Brian and I have cousins who are pregnant. As only children, cousins are the closest we get to siblings. My cousin is due to have a girl in April. She and her husband live within minutes of my parents. We are close and see them often. Brian's cousin is due in August. We are close to her and her husband as well. Both couples are expecting their first baby and I could not be happier for them, I really mean that, I could not be happier.
It took me a while to feel that way. It is much easier now that I have my boys. Does it make me have a wee bit of baby fever? Honestly, yes it does. Wanting another baby is entirely different than being jealous of another's actual pregnancy. I no longer ache to experience pregnancy.
How did I over come it? I do not know for sure. I have a couple of theories. One, I was in the delivery room for Rogan's birth and I have to tell you we adoptive mothers should be thankful. I am thankful I saw him come into the world, but I am also thankful I did not go through labor and birth. My second theory is simple, we have our two sons. Had we been able to have biological children there would be no Brice or Rogan. I know they were meant to be our children. I truly believe we were unable to have biological children because Rogan and Brice were already ours.
Trust me, I have not always been so okay with it all. Another cousin of mine and his wife have three beautiful children. A son who is older than Brice; Rogan was born between their other two. When she was 4 or 5 months pregnant with their oldest son we were at a family wedding. I was actually pregnant too, for the second time I believe. They were blessed with their son and I miscarried. At that time I did not understand it was not my time to become a mother.
I am completely over the jealousy at this point. We all have or will soon have families. They were not all formed in the same way. Ours came together a little differently than theirs. Now I am grateful all of our children are so close in age. I hope we are all able to vacation together as our parents did and that our children will be as close are we were and still are.
2 comments:
I wish I could take a cue from you. The infertility thing is so new for me that I still feel that sting of jealousy when someone I know get's effortlessly pregnant. I don't want to feel that way, but I do... I feel like even if I can get pregnant, I'll always be a little irritated that it is so much easier for someone else. It feels so silly thinking that, but it's true.
Hopefully when I do get mine (biological or adopted - whatever the plan may be) I'll be able to be as zen about the whole thing as you are now, because I do not like feeling jealous.
I also feel that if we didn't adopt we wouldn't have had the children we were to have. I don't get the pangs of jealousy anymore when I know someone got pregnant, but I do get a little of the poor me syndrome. I still have to come to terms with the never being pregnant and feeling a baby inside me. I, too, have been at 2 of my 5 children's births, and I so admire our sweet birthmoms for the pain they suffered on my behalf.
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