Birth Parents Will Take Them Back- NIAW Day 2

Even though Resolve.org only asked me to write one post during National Infertility Awareness Week and to participate in the Bust An Infertility Myth Challenge, I have decided to try and blog each day.  My reason is there are so many rumors, untruths, and myths floating around in the world about being infertile and adoption that I would like to do my part to put a few to rest.

Today's myth...birth parents will take their baby back.

False.  In most cases the birth parents would never want to.  They made an adoption plan.  They placed their child with an adoptive family of their choosing. They made a decision and signed legal documents cementing their decision.

We see children on the news being removed from their adoptive homes and thrust into a huge custody battle.  The reason those cases make the news is because they are dramatic. A step was skipped.  Court papers were never filed, documents were not signed, birth father was never notified.  They make the news because it is enticing.  It draws us in.  Those adoption stories are not the norm.

In many states, birth mothers have 48-72 hours after they deliver to sign their relinquishment papers.  They do not have to sign after 48-72 hours they may take days, weeks, and months to sign if they like.  They decide when to sign. They must be sure of their decision.

If birth parents are working with an agency, especially a good agency, they will attend counseling sessions pre and post placement.  The agency walks a fine line being there for the parents in waiting and being sure the needs of the birth parents are met.

After the waiting period has passed and relinquishment papers are signed it is extremely difficult to undo.  Generally, for a birth parent to undo their decision they must prove they were put under some sort of duress when they signed.

Finalization occurs several months later, the time frame varies from state to state.  In Oklahoma, adoptive parents must wait 6 months to officially finalize their child's adoption in court.  Although, we understand after relinquishment we are parents.

We have been asked, "do you worry they'll come back someday and want their child back?"  No.  We do not.  They chose us.  They signed the relinquishment documents because it was their decision to do so.  We finalized in court.  We are our children's parents forever.  Our kids may chose to meet their birth parents someday, but the meeting will be planned and the news cameras will probably not attend.

The next myth I will be busting...you can always just adopt.

1 comment:

It Is What It Is said...

Thank you and as a waiting parent I love this post. I've stumbled upon more than a few birth mother blogs where the birth mother puts forth what a sham placing their child was. There is bitterness and some anger. However, never does she say she wishes it were different, that she was parenting instead of having placed.

Very much looking forward to your next post.