Why not foster adopt? I have been asked this question several times and my answer is we looked into adopting through the foster care system and were discouraged from pursuing it. When we decided adoption was our way to a family, our first call was to child services. We spoke to a social worker and she told us the goal of the foster care program was to reunite biological families. She stated the foster care system does their best to place a child back into their biological family and only looks into adoption as a last resort. We were told our chances of having a child placed with us that would be available for adoption was slim to none. The social worker suggested if we were set on adoption we needed to seek another path.
We were somewhat surprised by this conversation. We absolutely understand families should be reunited whenever possible, but we believe that is not always in the best interest of a child. I have to say, I have sense spoken to many adoptive families who successfully adopted through the foster care system and would do it again and again. I am not against the foster care system but I do believe we are not the right family to become a foster family.
After deciding not to foster adopt, we proceeded with our home study and continued to explore our options for adoption. During our home study the social worker conducting the study suggested an adoption agency she felt would be a good match for us. We contacted the agency and 5 months later Brice was here. I guess, we found the right path.
6 comments:
I don't want you to think I'm copying you but I have a post in the works and it is about this very exact same thing. A fellow blogger wanted to know why we changed our mind about foster to adopt because she saw it in my time line. I emailed her back and then decided to blog about it.
Like you guys, we were told the same thing. Foster care is all about reuniting families and they told us if adoption was our goal then foster care wasn't meant for us.
Great post!
Great post! Thanks for writing it. I get this question a lot too.
Hi! I am an adoptive mom of 2 via foster care. My sister adopted her sons via foster care, as well as my sister-in-law. (Adoption runs in our family ;))
Reading this post made me kind of sad, if only because it doesn't paint (what I perceive to be) a full picture of foster care adoption (fost-adopt). I can't and won't dispute your statement that the purpose of foster care is to reunify families. In many situations the parents are able to follow their case plan and reunify. All the better for that family. For those children whose parents are not up to the task - for whatever reason are unable to comply - there is a safety net in place. Going in, we were told this was the highest risk form of adoption because we would grow attached and love children that may not be with us for very long - but in our case we found ourselves wondering how opening up our home and loving a child that needs us for however long is a no-lose proposition, no matter how painful the outcome is for us. We encountered bumps in the road, but had a really positive experience, as did both our sisters. It is not the easiest thing to do (but if you're choosing adoption, it's not like you're asking for the easy route, am I right?!) but shame on anyone, especially a social worker, for discouraging it.
That said, I realize it's not for everyone - and I respect any family that chooses any form of adoption.
I know I'm not your favorite poster..sorry about that....but I guess I'm just sad that reuniting families isn't considered the best option in everyone's eyes.
Just my two cents.
And no, before I get jumped on, I do recognize that there are certainly circumstances where it's not in the best interest of the child to be returned to their families...but that doesn't mean that it should be ruled out.
Christina - she didn't say reuniting families wasn't the best option out there. Just that foster to adopt was not right for her family.
The foster care system is a different animal from the adoption system in my mind. Yes, you can adopt from foster care but that is not it's purpose.My parents fostered for years. It is definitely not for everyone - being a foster parent takes a special kind of person.
Open adoption or even semi-open adoption allows for all the families to be involved (on varying levels) in each other lives. The intent is different - adoption's intent is not to give the child back to the biological family as is the intent of foster care system.
As a foster parent of about twenty kids and foster/adopt mom to 4, as well as birth mom to 2,I say, to each his own! What a great topic to discuss.
When we became foster parents it was because we wanted to adopt older children, no babies, so it worked for us. We did have one from the time she was 8 months old, but it took us 8 years to finalize adoption. Long story short, in some ways it would have been nice to take a child home without all the strings attached.
Let's keep in mind, however, that there are plenty of older children who are legally free, floundering in foster care, and waiting for a family. If you've got room in your heart, check into it. Great way to change the world-one child at a time.
Here's a link to a story on my blog about my oldest son...and how he came to us at nine years old after ten families. He's come so far. :-) http://www.myhandbasket.com/?p=92
Thanks for the topic!
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