As I told you before here, we said no the first time the agency called us with a potential adoption match. Well, we actually said no a second time too before we were ever parents. I know, I know, we wanted a baby so badly but we kept turning them down what was our problem? We felt we had to make sure a situation was right for us and we did not feel the first two opportunities were the right time to say yes.
Here's the story of our second chance to adopt:
A client of Brian's had an acquaintance with an infant daughter. I believe her daughter was approximately 9 months old, and the mother thought she needed to make an adoption plan. Brian's client knew we were looking into adoption and he felt the situation may be right for us. It was not.
The young mother had many personal issues she was attempting to work through and she was working hard to get her life back on the right path. We met her and Brian's client for dinner one evening. She was a lovely person but it was evident she was not ready to make an adoption plan. Her plan was to co-parent her child. She very much wanted to let her daughter live with a family but she did not seem ready to let someone else parent her daughter. It was an awkward and somewhat uncomfortable dinner date.
We left dinner that evening feeling the young mother was somewhat confused about adoption. She had a lot of ideas of how she wanted her daughter raised and what she wanted her to be exposed to. It was almost as if she was looking for a nice home for her daughter to live in and for financial support but she wanted to maintain the role as parent.
At that time, we were unfamiliar and unknowledgeable about the adoption process. If we met that young lady today, we would have recommended someone to counsel her. I would have also probably put her in touch with birth mothers who might have been able to educate her on what it is like to make an adoption plan.
Unfortunately, we do not know what happened to the young mother and her daughter. We wished we might have been able to help her but the situation was not a right fit. It was our understanding Brian's client assisted her and her daughter in getting a place to live. After that, Brian's client lost contact with her as well. I wish we had a more positive ending to this story and we hope and pray it all worked out for her and her child.
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4 comments:
Thank you for sharing this. You have so many helpful stories to tell! We had a couple of placements fall through, for various reasons, so I can relate there.
A friend of mine is trying to adopt right now, I'm going to send her over to your blog. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Rachel!
You're right, it sounds like she did not have a deep understanding of all adoption/relinquishment entails. Oh my goodness, can you imagin how tragic it would have been for her if someone agreed to adopt her child, but she did not have a full understanding of what that meant? A lifetime of heartache all for a lack of understanding. Good for you for not letting that strooong desire to be a mama cloud your judgement. :)
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