I thought I had dealt with my infertility. I was pretty sure I was so over it. I wrote about it here and here. I think I might have been wrong or maybe I just relapsed. I went to my cousin's baby shower this weekend. She talked about the baby rolling around and having the hiccups and how weird it felt. I was jealous. I heard all the moms at the baby shower share their birth stories, I had nothing to add. I know I am blessed with my boys and I could not have "made" more perfect babies for me. It still stings a little. I guess it always will. It's pretty easy to feel like you are over it until it is right under your nose. Do I want to experience labor? No, not really, I mean ouch. Do I want to feel my baby inside of me? Yea a little.
So when I was away from all my family I shed a few tears. After feeling sorry for myself I came home and we took the boys to the playground. Sadness be gone. I am one lucky mom! I guess I may always ride this roller coaster. I hope eventually I get a little better at it.
4 comments:
I know how you feel ... I think I have it all being blessed with two little girls and then someone tells me they're pregnant ... I've heard you never completely get over not having given birth to a child ... it's more about how you cope day to day ...
I'm glad you were able to come home to your perfect little boys and take them to the park! I think it is normal to want to experience feeling them move around you but I'm with you, no thank you to labor!
I honestly hope for the day when you don't even think about it anymore... You are one lucky mama, but it's still OK to ache a bit for the things you couldn't have. Keep the oreos near by, just in case! All my love...
I've had 3 pregnancies, and they were all wonderful. And now knowing I won't be able to have anymore, so so bittersweet seeing others being able to begin the pregnancy journey. Happy for them, but also wishful that I could do it just once more. It doesn't take away what our daughter will be, but I would have tried to appreciate the last one just a bit more.
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