Do you love them differently?

I have been asked a lot of questions over the past 4 years after becoming a parent through adoption. Some of the questions are crazy and out of the blue, some can be rude, and sometimes people just wonder and feel comfortable enough to ask. I am very rarely offended and if someone were to ask me a question I felt was inappropriate I feel I could let them know. If my family or friends are reading this post, that last sentence probably received a good chuckle. In case you don't already know, my feelings and opinions are rarely kept to myself.

One of the questions I have received, do you think you love them differently than you would a biological child? My immediate response was no. Since, we do not have biological children; I guess we will never truly know the answer. Although, I can say without a doubt, I love my boys more than anything in this world. They are my boys, my kids. The end. My kids are loved with my whole heart and soul. I do not know what it is to love a biological child, but I imagine it could not be any different.

I remember when we went through our adoption seminar as we began the adoption process; there was a couple present who were still on the edge about adoption. The wife was for it 150%. She did not have any biological children and from what I remember was unable to conceive. Her husband was in his second marriage and had teenage children from his first marriage. He truly was concerned he might not love an adopted child as much as his biological children. He was not a bad person for having such a concern. I tried to think about it from his perspective. He had been a father for more than a decade to two children. He could never imagine loving a child anymore than the two biological children he had. He did not want to hurt his wife or an adopted child, he feared he would.

Fortunately, one of the speakers at the seminar was an adoptive family which included a father with a biological child from a previous marriage. The father told us he had felt the same way. He had the same concerns and he also had concerns for his biological daughter. She was about 10 years old if I remember correctly and he was concerned how an adoption might also affect her. He said he spoke to his daughter about no longer being an only child and she was excited to be a big sister and in fact had become a little mother hen to her little brother. He also stated he loved his son as much as he loved his daughter. There was no difference is his eyes between the two. They were both his children and he loved them equally.

I imagine this is a common thread of concern for many families and I also assume the outcome is oftentimes the same. The adopted child is loved and cared for no differently than the biological children. I have no personal experience with these issues. I wanted to blog about them anyway, because I felt it was an issue many adoptive families could face.

If you are a reader of this blog who has personal experience with this issue, feel free to comment and share your thoughts. I am certain others who are facing this issue would appreciate any first hand knowledge and advice you can provide.

Thanks for reading!
Anna