoption, what it's like on this side, some links to helpful information, and hopefully contacts with agencies throughout the United States. Maybe I'll answer a question for someone who is looking into adoption or maybe a question from parents who have already adopted. I don't know, but I hope someone finds this blog to be useful and a starting point to their adoption journey.
I cannot wait to tell you a little bit more about our journeys to parenthood so please stay tuned...
Happy Birthday Grandma!
Rogan and Brice want to wish their Grandma Dana a very happy birthday today!! 
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7/6/09
Rogan's Almost Birthday!
Since we were with my family the week before Rogan's birthday we decided to have a party for him at my parent's house. We'll have another this weekend at our house for Brian's side of the family. His birthday is actually this Thursday, so I think we will have fully celebrated it by the weekend. We cannot believe he's already one. It seems like it was just yesterday, that we were planning our vacation to Colorado and headed to Texas to pick him up instead. I was just starting to blog the month before he was born and if you look back to those old posts you'll see how he entered our world in a whirlwind.
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He's the happiest almost 1 year old around. He smiles and giggles non-stop. We're so thankful to have him and he's a great little brother for Brice. He's so laid back and easy going, he doesn't even care when his big brother steals his toys and refuses to share (we're working on it)..jpg)
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Rogan dug into his birthday cupcake, but just wanted to smear it all around. He wasn't interested in eating any of it. We can't wait for his party this weekend and there will definitely be more pictures to come! .jpg)
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Fisher
As we were getting around yesterday morning and preparing to leave my parent's house, we got a call from our veternarian that our lab Fisher had died. We were shocked. Apparently, he suffered a gastric torsion and died suddenly. Gastric torsions are common in labs but we weren't prepared to have him leave us quite yet.
Fisher was a handlful of a dog, he tore up more things than I even care to mention. He was full of energy and loved to play fetch with his tennis ball until he would almost collapse. We would have to hide the ball to get him to stop. He and Brice were buddies and they loved to play outside together. He was a big ol' blockhead, but he was our big ol' blockhead and we loved him very much and we miss him. Luckily, Brice is young enough that he really doesn't know what happened and hasn't looked for him. He still has our old dog Maggie and even though she's 10 years old, she is very patient with him and lets Brice walk his dinosaurs all over her while she is just trying to lay around and rest.
If you're in my family, you love dogs. We've even cried over each other's dogs. We'll miss Fisher and we're thankful he was with us for six years.
Griswold Family Vacation
The Griswolds made it through another road trip. This year we went to Texas for a week to spend time with my family. We went with my parents to Dinosaur World and Fossil Rim Park in Glen Rose, TX. Brice loved Dinosaur World. He ran full speed through the dinosaur trail, but that's just Brice. The adults were all suffering trying to keep up with him in the relentless Texas heat. He was so excited, he couldn't wait to see what was around the next corner. He kept looking back to us and waving saying, "come on guys, look at this!". My cousin and his family and my aunt and uncle met us in Glen Rose. We all went to Fossil Rim Park which is great. It is a 9.5 mile drive through animal park. You stop halfway through to visit the petting zoo, gift shop and snack bar. You are able to feed the animals by dropping food from your car window all the way through the park. The giraffes come up to your car and you are able to hand feed those. It was a blast. .jpg)
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After Glen Rose, we followed my family back to my aunt and uncle's home in Lampasas. They have about 10 acres and the kids were able to feed chickens, pet some goats, climb on tractors, ride in golf carts and play with the dogs. They had so much fun and were covered in dirt (and other stuff I'm sure) from head to toe.
The rest of the week we spent at my parent's house in Denton. We took the kids to a water park and spent time with my cousin Tracee and her husband Derek. They brought poor Louie their puppy over to hang with Brice again. Poor dog, he ran non stop with Brice for two days and even responded when Brice consistently called him RUE-WEE. My parents set up a miniature water park in their backyard so the kids had three swimming pools to play in. The adults took advantage of the cold water to cool off too.
We had a great trip and lots of fun with all my cousins, second cousins, cousin-in-laws, aunt, uncle and my parents. We hope they all had as much fun as we did.
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