Adoptive Grandparents

Our parents visit our home a lot.  We spend most weekends with either my parents or Brian's. The boys are very close to their grandparents. Grandparents can be the slowest members of a family to come around and accept adoption.  Definitely not the case in our families, but it can be a common occurrence.  Unfortunately, I was unable to find a lot of information written for adoptive grandparents.  I have however, assembled some of my own thoughts.  Please remember this is only advice, I am certainly not an expert and only share from my own experience.  If you are an adoptive grandparent...

1.  Support the parents.  Find out why they have chosen to adopt and support their decision.

2.  If your grandchild is of a different race or religious background, you may have to work through your personal feelings and issues.  You certainly do not want to cause conflict in your family.  Adoption has provided you with a child who will love you and deserves to be loved in return.

3.  Spend time with your grandchild, bond with them and form a connection.

4.  Announce your grandchild's arrival as you would any of your biological grandchildren.  Share photos with your friends.

5.  Many people will be curious and ask personal questions.  Answer them politely, give them generic answers, and use proper adoption language.  If you know your grandchild's personal background, it is not necessary to share.  That story belongs to your grandchild and should not be shared with just anyone.

6.  Biology is not required to pass along family history.

7.  Do not treat an adopted child any differently than your biological grandchildren.  Certainly, do not refer to them as your adopted grandchild.  It will make them feel excluded, different, or less important.

Our parents were as excited as we were about the arrival of our boys. The family joke was we needed a timer set so everyone was able to hold the babies an equal amount of time.  We had so much company at our house we had to buy more towels and sheets.  Bonding with the boys was never an issue.  They held them, fed them, bathed them, changed their diapers, and got up with us in the middle of the night. When Rogan remained in the hospital after he was born they were there. When the adoptions were finalized they traveled to be there.  Our parents wrote notes to the birth parents to be included in our adoption profiles explaining their excitement and desire to be grandparents.  We are thankful to be so blessed.  

When a person becomes a grandparent it should not matter if a child arrives biologically or through adoption.  If you have issues with adoption seek the help and/or support you may need.  Find an adoption support group, seek counseling with your religious leader, ask the adoptive parents for information about adoption and learn all you can.  Your family has been blessed with a child to love.