Here's A Tip!

As I was preparing my children's bath tonight I thought, why don't I share this helpful tip with readers of my blog?  I have told many people over the last two years and it has always seemed to help.  Why not spread the word a little further?

Our youngest, Rogan has sensitive skin.  He gets diaper rash so badly he cannot bare a diaper change.  When he was an infant someone recommended Triple Paste to me and oatmeal baths.  It works.  I tell ya it works!

One half of an Aveeno fragrance free oatmeal packet (there is a "just for babies" version but I use the regular) and slather on the Triple Paste and it will be gone in a few days.  Please know, I do not in any way, shape or form get paid by either of these products.  I am a mother who has found they work.  They work well.

I have recommended the treatment to friends and family who have tried every paste and treatment they know and the Triple Paste / oatmeal bath combo has gotten the job done.  So, I thought I should pass it on to as many as I can because it could help someone else.

So there you go.

 

Adopt? Now You'll Get Pregnant- NIAW Day 5

Today is the last day for me to blog for Resolve.org's Bust An Infertility Myth during National Infertility Awareness Week.  I have received a lot of feedback from my posts and I have gained a few new followers.  Thank you all for reading AM2.

Today's myth "You're adopting?  Now you'll get pregnant."

If you tell someone that you are adopting it is not uncommon for the next words out of their mouth to be "oh, now you'll get pregnant."

Oh, I hope not.  I do not want to go through another miscarriage.  We have made the decision to adopt and to end our efforts to have biological children. Getting pregnant is no longer on our agenda.

I know when people say this they only mean to be kind.  Although if you look at it from our point of view, it is not very helpful.  We have suffered much loss and disappointment in our efforts to conceive.  We have reached a point where we have decided to pursue a different path.  Our hearts are content with our decision and we are ready to move forward.

Sometimes it happens.  Every so often a pregnancy will occur after initiating an adoption.  For whatever reason a couple is able to finally conceive but that's not how it generally works.  For most of us we have accepted our infertility and we have moved on.

If you want to tell an infertile who has just announced they are adopting something encouraging, try "I hope you are blessed soon! Congratulations". That's what we want to hear.

Infertility

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Save A Child- Adopt! Day 4 NIAW

National Infertility Awareness Week continues into day 4 of the week and I have chosen the myth...People adopt to "save a child".  I have already touched on my feelings about this in previous posts, including yesterday's post.

We did not adopt to "save a child".  Our reasons were much more selfish.  We chose to adopt because we wanted to be parents. We sought a path to form our family.  We wanted kids.

In the adoption triad; if you are unfamiliar with that term it means the three sided relationship (adoptee, birth parents, adoptive parents) in adoption.  Within the adoption triad if you needed to place the title of savior on anyone it would be the birth mother.

The birth mother saved her child.  She chose life.  She chose to place her child with a family instead of having an abortion.  She held her baby's life in her hands.  She decided to carry and care for a baby within her for nine months knowing in the end she would leave empty handed. She decided to give her child life even if it wasn't with her. Savior, not us, we are the ones who reap the rewards of her decision.

She saved us too.  She saved us from being a childless couple.  She filled a hole in our hearts and our lives.  She chose us and made us parents.  We will be forever grateful.

Infertility

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Tomorrow's myth..."as soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant".

Just Adopt!-NIAW Day 3

Continuing with Day 3 of National Infertility Awareness Week and Resolve.org's Bust A Myth Challenge...today's myth "you can always just adopt".  I actually addressed this myth in a post at the beginning of the year.  I have taken the easy way out today and I will be reposting my post from January.  


It is frustrating when someone tells an infertile family "you can always just adopt".  As if it were that easy.  Adoption is not a decision to be taken lightly and it is not for everyone.  Infertile families are sometimes made to feel they are being selfish by not saving the "many children in need of a home."

I have wanted to say to that person "why don't you quit having biological children then and start adopting?".  You know, because it's so easy and there are children to be saved.

As adoptive parents, we are not out to save the world's children.  We are becoming parents to a child who was provided an opportunity better than the one their birth family could provide.  I am not speaking of third world orphans. I cannot speak to adopting a child from such a predicament.  I can only speak for adopting domestically via an agency because that is all I have experienced.

My children were not destined for a life of malnourishment, malaria, and neglect. They would have been loved and cared for by their birth mothers but they would not been afforded the life and opportunities we are able to provide. Their birth mothers would not have been able to accomplish the goals they had for an education and a better life for themselves had they parented.  The birth mothers made a choice for their children, an unselfish choice in their child's best interest.  Lucky me.  I became a parent because of their decision.

I will never tell someone you should just adopt. Adoption is not right for everyone, for many reasons.  We chose not to pursue fertility treatments, IVF, or surrogacy.  Those options were not the right ones for us. We had our own personal reasons for not choosing them.  I believe seeking out your path to parenthood is a very personal choice and subject to each persons own issues and beliefs. 

When I hear someone say "you should just adopt."  It makes me think of someone telling you "you should just be a Baptist." Adoption and religion are personal choices, for personal reasons. No one can tell you what is right for you. 

Infertility

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Tomorrow's myth..."people adopt to save a child".

Birth Parents Will Take Them Back- NIAW Day 2

Even though Resolve.org only asked me to write one post during National Infertility Awareness Week and to participate in the Bust An Infertility Myth Challenge, I have decided to try and blog each day.  My reason is there are so many rumors, untruths, and myths floating around in the world about being infertile and adoption that I would like to do my part to put a few to rest.

Today's myth...birth parents will take their baby back.

False.  In most cases the birth parents would never want to.  They made an adoption plan.  They placed their child with an adoptive family of their choosing. They made a decision and signed legal documents cementing their decision.

We see children on the news being removed from their adoptive homes and thrust into a huge custody battle.  The reason those cases make the news is because they are dramatic. A step was skipped.  Court papers were never filed, documents were not signed, birth father was never notified.  They make the news because it is enticing.  It draws us in.  Those adoption stories are not the norm.

In many states, birth mothers have 48-72 hours after they deliver to sign their relinquishment papers.  They do not have to sign after 48-72 hours they may take days, weeks, and months to sign if they like.  They decide when to sign. They must be sure of their decision.

If birth parents are working with an agency, especially a good agency, they will attend counseling sessions pre and post placement.  The agency walks a fine line being there for the parents in waiting and being sure the needs of the birth parents are met.

After the waiting period has passed and relinquishment papers are signed it is extremely difficult to undo.  Generally, for a birth parent to undo their decision they must prove they were put under some sort of duress when they signed.

Finalization occurs several months later, the time frame varies from state to state.  In Oklahoma, adoptive parents must wait 6 months to officially finalize their child's adoption in court.  Although, we understand after relinquishment we are parents.

We have been asked, "do you worry they'll come back someday and want their child back?"  No.  We do not.  They chose us.  They signed the relinquishment documents because it was their decision to do so.  We finalized in court.  We are our children's parents forever.  Our kids may chose to meet their birth parents someday, but the meeting will be planned and the news cameras will probably not attend.

The next myth I will be busting...you can always just adopt.

Infertility

National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Unwanted Babies Available- Infertility Awareness Week

This week I was asked to participate in Resolve.org's Bust An Infertility Myth Challenge.  Participating bloggers choose an infertility myth and blog about it sometime during this week.  Infertility awareness week.  I have decided to try and Bust a Myth each day.

Today, I chose to blog about the myth there are many unwanted babies available for domestic adoption.  Untrue.  Totally false.  Couldn't be farther from the truth.  Here's the facts and a little bit of information from our own experiences...

A birth parent loves and yearns to be with their baby.  Most birth parent(s) wish to raise their babies and provide them with anything and everything their children could ever want and/or need. They became birth families by coming to the decision that the best life their child could live is not with them but with another family.  A family they chose specifically for their child.

As adoptive parents, we realize these truths.  We know our child(ren)'s birth parent(s) loved them and we saw them agonize over their decision. We watched their hearts break as we became the parents of their babies.

I have never cried so much as to watch our sons' birth families tell them goodbye and to whisper I love you while telling them they will have a better life. My heart broke into a million pieces watching our boys' birth parents leave without their babies in their arms.

I have never experienced so much guilt.  I felt guilty knowing they made such an unselfish decision to allow me to be their child's parent.  They gave us a gift we can never repay.  They were not drug addicted, heartless, selfish people. They were kind, sweet, unselfish and mature enough to make a decision so difficult most of us cannot fathom.

The stereotype of all birth mothers are crack addicts, promiscuous, and poverty stricken is not true.  The stereotype that all birth fathers are one night mishaps who are never seen again is also not true.

As adoptive parents we will have many opportunities to dispel rumors.  I cannot count on all my fingers and toes how many times someone has said, "you saved your boys" or "they are so lucky to have someone to love them".  Our kids are still loved by their birth parent(s).  We did not save them.  We were chosen for them.  We were placed together because we were meant to be a family.

If you would like to take this week to put a few rumors to rest, to bust a few myths then visit Resolve.org and chose a myth to blog about or pick your own.  Tomorrow I will be busting the myth...birth parent(s) may take their child back.

Infertility
National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW)

Our Family Has Grown...

We added to our family this weekend.
We didn't get the call.
We made a call.  A call to a family for a little puppy for our boys.

Our dog Maggie is getting old and doesn't like to play with the boys.  She prefers to spend her days lying in front of the door soaking in the sun rays.  But she seems to like Maizey.  She's been wagging her tale and letting the puppy run through her legs.

So the Easter Bunny brought a puppy.  A little puppy we named Maizey Lulu Mitchell.

She's dang cute.

Her momma was a basset hound.  The daddy...well they're not sure but they think it might have been the coon hound who lives at the house behind them.

We probably just signed on for a howling mess of a dog.

But she is adorable and the boys are in love with her.

How could we not?

I Don't Eat Dogs

We do not send a sack lunch with Brice to preschool.  He is a picky eater and we decided he needed to broaden his horizons by eating with his friends and being exposed to new foods.   The idea has somewhat worked.  He has started to eat a few new foods.

Last week the school served hot dogs.  Brice refused to eat anything.  He told his teacher he was not going to eat.  Each time she suggested he take a bite, he said, "huh uh, no way."

Ms. Stacy did not force the issue and made sure to tell me he did not eat lunch. I made him something to eat when we got home.

I asked Brice why he would not eat with his friends.  He said, "I don't eat dogs."

Kids love hot dogs I told him.  He responded, "huh uh, I don't eat dogs.  I don't eat Maggie dogs."

What?!

I tried to explain that hot dogs are food.  Hot dogs are okay to eat. Hot dogs are not made from real dogs.  They are not made from dogs like our beloved pet Maggie.

"Mom, no way.  No thank you!", Brice said.

Alright.

Brice wins.

No hot dogs.

Our Infertility Story

I have received a few emails recently asking about our struggle with infertility.  I thought it might be time to repost our story. Here you go...

12/1/09
So What's Wrong With You?

As discussed in a previous post Being The Infertile One, I revealed that our inability to have children was my fault.  Due to the fact that I am the cause of our infertility, I am often asked, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you have kids?"

MTHFR, or that is all the doctor's could come up with.  It is a rare genetic defect.  It is the genetic defect that doctors have used to try and explain my inability to carry a pregnancy to term.  I usually just tell people when they ask why I can't have biological children "I'm a genetic mutant".  If they know me well enough, they usually respond, "oh, well that explains a lot."  Sarcasm.  It's just my way of dealing with what life hands you.

I'm not a doctor.  I do not understand medical terminology. I can however do my best to explain to you what MTHFR is.  MTHFR stands for Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase .  Whew!  That's a mouthful.  Many people do not even realize they carry the defective gene until they have had several pregnancy losses.  In my case, I had five early term miscarriages. Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase is the name of the gene that produces an enzyme by the same name.  The mutation of this gene can inhibit the production of this enzyme and create elevated homocysteine levels.  When the body is deficient in Methylenetetrahydrofolate Reductase it becomes unable to absorb folic acid and certain B vitamins.  As most know, folate and Vitamin B are essential in healthy fetal development.  

There are two types of MTHFR gene mutations heterozygous and homozygous. Homozygous being the most problematic and of course the type of mutation I have.  All this being said, MTHFR mutations are an unproven cause of miscarriages and continue to be researched and debated.  MTHFR can be treated, but in my personal situation, treatment was not guaranteed and the risks for certain birth defects was too high.

To make a long and difficult to understand story short, I was sick of being poked and prodded with instruments and needles.  I had more vials of blood drawn from my body than I care to ever count.  The doctors told me I could continue to get pregnant, certain drugs and supplements could possibly help, but I would likely miscarry again.  They also told me I would run a higher risk for many birth defects, preeclampsia, blood clots, and stillbirth.  I didn't want to continue to take the risk.  I didn't want to have another miscarriage.  I was tired.  I was emotionally and physically spent.  I felt like a lab rat.

In the end, we weighed our options to continue or to look into adoption.  Brian and I made the decision to pursue adoption.  We felt it was the best decision for us.  We have never looked back.  Our lives have been blessed and our hopes for parenthood fulfilled.

If you would like more information on MTHFR visit:

http://www.pregnancy-info.net/mthfr.html 

http://miscarriage.about.com/od/thrombophiliadisorders/i/mthfr.htm

http://circ.ahajournals.org/cgi/content/full/111/19/e289

Warmer Weather

How do I know spring has arrived?
Every night we have to forcefully drag our boys inside.

Each night our bath tub has a ring of dirt about an inch think.

You can hear the song of the ice cream truck each afternoon and the sidewalk looks like this.

He is working on his boot tan line.

Yep the warmer weather has arrived and we are taking full advantage of it.

Deciphering Adoption Acronyms

Adoption posts can be overloaded with acronyms.  I found this helpful post on adoption.com and thought it was so helpful it should be passed on.  If you need help deciphering all those acronyms keep reading...

Adoption.com

May 31st, 2007

Posted By: Kelly

When you’re reading a child’s profile, their case history or a discussion on a forum, it can seem like Greek, oralphabet soup. Some of the acronyms are very easy and don’t require much explanation. Others you will want to thoroughly research.

Here’s an example:

My FD was just diagnosed with RAD and PTSD. We want to take her to an AT, but can’t find one near us. The TPR has not been done yet, so we’re not sure if we can do it.

AA = African American or Adoption Assistance

ADHD = Attention Deficit Hyperactivity disorder. ADD is the same thing minus the hyperactivity.

ASD = Autism Spectrum disorder

AT = Attachment therapy or attachment therapist

BM = Some people use this as an abbreviation for birth mother although it is being used less and less because of the derogatory connotation it can receive with bowel movement sharing the same abbreviation

BP = Bi-Polar disorder

BPD = Borderline Personality disorder

CD = Conduct disorder

CP = Cerebral Palsy

CW or SW = Case worker or Social worker

DD = Developmentally delayed

DD, DS, or DH = Dear daughter, Dear son or Dear husband, although the “D” can sometimes mean other things

FAS = Fetal alcohol syndrome, may be listed as FAE for fetal alcohol effects

FD and FS = Foster daughter or Foster son

GAD = Generalized Anxiety disorder

ICPC = Interstate Compact on the Placing of Children

IEP = Individualized Education Plan

LD = Learning disabilities

MR = mentally retarded or mildly retarded

NOS = No Other Symptoms, this is usually used in conjunction with another disorder, such as PDD NOS

OCD = Obsessive Compulsive disorder

ODD = Oppositional defiant disorder

PDD = Pervasive Developmental disorder

PTSD = Post traumatic stress disorder

R/O = Rule out – this can be a tricky one. While it says rule out, it is considered a diagnosis. This means that the child presents with the symptoms of the disorder, but they’re not 100% sure that’s what it is.

RAD = Reactive attachment disorder, may be listed as just AD

RTC = Residential Treatment Center

SBS = Shaken Baby syndrome

SID = Sensory integration disorder

SSI = Social Security Income

TPR = Termination of parental rights

WIC = Women, Infants, and Children Program

Are there other acronyms that I’ve missed that you’re wondering about? I will try to explain some of the more complicated ones in future blogs.

To learn more about some of the acronyms or disorders, go theAdoption.com glossary.

Home Study Update

In Oklahoma, home studies are good for one year.  Our year is nearly up.  We were contacted by our agency a week or so ago asking for us to schedule a time for an update.

The update is no big deal.  Really it isn't.  The agency social worker will come to our home and sit down with us for a few minutes and ask a few questions.  Have we had any major changes since our home study?  Employment change? Illnesses?  Financial changes?  Stuff like that.  Afterward she will go on her merry way and update our paperwork in what I am sure will not take too much time out of her life.

As for us it only serves as a reminder.  A reminder that we are still waiting. Another year has passed.  As for me, I keep hearing the tick tock tick tock loud and clear in my ear.  The wait continues..

Tornado Season

It's spring time in Oklahoma which means Tulsa is coming to life with blooming Bradford pear trees, redbuds, daffodils, tulips and azaleas.  Unfortunately it also means the onslaught of sleepless nights as tornado watches and warnings begin.

I used to sleep soundly and loved to sleep during a thunderstorm...then I became a mom.

I cannot sleep through storms anymore because I worry we will not hear the sirens and therefore will not reach the boys in time to get them to safety, as safe as we can be hunkered down in my closet.

I become a little obsessive during this time of year.  I follow all the normal precautionary measures:  change the batteries in the weather radio and flashlights, fix a "tornado box" filled with bottled water, batteries and first aid kit, but I go a little further.  I get out our bicycle helmets.

I know, I'm an overprotective lunatic of a mother.

Here's my common sense approach to this lunacy.  Most tornado deaths are caused by flying debris.  Having the boys wear their bicycle helmets while we are taking shelter in my closet makes sense to me.  Keeping their heads/brains covered, keeps them safer.  At least I think so.

We have weathered many storms since living in Oklahoma.  Luckily, **knock on wood** we have never had a touch down near our home.

About 5 years ago there was storm damage about 2 miles south of our home. Brice was an infant (too small to wear a bicycle helmet) and the storm hit during the day while Brian was at work.  I clicked Brice into his infant carrier (again my thinking was if we get hit he was safer in his infant carrier/car seat) and we got in my closet.  The sirens sounded, the lights flickered, and I laid over his carrier. I thought my time as a mommy was going to be short lived. Fortunately, our area was spared.

So, this time of year makes me a little antsy.  We are ready though.  Helmets in hand.  Currently under a tornado watch until 10 p.m.

Contest Closed and the Winners Are...

The winners were chosen using Random.org

The first winner is our second commenter...

Laura,  April 11, 2011 8:34 AM  

Why I need it? We have two boys - both adopted domestically through open adoptions. We are paper ready for #3. In the meantime we are interim parents through our agency to newborns between their birth and placement in their adoptive families. We are walking advertisements for adoption and eager to share our story with anyone who will listen. We love how we have been blessed through adoption and how God uses us in so many other placements.

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:2Powered by RANDOM.ORG

The second winner is the 15th commenter...

hope like fireworks,  April 12, 2011 7:39 PM  

aaah! i'm last minute entering! i'd love to win a copy! the hubs and i just received our foster/adopt license in the mail and i need to add to what i've already read as we continue our journey towards familyhood

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:15Powered by RANDOM.ORG

The final winner was the 10th commenter...

Laura,  April 12, 2011 7:07 AM  
As I soon to be first time adoptive parent and single mother I would love to win a copy. I can use all the help I can get :c)
I'm adopting from Honduras which has been a wonderful journey, but challenging. For those of us adopting from the less common countries there aren't any dedicated books, culture programs, or other resources, which makes books like this are even more important to us.
Thanks for doing this!

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:10Powered by RANDOM.ORG

I need the two Lauras and Hope Like Fireworks to send me their contact information at adoptivemomma2@yahoo.com.  Congratulations!  Thanks everyone for participating and thanks to Adam Pertman for giving me the opportunity to review his book!!