I researched divorce rate in adoptive parents a little and did not find any concrete evidence that the divorce rate is higher or lower in adoptive parents. A common thread of information and advice I did find was divorce can be harder on an adopted child, especially a child who was an older adoptee. Adopted children often feel a sense of loss because they are adopted. Their emotional needs may be greater during a divorce because they are suffering another loss. Also, older adopted children may have had attachment issues and experiencing a divorce may cause them additional issues.
I would think adoptive parents would be less likely to divorce. The reason I believe this is because most adoptive parents have already suffered through infertility and the emotional and financial struggles that come with infertility and adoption. Also, during the home study process adoptive parents are questioned about their marriage and any marriage concerns. If the social worker felt a marriage were at risk, I doubt they would approve the home study or place a child with them. Perhaps, adoption only makes our marriages stronger. Like Brian and I, you have already been through all the "crap".
The day we were hitched, December 1999
What do you think? Did adoption strain your marriage?
8 comments:
My parents have been married for almost 30 years and I have friends that are blown away by this. I have been married for almost 8 and have had several people tell me about how rare it is that we were married so young and are still married (and will be for life) I agree with you that if two people have been thru what most adoptive parents have I think there is a common ground and nothing can tear them to people apart. Nothing. I am such a blessed wife and I can see myself growing old with my husband...and that makes me smile! I did have someone ask me at one time.."What if you divorce how does that affect an adoptive child" I simply replied with not only would I be failing Mist but her birthmother too, besides you don't have to worry about that;)
My parents are adoptive parents. They will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in Jan. They have been through hell and back and have managed to keep their marriage in tacked. I think the devorce rate is probably not that different between adoptive parents and parents who conceive their own child.
My husband and I were married very young (we were only 21 when we got married) and have been married for 17 years. Neither infertility nor adoption strained our marriage. His parents are still married and mine were married up until my mom died in 2004 so we had really good role models to look up to throughout our lives.
My husband and I have always had a great marriage. Infertility, however did takes its toll on us. While our marriage was never strained, it did change us. But in the end, it brought us closer together and more in love with each other our family. Adoption has definitely not hurt our marriage, but made it stronger.
We celebrated our 10 year anniversary this year!
My husband and I come from families with parents who have been married a long time. My parents will be celebrating their 47th anniversary in Feb and my husbands parents (although both have died) would be married 58 years. We have been married 17 years and have been through infertility and adoption. We think it has made us stronger as a couple and family to have experienced what we have. I have friends that have been through what we have and they are divorced. The man has remarried and has had a baby with his new wife. This has been very traumatic on the 2 adopted children that they have, and also very difficult for my friend to realize that she couldn't birth children but her ex-husband can.
i was divorced when 2 yrs later i was faced with an unexpected pregnancy and when searching for a family that was a big deal for me, i felt like it happened to me- it can happen to anyone, i specifically looked at couples who had been married 10 yrs, give or take a smidge, i felt like that would help 'ensure' that they had been thrown some crap from life and that overcoming that crap, including infertility crap, had made them a stronger couple.
i remember asking the couple i placed with via email before i officially picked them ..."tell me why you wont get divorced? and dont tell me cuz you love each other and you work at your marriage, cuz guess what i loved my spouse and worked on my marriage and here i am" ... they answered separately as to not influence each others answers, which i thought was great! i enjoyed their thoughts and answers, and felt that they were genuine and honest answers, two components that in and of themselves were key to a successful marriage.
as a birthmom it was very important to find a couple whos marriage wouldnt end in divorce, which is hard fully knowing that nothing in life is guaranteed, it's def a leap of faith and i hope that the couple i placed with will continue to remain solid, in love and be an example to their children and grandchildren.
I'm a biological mother. I chose adoption for my daughter. The adoptive parents divorced two years after adopting my daughter. Just another of the many reasons placing her for adoption was a whole lot of pain for me that ultimately doesn't make sense. She already had a loving mother with a stable job.
Yes adoption definitely strained our marriage. By God's grace we are still married, though the time since the adoption has been and will likely still be accompanied by a number of challanges, from finances to issues pertaining to the raising of the kids. It's been five years now since the adoption, and The kids, when we adopted them (three at once) were 7,9 and 11. We also have our own older children, who have had their own struggles.
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