Generally your first step in the adoption process is completing a home study. The home study is anxiety inducing for hopeful adoptive parents. It was for us also. No matter how many times we were told it is really no big deal and do not worry, we were still nervous. Feeling nervous about your home study is perfectly normal.
Before our first visit, I cleaned and cleaned some more. I organized dresser drawers and closets. I must have thought the social worker conducting the home study was going conduct a serious inspection. She did not. In fact, we enjoyed her visits and learned from them.
She came to our home, sat down on the couch and talked with us. That was it...just talked. She did not walk around our home with white gloves and check for dust. Instead she was more interested in asking us about adoption and our plans for parenthood. She wanted to know why we chose to adopt. She did not want to see how neatly I had organized all the towels in the linen closet. Apparently, neat linen closets are not a prerequisite. Huh, go figure.
She did have some mandatory questions she had to ask but I hardly remember what they were so they must not have been too traumatic. I believe she asked us about discipline, our family's feelings on adoption, childcare, and how we planned to let our child know they were adopted. Nothing out of the ordinary or unexpected.
It is normal to get nervous and anxious about the home study. In our experience, the social worker is not visiting your home to keep you from adopting or to make the process harder for you. The social worker is visiting your home to make sure it is welcoming and your child will have a bed to sleep in, a clean home to live in, and a family who will surround them with love. If you are ready to adopt, I am quite certain you will pass your home study with flying colors. I will go ahead and tell you not to worry or to be nervous, but I know you will anyway. Afterward, I bet you say that was not so bad.
1/31/10
1/30/10
Then the Snow Came
After getting about a half inch of ice it snowed all afternoon and into the night. When we woke up this morning we had about 7 inches of snow. It is really pretty and the boys are having a blast playing in it. All three of the boys, I think Brian was as excited as the kids to go outside and play.
It's a good thing we were finally able to get outside and burn off some energy. They were starting to get some cabin fever.
I was afraid someone was going to get hurt.
Awww, brotherly love.
1/29/10
Ice Storm
The ice storm was a lot less intense than predicted, thankfully. The sleet and freezing rain is supposed to change to snow today and the weatherman continues to predict up to 6 inches of snow. The snow we love and think it is beautiful, the ice we do not like one bit. Fortunately, the power outages were minimal for the area and temperatures did not get as low as predicted. The freezing rain and sleet has covered most of the trees, houses, and lawns which is sort of pretty. The roads are patchy but able to be traveled. It could have been much worse.
A few photos taken from the front door step. I am still in my comfy jammies and I didn't want to step out into the cold.
A few photos taken from the front door step. I am still in my comfy jammies and I didn't want to step out into the cold.
Larger Family Life
Larger Family Life- A mother of eight in the United Kingdom has posted my story on her blog. I love being asked to advocate adoption, especially when my story reaches overseas! Thanks so much Larger Family! Click here to read my post and visit her blog.
1/27/10
1/26/10
I Love You
Today as Brice was running around and playing in the living room I told him I loved him. He stopped what he was doing and replied "I love you". My heart melted and all the naughty things he's every done were suddenly forgotten.
Less than six months ago Brice spoke very little and rarely responded when you said something to him. He began speech therapy in September. We are making progress and I couldn't be happier.
I am so glad I get to be his mom.
Less than six months ago Brice spoke very little and rarely responded when you said something to him. He began speech therapy in September. We are making progress and I couldn't be happier.
I am so glad I get to be his mom.
Our Failed Adoption
In January 2008 we were chosen to become the adoptive parents of a boy due one month later. Read about our failed adoption here. Obviously, the birth parents changed their minds and we did not become the parents of that child. Instead, our son was born five months later in July and Rogan joined our family. Thank goodness, I cannot imagine a day without Rogan's dimples and smile.
Did our failed adoption happen for a reason? We all know the old saying. So, what was the reason? Maybe the birth parents needed to go through the process to realize they wanted an open adoption. Perhaps they needed more time to make up their mind. Or maybe they did not like us. I hope not, but could be I guess. I do not know why we rode that roller coaster of emotions but we did and we are better for it.
We are a stronger couple because we handled a situation as difficult as it was and came through it together. We appreciate Brice's adoption more because he was chosen for us and we were blessed his adoption went so smoothly. We are better because we have Rogan, he was meant to be ours. February was not our time, July was and we know that now.
Did our failed adoption happen for a reason? We all know the old saying. So, what was the reason? Maybe the birth parents needed to go through the process to realize they wanted an open adoption. Perhaps they needed more time to make up their mind. Or maybe they did not like us. I hope not, but could be I guess. I do not know why we rode that roller coaster of emotions but we did and we are better for it.
1/25/10
Medical Coverage and Adoption
Are your adopted children covered by your medical insurance? It depends on your insurance. In our case, our children were covered under my individual policy. Brian was insured through his workplace when we adopted our boys, I was not. We had an individual policy in place for me when we adopted. I simply called my insurance and told them we were adopting and I wanted to verify coverage. They noted in my file an adopted child would be added and instructed me to notify them after placement.
Our policy covered our children retroactively to the date of their birth and I had 30 days to contact them after placement. When we arrived home after the interstate compact paperwork was approved I called the insurance company and added our newly adopted child to our policy. I received new insurance cards within a week or two. Our pediatrician wanted to examine our children within a week after we arrived home so I made sure each was added to our insurance immediately.
It was not a difficult process to add our boys to my insurance policy, it simply took a few phone calls.
For more information on how insurance coverage applies to adopted children this article may be helpful.
Our policy covered our children retroactively to the date of their birth and I had 30 days to contact them after placement. When we arrived home after the interstate compact paperwork was approved I called the insurance company and added our newly adopted child to our policy. I received new insurance cards within a week or two. Our pediatrician wanted to examine our children within a week after we arrived home so I made sure each was added to our insurance immediately.
It was not a difficult process to add our boys to my insurance policy, it simply took a few phone calls.
For more information on how insurance coverage applies to adopted children this article may be helpful.
1/24/10
Adoption Tax Credit
Sharon Hilton did a good job posting this information on Adoptionvoices.com I just borrowed her post and reposted it here. Thanks Sharon!
It is, at best, misleading to simply say that the Adoption Tax Credit is going away this year. Yes, the current credit that is available to families who adopt will be expiring at the end of 2010, so there is a possibility that there will not be a tax credit available for adoptions that are final in 2011 and beyond. However, my first thought on reading that the credit was going away was that the bill to keep the credit available must have been voted on and rejected. This is not the case. There is a bill (H. R. 213) proposed to repeal the sunset (expiration) on the credit to make it available beyond 2010.
This is a good opportunity to find out if your representatives support this bill and to contact those that have not yet signed on as cosponsors. With the magnitude of the placement and matching fees charged by agencies and facilitators, many hopeful adoptive families will be unable to fund an adoption without the availability of this tax credit.
(Courtesy of Mrs. R. View full blog post here)
It is, at best, misleading to simply say that the Adoption Tax Credit is going away this year. Yes, the current credit that is available to families who adopt will be expiring at the end of 2010, so there is a possibility that there will not be a tax credit available for adoptions that are final in 2011 and beyond. However, my first thought on reading that the credit was going away was that the bill to keep the credit available must have been voted on and rejected. This is not the case. There is a bill (H. R. 213) proposed to repeal the sunset (expiration) on the credit to make it available beyond 2010.
This is a good opportunity to find out if your representatives support this bill and to contact those that have not yet signed on as cosponsors. With the magnitude of the placement and matching fees charged by agencies and facilitators, many hopeful adoptive families will be unable to fund an adoption without the availability of this tax credit.
(Courtesy of Mrs. R. View full blog post here)
Our Weekend
Our parents came to visit the boys yesterday. After kids your parents no longer come visit you even if you are only children like us. They come to see the grandkids and we are okay with that. We decided since we had the grandparents here we would slip out of the house for a couple of hours and have a date. A real date!
We decided on dinner and bowling. We had appetizers at a local sports bar where we watched the Missouri v. Nebraska basketball game. (If you haven't figured it out, we live for sports) During dinner Brian reminded me of a funny story.
When we were in college together Brian and I took a lifetime activities class. Brian needed the credit and I was a physical education major so all of my classes were basically ping pong, badminton, swimming, you get the idea. Anyway, in our class we completed two activities and had two tournaments, bowling and tennis.
We both passed the class with flying colors and competed against each other in the finals of bowling and tennis. I couldn't remember and I had to ask Brian why were we not partners instead of competing against each other. Brian reminded me the teacher would not allow us to be. Our teacher was a football coach and he would not allow us to be partners in class because we were too competitive and the two of us together was apparently a no go. Sounds about right.
Brian beat me to win the tennis tournament which makes sense because he was the one who taught me how to play tennis. He played throughout high school and I played my senior year and one year in college. As for the bowling tournament, he and his partner won that as well but only because Brian bowled out of his mind. He bowled a 250 or something like that in the final. It was uncharacteristic and I am certain he only bowled so well because he refused to lose to me. It is okay, I embarrassed him with my superior bowling ability last night.
It's a good thing we are not too sore of losers or we probably never would have made it. I think that football coach would be surprised we can be partners and have been for the last 10 years.
We decided on dinner and bowling. We had appetizers at a local sports bar where we watched the Missouri v. Nebraska basketball game. (If you haven't figured it out, we live for sports) During dinner Brian reminded me of a funny story.
When we were in college together Brian and I took a lifetime activities class. Brian needed the credit and I was a physical education major so all of my classes were basically ping pong, badminton, swimming, you get the idea. Anyway, in our class we completed two activities and had two tournaments, bowling and tennis.
We both passed the class with flying colors and competed against each other in the finals of bowling and tennis. I couldn't remember and I had to ask Brian why were we not partners instead of competing against each other. Brian reminded me the teacher would not allow us to be. Our teacher was a football coach and he would not allow us to be partners in class because we were too competitive and the two of us together was apparently a no go. Sounds about right.
Brian beat me to win the tennis tournament which makes sense because he was the one who taught me how to play tennis. He played throughout high school and I played my senior year and one year in college. As for the bowling tournament, he and his partner won that as well but only because Brian bowled out of his mind. He bowled a 250 or something like that in the final. It was uncharacteristic and I am certain he only bowled so well because he refused to lose to me. It is okay, I embarrassed him with my superior bowling ability last night.
It's a good thing we are not too sore of losers or we probably never would have made it. I think that football coach would be surprised we can be partners and have been for the last 10 years.
1/22/10
Buddies
My boys play together now. It makes my days a little easier and gives me more time to take pictures.
1/21/10
Immediate Adoption Situation
Please cross post this if you can.....
IMMEDIATE family needed for a newborn baby---
Looking for:
---African American Adoptive couple that is homestudy ready!!!
PLEASE call ASAP - Family Adoption Services in Alabama at 1-800-877-4177
***ask to speak to Rebecca or Susan
IMMEDIATE family needed for a newborn baby---
Looking for:
---African American Adoptive couple that is homestudy ready!!!
PLEASE call ASAP - Family Adoption Services in Alabama at 1-800-877-4177
***ask to speak to Rebecca or Susan
Do You Ever Worry?
Do you ever worry they will show up on your doorstep? Do you ever worry they will find you? All questions we have been asked about the boys' birth families. Our answer is no. We do not worry about it at all. We never even think about it.
We chose to use an experienced and reputable adoption agency. A main reason for that decision was to make sure all of our T's were crossed and I's dotted. We wanted to be sure all the proper paperwork was filed and completed. Often when you hear the stories in the media about a birth mother who contacts an adoptive family 5 years later wanting to regain custody of her child and a long court battle ensues it is because the proper paperwork was not completed.
We are certain all procedures were properly followed during the relinquishment, termination of rights, and placement. We were then able to complete finalization in the courts, allowing us peace of mind.
Is it possible a biological family member could track us down? I suppose it is possible but they would not have the legal right to do so. We did not chose a semi-open adoption alone, the birth parents made the same decision or we would not have been matched.
What about your blog? Do you worry putting your information out on the web will allow them access to you? Again the answer is no. What would happen if they found my blogs? They would see we love our boys. They would see we are raising them as best we can and surrounding them with loving family members and friends. If they found my blogs they would see we love adoption and feel we have been more than blessed because of adoption. According to Wikipedia, as of December 2007 there were approximately 112 million blogs on the web. My blogs are 2 of 112 million odds are they will not find mine.
We chose to use an experienced and reputable adoption agency. A main reason for that decision was to make sure all of our T's were crossed and I's dotted. We wanted to be sure all the proper paperwork was filed and completed. Often when you hear the stories in the media about a birth mother who contacts an adoptive family 5 years later wanting to regain custody of her child and a long court battle ensues it is because the proper paperwork was not completed.
We are certain all procedures were properly followed during the relinquishment, termination of rights, and placement. We were then able to complete finalization in the courts, allowing us peace of mind.
Is it possible a biological family member could track us down? I suppose it is possible but they would not have the legal right to do so. We did not chose a semi-open adoption alone, the birth parents made the same decision or we would not have been matched.
What about your blog? Do you worry putting your information out on the web will allow them access to you? Again the answer is no. What would happen if they found my blogs? They would see we love our boys. They would see we are raising them as best we can and surrounding them with loving family members and friends. If they found my blogs they would see we love adoption and feel we have been more than blessed because of adoption. According to Wikipedia, as of December 2007 there were approximately 112 million blogs on the web. My blogs are 2 of 112 million odds are they will not find mine.
Neuens, Mitchell and Freese
Brian's new firm has a home. They finalized a lease and will be on the 6th floor of this building near Utica Square in Tulsa. The space needs a few renovations and until then they will be occupying space on the 5th floor until that is done. They still hope to be in their renovated permanent space by Feb. 1.
1/20/10
Guest Blogger
I was asked to answer questions and tell our story of adoption for Campbell Party of 3. Brian and I completed the questions together and our responses and our adoption story are posted on her blog today. If you want to check it out click here. Thanks for having us as a guest blogger Mandy!
1/19/10
Why Does It Cost So Much!?
Lately, a lot of traffic has been coming through my email inbox about the high costs of adoption. The specific situation being complained about was a sibling group and the fees were approximately $55,000.
Many people in the email forum were very upset about this number. I have to say, I am not surprised nor particularly offended by it. Here's why...
I can only speak for the agency from which we adopted our children. I have no other experience with any other agency and/or facility. That being said, the agency we used is a not for profit adoption agency. I have personally visited their offices in Tulsa, San Antonio and El Paso. The three office locations which I visited are older buildings, with out dated furnishings and aged office equipment. I can state from my personal observations that any money collected from adoption fees is not spent on buying the latest in technology to keep the offices on the cutting edge.
Let's do some math, it might help explain it a little more. Our agency has four office locations, again three of which we have been too, I am going to guesstimate each location employs a minimum of four employees. The agency does an average of twenty adoptions a year. Our adoptions cost on average $26,000. $26,000 x 20 = $520,000. The total amount $520,000 a year maintains four offices, pays the salaries of approximately 16 people (if they made $20,000 a year that would be $320,000), covers the travel expenses of those employees (I should mention when our sons were born in Dallas and El Paso, our social worker from the San Antonio agency was present until we were able to take the babies home), I would also assume any additional costs for the birth of the children that is incurred also comes from these funds.
I have to say looking at that simple equation above, it does not make us question where the money went. It is obvious that the agency cannot survive on adoption fees alone it relies on private donations as well.
So when someone is appalled by the amount we paid in adoption fees or someone makes an ignorant statement like we bought our children they in my opinion have not examined it very closely. All of that being said, I like everyone else wish it could be more affordable, but as I explained the costs are necessary. I would like to see more funding available for adoptive families to make it easier for them to pay the fees.
That's my soapbox for today.
Many people in the email forum were very upset about this number. I have to say, I am not surprised nor particularly offended by it. Here's why...
I can only speak for the agency from which we adopted our children. I have no other experience with any other agency and/or facility. That being said, the agency we used is a not for profit adoption agency. I have personally visited their offices in Tulsa, San Antonio and El Paso. The three office locations which I visited are older buildings, with out dated furnishings and aged office equipment. I can state from my personal observations that any money collected from adoption fees is not spent on buying the latest in technology to keep the offices on the cutting edge.
Let's do some math, it might help explain it a little more. Our agency has four office locations, again three of which we have been too, I am going to guesstimate each location employs a minimum of four employees. The agency does an average of twenty adoptions a year. Our adoptions cost on average $26,000. $26,000 x 20 = $520,000. The total amount $520,000 a year maintains four offices, pays the salaries of approximately 16 people (if they made $20,000 a year that would be $320,000), covers the travel expenses of those employees (I should mention when our sons were born in Dallas and El Paso, our social worker from the San Antonio agency was present until we were able to take the babies home), I would also assume any additional costs for the birth of the children that is incurred also comes from these funds.
I have to say looking at that simple equation above, it does not make us question where the money went. It is obvious that the agency cannot survive on adoption fees alone it relies on private donations as well.
So when someone is appalled by the amount we paid in adoption fees or someone makes an ignorant statement like we bought our children they in my opinion have not examined it very closely. All of that being said, I like everyone else wish it could be more affordable, but as I explained the costs are necessary. I would like to see more funding available for adoptive families to make it easier for them to pay the fees.
That's my soapbox for today.
100th Post
I've been blogging on Adoptive Momma of Two for six months now, can you believe it? Me neither. I have been so busy blogging in fact, I completely missed celebrating my 100th post. My 100th post was coincidentally a Beautiful Blogger Award.
I took time with Brian last night and we made a short list of topics to blog about, he said he wanted to do a post, and I completed my first guest post today. I was asked yesterday to write about our adoption journey for Campbell Party of 3. I will post the link to our story tomorrow.
Six months has come and gone very quickly. Adoptive Momma of Two has been a great outlet for me and I believe I have provided others with a place to go and read about adoption. I have assembled a small group of faithful followers and better yet correspond regularly with my blogger buddies.
Again, if you have anything you want me to post about send me a quick email and I'll do it. I continue to read all your emails, comments, and enjoy answering all your questions.
I took time with Brian last night and we made a short list of topics to blog about, he said he wanted to do a post, and I completed my first guest post today. I was asked yesterday to write about our adoption journey for Campbell Party of 3. I will post the link to our story tomorrow.
Six months has come and gone very quickly. Adoptive Momma of Two has been a great outlet for me and I believe I have provided others with a place to go and read about adoption. I have assembled a small group of faithful followers and better yet correspond regularly with my blogger buddies.
Again, if you have anything you want me to post about send me a quick email and I'll do it. I continue to read all your emails, comments, and enjoy answering all your questions.
Swim Lessons
Another day of swim lessons today. Brice is doing very well lately and is still enjoying his time in the pool. He is following directions as he should and becoming more comfortable in the water. He's still Brice and therefore he will always keep us entertained. Each week, my parents and my in laws wait in anticipation to hear what it was Brice did today at his lesson. Well, we were out of town last week so Miss Deb got a week off from his antics. He was back this week!
Alongside the pool they have milk crates with dive rings, floating toys, and other pool stuff for the teachers to use during class. Today, Brice saw a large toy shark and snuck off to the side during class, picked it up and threw it into the water. He then went back to his spot on the side of the pool and began to point at the shark floating in the water and yelled, "Lookout! Shark!"
Oh Brice, what are we going to do with you? Again, never a dull moment to speak of.
Alongside the pool they have milk crates with dive rings, floating toys, and other pool stuff for the teachers to use during class. Today, Brice saw a large toy shark and snuck off to the side during class, picked it up and threw it into the water. He then went back to his spot on the side of the pool and began to point at the shark floating in the water and yelled, "Lookout! Shark!"
Oh Brice, what are we going to do with you? Again, never a dull moment to speak of.
1/18/10
Adoption Agency Reviews.com
Top 10 agencies according to Adoption Agency Reviews.com. You may review the agency you used through this site, contact other reviewers, and read reviews provided. This site could be a useful resource when beginning your adoption journey.
| 1 | Iaap | Signal Hill, Tennessee, United States | 10.000 |  |
| 2 | The Barker Foundation | Bethesda, Maryland, United States | 10.000 | |
| 3 | Adoption Advocates | Seattle, Washington, United States | 10.000 | |
| 4 | Adoption Ark | Buffalo Grove, Illinois, United States | 10.000 | |
| 5 | Pact: An Adoption Alliance | Oakland, California, United States | 10.000 | |
| 6 | Advocates For Children And Families, Inc. | North Miami Beach, Florida, United States | 10.000 | |
| 7 | The Adoption Center | Fort Walton Beach, Florida, United States | 10.000 | |
| 8 | Adopt-A-Child | Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States | 10.000 | |
| 9 | Child Adoption Associates | New York, New York, United States | 10.000 | |
| 10 | Dillon International | Tulsa, Oklahoma, United States | 10.000 | |
Happy Birthday Mags!
Maggie, our faithful family companion is 10 years old today. Maggie came to our family in February 2000 after Brian and I had been married only a couple of months. I wanted a dog so badly and everyday I begged for one. Brian went to the local pound and picked up a "beagle mix" puppy. She was the last female left in the litter and was the cutest puppy ever! As you can see, there is about 0% chance she has any beagle in her and we have no idea what kind of mix she actually is. We just say she's special and she's ours. She's a good dog. Happy Birthday Mags, we love you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)