When you decide to adopt it is a decision that is not entered into lightly. Adoptive parents sort through many questions and concerns. Having concerns and fears about the adoption process, pending parenthood, and your future child is common. We had fears and concerns such as:
1. Will we ever be chosen? During the waiting period you feel like you will never be chosen. You may go over your adoption profile in your head again and again thinking about what you could have and should have done differently.
2. How are we going to afford this? Adoption is costly and financial stress is a part of the process. You live frugally, cut expenses, or take out a loan to be able to afford adoption.
3. Will I bond immediately with my child? Turns out we did, but that is not always the case. When handed your baby you may not instantly feel a connection. It is normal if that occurs. I have even heard of mothers who have biological children not feel an instant connection. Older children may not take to you initially. Older children already have personality traits, behaviors, and their own opinions you will have to take time to get to know each other.
4. Will I be a good parent? Like a fish out of water, that is what I felt like at first. I babysat and had been around babies and children but parenthood is different. As we left the hospital, Brian and I looked at each other and said, I cannot believe they let us leave with him. Are we responsible enough to handle this? It is a strange anxious feeling suddenly being responsible for another life.
As time goes on your fears and concerns become manageable, you are chosen to parent, you become a good parent, you love your child, finances work themselves out, it all comes together. You learn the ropes and by the time the second child comes you have assembled a brand new set of fears and concerns to conquer.
3 comments:
We felt all of those fears as you just can't help it. But...it all seems to work out in the end. Gotta have faith.
Hopefully you'll get more confident and begin to be able to ask some questions about whether things are right for a child who has been traumatised and how best you can assist him in future to get access to his birth records and meet his biological families.
We have all of our sons' birth records, adoption records and court records. If and when they decided to search for their biological family members we have everything they need to begin their search.
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