You Said No?!

As parents in waiting it is hard to imagine you would ever say no when an adoption situation is presented to you.  We did.  Our very first call from the agency after we completed all the paperwork.  We had been chosen as a potential family were we interested?  After some thought and consideration, we felt we had to say no.

When we applied to adopt we were asked what were we willing to accept.  When carrying your biological child you can control what your baby is exposed to and what you ingest.  As an adoptive parent you fill out a questionnaire with questions like...

Would you be willing to accept smoking of cigarettes throughout pregnancy?  

Would you be willing to accept smoking of cigarettes before birth mom realized she was pregnant?

Would you accept a history of mental illness?  If so which of the following illnesses would you accept? Followed by a list of check boxes.

Would you accept twins or multiples?

We went through all the questions and the check boxes giving each one thought.  We addressed our concerns and our limitations when it came to alcohol, drugs, and smoking.  When asked about multiple births we said yes.  We always assumed we might have twins because twins were in both of our families.  

A month after completing our paperwork and being approved to adopt, we received a call from the agency stating a birth mother was having triplets and we were a possible match.  What?!  Triplets!  How often does that happen?  Apparently, more than we realized.  Our agency had two birth mothers in their 30 year history pregnant with triplets.  

We thought and thought about it but did not feel we could handle three babies at once.  I mean, that would require some help.  Our parents did not live nearby and we were not in a financial position to hire a nanny.  

Some were surprised by our decision.  Here we were wanting a family more than anything and our first opportunity we turned down.  Some said, were were crazy to pass up an instant family.  Incidentally, at our agency multiples are kept together and fees are not per child but per adoption so we would have been getting three for the price of one.  Usually, I am not one to pass up a bargain but...three that is a lot of responsibility.  A lot.  Three times the diapers, the formula, our car certainly was not large enough, was our house?  

It was definitely hard to say no, we thought what if we are passing up our only opportunity.  Beggars cannot be choosers they say.  Well, obviously it all worked out.  The three babies were adopted by a wonderful family and the three little girls who are a few months older than Brice are great.  Our agency social worker usually gives us an update when we see her.  Always follow your gut when presented with a potential adoption situation.  We said no one more time, I'll tell you that story in my next post.