Brotherly Love

Brice said, "It's just hide and seek Mom."

You cannot see him, but Rogan is being held captive under the storage tub.

Do not worry, little Rogan escaped unscathed.
Aw, brothers.

Adoption Conference

This email was received through an adoption list serv.  I have no other information about the conference other than this email.  If you are interested in attending, please see the contact information provided below.
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Adoption and the Family Conference - April 10, 2011 - NYC

The Conference Center
130 East 59th Street (between Park and Lexington Avenues) in New York City
Sunday, April 10, 2011 from 8:45 am – 5 pm

Ametz Adoption Program of JCCA is a licensed agency in New York and New Jersey. For over 27 years, Ametz has been helping singles and couples pursue domestic and international, step and second parent adoptions. Ametz's services include adoption homestudies, educational workshops and counseling. Ametz works with singles and couples of all religious and cultural backgrounds, in every stage of domestic, international, step and second parent adoptions. Ametz also offers professional training regarding adoption. The annual conference is the highlight of the year, when Ametz showcases its programs, collaborations, and resources throughout the adoption community. 

This year's conference begins with the KEYNOTE: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BUILDING YOUR FAMILY THROUGH ADOPTION, with Dina Rosenfeld, DSW, Director of the Undergraduate Social Work Program and Assistant Dean, NYU School of Social Work. Looking back on 30 years of work with more than 10,000 adoptive families, hear what a professional in the field has learned from those adopting and those living as adoptive families. Explore how past experiences influence your adoption and parenting journey as well as how to anticipate adoption lifecycle events, and strategies to enhance family relationships. 

Thirty (30) additional workshops cover everything you could want or need to know about adopting domestically or internationally, or living as an adoptive family. Speakers include Dr. Jane Aronson ("pediatrician to the stars"), Dr. Boris Gindis (expert in Russian and Chinese adoptions), Rebecca Harris (Joint Council on International Children's Services), Terry Boggis (Center Kids), Sam Pitkowsky (President, Adoptive Parents Committee -NYC), Ametz staff members, members of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys and representatives from adoption agencies, adult adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents. Hear which international adoption programs are open, the best way to develop relationships with birth parents, how to talk to your child and others about adoption, and more.

For additional information, to view the full schedule, to see presenter bios or to register, go to www.jccany.org/ametzconference.

Kathy Brodsky, LCSW 
Director, Ametz Adoption Program/JCCA 
120 Wall Street - NYC - NY - 10005 
212-558-9949 
www.jccany.org 
NY and NJ licensed agency 
Full Hague Accreditation through 2013

Asked and Answered

I get asked a lot of questions.  From time to time I am asked a question often enough I realize blog followers are possibly interested in knowing the answer.  When that happens, it generally turns into a blog post.

Recently, I have been asked several times about the "waiting children" posts and why we do not adopt one of the children listed.

First of all, never say never. Although, I post those listings with others in mind, I guess if the perfect post came along we might. If we cannot adopt those children, I try my best to reach someone who can.

So what are our reasons for not adopting through my posts, there are several.

1.  First and foremost, we are very loyal to our agency.  We have experienced two successful adoptions with Adoption Affiliates.  We know how they work.  We understand their processes and we have developed relationships with Adoption Affiliates staff members.  Adoption Affiliates is our adoption agency.

2.  Many of the children listed have special needs.  We have two boys.  Two boys who require a lot of time, attention, care and love.  We do not feel we would be the proper family to raise a special needs child and provide them with everything they deserve and require.

3.  Many of the children listed are 2 years or older.  Our boys are 2 years old and 5 years old.  We feel a newborn would fit into our family better than an older child. Already having children, we have to consider what is the best fit for our family without upsetting our current dynamic.

4.  Several of the waiting children I post are not in the United States.  Our experience with adoption has been through domestic adoption. We are familiar with domestic adoption.  A personal choice, domestic adoption was right for us.

We make our decisions based on what we believe would be in our families' best interest.  Whether you agree or disagree, these are our reasons.  I am very open about our experiences with adoption and the way we have chosen to build our family.  What we have chosen is not right for everyone, it is however right for us.

Waiting Children

I receive the following emails through an adoption list serv.  I do not have personal experience with the agencies or facilitators.  Please practice due diligence and research the postings.

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Kindergarten age children available immediately (see 0-5 and 6-11). All of these children have special needs, but some waiting families might want to consider adding a child this age with a manageable or correctable special need while you stay on the waiting list for a younger child.

http://waitingchildren.wordpress.com

Waiting Child

I receive the following emails through an adoption list serv.  I do not have personal experience with the agencies or facilitators.  Please practice due diligence and research the postings.

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This is an international placement, this baby girl does have a special need, you must be homestudy approved for special needs to apply for her and preferably USCIS approved, travel is required for both parents, total cost approx. 18K, serious inquiries only ages 25-47, thanks!!
See ASHLYNN

http://waitingchildren.wordpress.com/about/waiting-children-ages-0-5/

Missed Call Update

I spoke to the agency.

I called them.

Waiting is not my specialty.

Although you would think I would have become quite good at it by now.

They had a board meeting yesterday.  They had a question about Oklahoma legal work.

Brian is their local attorney.  They were calling to ask a legal question.

Bummer.

Heart palpitations are part of the adoption process.

We are back to normal heart rhythms again.  We are back to waiting.  In the mean time...

We're going to Disney World!

We are in the planning process to take the boys to see Mickey Mouse and the gang.  Although not as exciting as finding out we are adopting again, definitely something to look forward to.

Missed Call

We drove to Oklahoma City yesterday.  When we arrived home, I instinctively checked the missed calls on our home phone.  It is a habit I have developed since we became parents in waiting.  Our answering machine bit the dust a long time ago and we never replaced it, maybe we should.

We had a missed call.  A call from our adoption agency.  On a Sunday afternoon.  Why would they call on a Sunday afternoon?  They did not call our cell phones.  They have our cell phone numbers but they did not call them.  What could they want?  Do we need to update paperwork?  Have we been chosen again?

I called them back.  I spoke to the  answering service and left a message.  I was told they would return our call as soon as possible or during business hours today.  Nothing yet.

Dang caller id.

Missed calls can be torture.  Parents in waiting can take a missed call pretty seriously.  We can get ourselves all worked up over nothing.

Or maybe it's something....

PJ Day

Yesterday was pajama day at school.  Brice thought it was really cool to wear pj's to school.  He couldn't wait to show everyone his dino jammies.

Zoo Day

Rogan and I decided to go to the zoo today.  Apparently, no one else wanted to take advantage of the warm weather because we had the place to ourselves.  People were finally arriving as we were leaving, too bad because they missed out this morning. The animals were active and in view while they waited for their breakfasts to arrive. This was Rogan's first zoo day without his brother.  He did not seem to mind Brice's absence.

Treasure Hunt

It was 70 degrees here today.  Hard to believe less than 2 weeks ago I was writing this post.  The weather changes quick around here. Oklahomans always say if you don't like the weather, just wait for tomorrow.  It's true.

Although I do love the snow and I like to experience all the seasons. It was a nice change to have spring like weather today.  So we took advantage and headed out for a treasure hunt.  A treasure hunt to the boys means we grab a paper or Ziploc bag and fill it full of whatever we find.

Their treasures today included leaves, pine needles, rocks, sticks and even a worm which now lives in our flower pot.  A beautiful day for a treasure hunt.

You will notice Rogan is still showing off his fashion sense, cowboy boots and shorts.  It's even possible his boots are on the wrong feet.  I don't want to brag, but when I was his age I shared the same flare for fashion.

Celebrating Heritage

Often as adoptive parents our children are not of the same cultural heritage as us.  To learn more on your child's heritage and ideas on how to celebrate see these helpful resources:
TheAdoptionGuide.com
Adoptive Families
Families.com
iparenting.com

Nature vs. Nurture

Nature versus nurture is always a hot topic in the adoption world.  I do not have the answers.  I do however have an adopted 5 year old. Here is my conversation with Brice this morning...

Me:  Brice, hustle it up buddy we're running late.  Quit acting like a squirrel and get in the bath tub.


Brice:  (staring at me with a look of pure seriousness)  I am not a squirrel.  I'm Batman.

Sarcasm.  I believe he may have picked this up from his parents. Nurture.

As Brice and his dad were headed out the door this morning we said our goodbyes.

Brice: See ya squirrel!

More sarcasm.  Again, I believe this could be the by product of his father and I.  Nurture.

By no means am I suggesting I have the answers.  This post was merely for fun.  If you want real information on nature versus nurture, here are some links...
Nature & Nurture:  A New Look At How Families Work  
The Childhood Development Nature vs. Nurture Debate Continues
Nature vs. Nurture:  Twin and Adoption Studies

Grown In My Heart

Grown In My Heart is taking nominations for the 101 Best Adoption Blogs.  Go now and nominate your favorites.  Click here to vote!

9 Months

It has been nine months since we decided to adopt for the third time. It is hard waiting to adopt and when the "natural" waiting period passes we infertile myrtles always take notice.  If only we could have a baby in nine months like everyone else.  Pity party time.

In these past nine months, we have had a failed placement, we have passed on two other possible situations.

Our time will come, I keep telling myself.  The next Mitchell child has not find their way to us yet.

Come on baby, I'm tired of waiting!

Best Adoption Blogs

Visit the list of 50 Best Blogs for Adoption Advice!

Tax Credit FAQ Sheet

Creating a Family has added an adoption tax credit FAQ sheet to their website.  Click here for this helpful information.

You May Have Heard...

You may have heard we received some snow accumulation this week.
Most have been snowed in, their cars buried...

Well, we've been sick too.  We have however made the best of it all...

We have admired the snowfall and snow covered ground from the warmth of our home...

We have stayed in our jammies all day playing games and watching movies...

But enough is enough, we're buried up to our seats...

So we decided we'd bring the fun indoors...

We filled the bath tub with snow so the boys could play in it!

We are finally all on the mend and we are getting back into our groove.  We even grilled out in a blizzard...

Nothing can stop us from having fun, not even the worst snow in Oklahoma since 1912.

Dear Abby

On December 12th, 2010 an adult adoptee wrote an open thank you letter to his birth mother which was published by Dear Abby...

DEAR ABBY: I would like to say something to my mother, but the truth is I don't know who my biological mother is. I was adopted when I was a baby. I have looked for her online over the years, but have yet to find her. I have asked myself many times what I'd say to her if I met her. Because I know it may never happen, I'm asking you to print my message:
"Mama, I don't know the circumstances of my birth, and I don't really care. All I know is that two loving parents adopted me and helped to shape me into the person I am. Today I am a successful professional with a loving spouse and wonderful children, to whom I try to give the best. I imagine that is what you wanted to do for me. Therefore, I have decided that I don't really need to find you and say, 'Thank you. You made a good choice. I am doing fine and I love you.'" -- HER THANKFUL SON


DEAR THANKFUL SON: I hope one day your birth mother will be fortunate enough to meet you and you can say those words to her in person. One of the most difficult decisions a mother can make, but one of the most loving, is to place a child for adoption when she is unable to provide a stable upbringing for her baby. Most birth mothers long for a reunion. And for them, as well as for you, I am printing your letter.


In Response...


DEAR ABBY: As a birth mother, I must respond to the letter from "Her Thankful Son" (Dec. 12). Nearly 26 years ago, I gave up my own son for adoption. It was the most devastatingly painful thing I have ever had to do. But I loved him enough to let him go because I was in no position to raise him myself.  To the young man who wrote you, I say: "Thank you" -- from me and all the birth mothers who carry holes in our hearts from having to let our children go on to better lives without us. My greatest fear was always that my son would end up hating me and not understand why I let him go. This man's letter has given me hope. -- WENDY IN DELAWARE

DEAR WENDY: "Her Thankful Son" wrote an open letter to his unknown biological mom, expressing gratitude for the life his adoptive parents have provided. As it did with you, his letter resonated with many of my readers whose lives have been touched by adoption. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Thankful Son," I felt a sense of relief. I had a son when I was 16 and placed him for adoption because I knew I couldn't give him the life he deserved. I was determined that his adoption would not be in vain and that I would become a better person because of it. I consider myself to be a better mom now because of him.

My girls know they have a brother out there, but I have explained it's not for me to seek him. If he wants to find me I would be thrilled, but I realize I gave up my right to him when I made my decision. I have no regrets. I think of him often and wonder if he's OK.  Reading "Thankful's" letter comforted me. If it is God's will, I will meet my son one day. I feel he will be proud of me for making something of myself and giving him the opportunity for a successful life. -- BRENDA IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I am also an adopted child. From the time I was told at age 7, I wondered who my birth mother was and went through phases of anger and depression. I was blinded by my own ego and did not consider anything about her life.
When I was in my teens, a friend of mine became pregnant and was scared about what she was going to do. I lost touch with her shortly after and don't know what happened. I have since realized that my friend's situation could have also been my birth mother's. It changed my attitude, and I decided I'd like to meet her one day and tell her I care about her.
Several years later I got that opportunity, with help from my adoptive mom and a state agency. Meeting my birth mom and three younger brothers and sister was a very emotional moment for me, and I cherish it to this day. -- JAY IN MARYLAND

DEAR ABBY: You said you hoped "Thankful Son" could meet his birth mother. Why? As an adoptive mom of adult children, I feel just as happy not having the birth parents intervene in our lives.  

Could I handle it? Of course. If my children had a burning desire to find their birth parents, would it be OK? Absolutely. Am I curious, too? Certainly. But I don't think you should encourage a search. After all, these people are virtual strangers. They have different values and expectations, which all too often can lead to disappointment. At the very least, it's a weird experience. I think what adopted children really want to know is why they were given up and if they were loved. The answer to that last question, from this mom, is a resounding yes! -- THE "REAL" MOM IN MIAMI

DEAR "REAL" MOM: Why do I hope "Thankful Son" will one day be reunited with his birth mother? For two reasons: Many times the reunion brings both parent and child a sense of completion. It also provides an opportunity for the child to get a complete family medical history.


Source: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20101212

Adoption Grants

ParenthoodForMe.org  is now accepting applications for their  2011 grant cycle. Visit the website and read the FAQ for all requirements. Deadline for submissions is May 1, 2011.

Parenthood For Me | Grants

www.parenthoodforme.org

How To Find An Adoption Attorney

How do I find an adoption attorney?  I have been contacted and asked this question many times.  There are many websites you can use to find a reputable lawyer.  I would recommend the following.

Super Lawyers - Super Lawyers is searchable by practice area and location.  Super Lawyers are identified and rated by their peers as preeminent in their field.

American Bar Association - Locate the contact information for your local bar association.  Your bar association will most likely have a referral list of adoption attorneys.

Martindale-Hubbell - Attorneys listed with Martindale-Hubbell are rated and reviewed by their peers.   You can search attorneys by location and practice area.

American Academy of Adoption Attorneys- AAAA is a national association of adoption attorneys.  The member directory can be used to locate an attorney near you.

It is common for attorneys to provide an initial consult for free.  Use the initial consult as an opportunity to meet and interview potential lawyers.  Also, I would contact local adoption agencies, advocacy groups, and adoptive parents to ask for their recommendations.  It is important to do your research to locate a lawyer who will put your needs first.  Adoption is a costly endeavor and legal fees should be kept to a minimum.  I would ask any attorney you interview whether they bill on an hourly basis or a flat fee.  A flat fee may be negotiable and more cost effective for you.

You will want to verify your attorney has successfully completed adoptions in the past and will be able to assure you proper paperwork will be filed and completed providing you peace of mind.  Finding a good attorney may require time and research on your part.  It will be well worth the effort.

And Here It Is...

A blackout won't stop them.  Happy Groundhog Day from my parents (aka Grandma & Chuck) to their only daughter.
*If you are unaware why I am tormented by my parents every Groundhog Day, you should start here.

I can’t quite put my finger on it.

But there is something strange going on.

There’s something different but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

Did you ever have the feeling you were being watched?

There seems to be defiance in the air.

It’s kind of a Godfather like feeling.

But don’t you worry; Chuck has got your back.

Aren’t family traditions GREAT!

Happy Groundhog Day!